Please give me advice on this child. ...

[rubyecro]

Ok, so I have had dcb for 5 months. He is 26 months old. He is not talking. He says "no" but he uses it as a general response, for both yes aND no. He says a couple other words like his favorite TV show and his dogs name.

He is so all over the place. He follows the other children around and hovers over them, which is causing a lot of tension lately. He can be completely having fun on one activity and as soon as another person is in his view doing something else, he is all over them and their toy. It us exhausting and the other kids are either telling him to leave them alone, pushing him away etc.

Anything he shouldn't be doing, he is. Climbing on the table, getting up every two seconds at the food table. Spitting his food out everywhere, running all over other kids, screaming, licking eveything he sees on purpose after i tell him "take that out of your mouth", trying to run outside, throwing materials everywhere whenever we do a special activity. I've been very strict about teaching him the boundaries and showing him how to behave at daycare but it just seems that nothing is sticking. If he can get away with it for 2 seconds, he will go for it.

When mom gets here it is so much worse. If I even try to tell him no about anything he will freak out worse than usual and run away and scream. For example if he's running around with food in his mouth I'll say "it looks like you're done" and he'll scream "noooooo!" And I'll try to make him sit down and he will, then he will get right back up and do it again so I take the food. ...he then screams and screams at the top of his lungs and tries to get the food back from the counter by jumping on the cupboards and moving a chair to try and climb it. I keep telling him he needs to sit of he wants to eat and he screams. ....and it keeps going like this until he gives up and runs outside our something. His mom just looks at me and says "yah, he does this at home" that's it. Lol....ugh. ...


But that scenario above literally happens over and over again ALL DAY LONG. He screams the entire time during time out and them gets up and goes straight back to the bad behavior he got a time out for.

I can't talk to him, because he can't talk. ...I've convinced the mom finally to get speech therapy so we are working on that. ...who knows if she will actually follow through or not.

What else can I do other then time out all day? He does not seem to be getting it AT ALL. It's this normal behavior or is there something more serious at bay?

[auntymimi]

How old is he?

[auntymimi]

Oh, 26mos. I should try sleeping, . Yeah, it may be that he's been taught to behave that way. I see this sort of thing more and more where parents will completely ignore their kid (hello smart phone) until he behaves so incredibly poorly that they have to take notice. In fact I think some of the "delays" I've seen in young children have more to do with parental laziness than cognitive ability. Was he in group care before he came to you?

[rubyecro]

He's never been in group care. He was lugged around a ranch where his mom trained horses since the day he came out of the hospital (literally, yes) until he was 21 months and came to me.

We are working on sleep. They never had a bedtime, nap schedule or anything before he started coming here and I told the dcm he needed to sleep....he Naps regularly in the afternoon for 1.5-2 hours when he's with me. Sometimes he also takes a 1.5 hour nap in the morning too!

What do you think I should do? Is it hopeless? Should I term? It would be so hard for me to do that but I'm unsure of anything else I can do other than hope it gets better with more persistence. ....ugh

[auntymimi]

He's never been in group care. He was lugged around a ranch where his mom trained horses since the day he came out of the hospital (literally, yes) until he was 21 months and came to me.

We are working on sleep. They never had a bedtime, nap schedule or anything before he started coming here and I told the dcm he needed to sleep....he Naps regularly in the afternoon for 1.5-2 hours when he's with me. Sometimes he also takes a 1.5 hour nap in the morning too!

What do you think I should do? Is it hopeless? Should I term? It would be so hard for me to do that but I'm unsure of anything else I can do other than hope it gets better with more persistence. ....ugh

Hopeless, no. But it probably will be a pita. I wish that parents would socialize their children somewhat BEFORE sending them off to group care for 8-10 hours a day, but, sadly, this is often not the case. I've got a 30 mo in care now with the social/verbal abilities of an 18 mo. Make sure they know the rules and just enforce the hell out of 'em. And try to give lots of positive attention when going well, ignore him during time out. Make sure he's getting enough sleep, too. Lots of active play and outdoor time, non processed foods. I talk to my kids a lot too, ask them questions. Even the babies. It kills me to hear parents lame excuses and "baby darling just doesn't know any better". I have a 26mo daughter myself who speaks clearly in sentences, goes on the potty, keeps her hands to herself, sits at the table to eat (and uses utensils) and can be brought along to any store/ doc apt/ library ect. Without acting a fool. And this isn't an anomaly as my other daughter and most of my daycare kids are the same way. It really is crap not only for the providers but especially for the kids, but I really do believe this is becoming the new norm. I see these kids day in and day out (I worked as a waitress for the last 12 years) at the diner, the park, even the pool just begging for their parent's attention, and mom and dad too busy staring at Facebook, probably posting about the great time they're having with jr spending family time. Ugh. Let me stop!

[spedmommy4]

Ok, so I have had dcb for 5 months. He is 26 months old. He is not talking. He says "no" but he uses it as a general response, for both yes aND no. He says a couple other words like his favorite TV show and his dogs name.

He is so all over the place. He follows the other children around and hovers over them, which is causing a lot of tension lately. He can be completely having fun on one activity and as soon as another person is in his view doing something else, he is all over them and their toy. It us exhausting and the other kids are either telling him to leave them alone, pushing him away etc.

Anything he shouldn't be doing, he is. Climbing on the table, getting up every two seconds at the food table. Spitting his food out everywhere, running all over other kids, screaming, licking eveything he sees on purpose after i tell him "take that out of your mouth", trying to run outside, throwing materials everywhere whenever we do a special activity. I've been very strict about teaching him the boundaries and showing him how to behave at daycare but it just seems that nothing is sticking. If he can get away with it for 2 seconds, he will go for it.

When mom gets here it is so much worse. If I even try to tell him no about anything he will freak out worse than usual and run away and scream. For example if he's running around with food in his mouth I'll say "it looks like you're done" and he'll scream "noooooo!" And I'll try to make him sit down and he will, then he will get right back up and do it again so I take the food. ...he then screams and screams at the top of his lungs and tries to get the food back from the counter by jumping on the cupboards and moving a chair to try and climb it. I keep telling him he needs to sit of he wants to eat and he screams. ....and it keeps going like this until he gives up and runs outside our something. His mom just looks at me and says "yah, he does this at home" that's it. Lol....ugh. ...


But that scenario above literally happens over and over again ALL DAY LONG. He screams the entire time during time out and them gets up and goes straight back to the bad behavior he got a time out for.

I can't talk to him, because he can't talk. ...I've convinced the mom finally to get speech therapy so we are working on that. ...who knows if she will actually follow through or not.

What else can I do other then time out all day? He does not seem to be getting it AT ALL. It's this normal behavior or is there something more serious at bay?

His ability to use language is not necessarily reflective of his ability to understand it. A child can have a typical understanding of language even with a significant expressive language delay.

Even so, the best strategy is to keep your sentences short and in context. for example, say "sit down here" and gesture to where want him to sit. Label, stress important words with your voice, (get the CUP) and lots of repetition and modeling.

Show him what you want him to do and praise positive efforts. Give immediate consequences for negative behaviors but make sure the consequence is related to the crime. You throw the toy, you lose it. Toss your food, you are all done eating. (And say this out loud)

Model how to play with toys. Model being nice to peers. He's little so it's going to take time but he will get it.

[Thriftylady]

It isn't hopeless. If you should term or not depends mostly on if you can continue to handle it, and if the other kids can continue to handle it. If it is disrupting the whole program that may be your answer. I would put it back on the parents at this point. I would write a termination warning and give two weeks (or three or four whatever you think is best and two may not be enough) to start seeing improvement. Put on there exactly what improvement you expect to see. If there are many behaviors, pick two or three to start working on(but list them all on this notice), let the parents know your timeline to see improvement and that in X time you would like to see a marked improvement in all areas. The parents really need to be working with him at home, you being the only one working with him is not going to do it. Let the parents know if things do not improve by the date you set, you will have no choice but to term. Let them know if you do see some improvement you can have a conference and decide where to go from there.