Ever Have This?

[grateday]

I have to very part time SA Spectrum kiddos, but they are opposites. One has extreme sensory seeking behavior and energy and the other is sensory avoidant, the developmental level is different between them and the gender is different.

They just don't do well basically because of developmental age differences, gender differences, and personality differences.

I want to teach them tolerance of one another, does anyone have any ideas about how to speak to them and reach them.

Both have communication barriers, I have to reach them at the right moment. One is more reachable when physical activity level is lower, and the other is more reachable when calm.

What I am trying to find out is the exact wording to say to them when they are reachable. A clear and concise amount of words appropriate to there levels. I realize these things take time too.

I want an inclusive environment but I find I do specifically have to seperate the two because I feel I would need a para professional to work with them when they are here so that I can work with the other children. My only option is to provide a visible play area for the one and leave out the other one because the constant fighting is an issue (for example if I am changing Susie's diaper), or helping John with his cutting activity.

The sensory seeker pushes physical boundaries of other children and seems to do it to the sensory avoider more frequently. To me it seems as though the child is trying to engage in play, or finds the anger of the avoider entertaining? Speaking to the mom's on either side. They both are very understanding and we are working together regarding the issues.

I just don't want the avoider to think that they are going to get "special treatment all the time". I don't want the others (children/parents) to think it is special treatment either.

I personally need a break from the "screaming (headache)" of the avoider, and I like peace in the environment. I have a high tolerance for the "seeker" and I don't expect that level from the "avoider" but I want them to learn to deal with it too.

The screaming is quite painful, and I am unable to reach the child in that state of anger. The child will not listen because they are in "rage" mode.

[cheerfuldom]

ugh. I totally feel for you. I had the EXACT situation with two (one of them being my child). It was so exhausting to care for them and honestly, I never was able to really work well with them. I did the best I could, tolerated the various behaviors, separated the two of them and just waited it out. It got better when they were preschool age and eventually both went to school.....both needing special services to overcome sensory issues, one seeker and the other avoider. now they see each other on occasion and actually get along. i never thought i would see the day!

if i could go back, i would just let the other go. it was so much to struggle for years trying to make it work. i had the other from infant to school age.

[grateday]

seeker/avoider

I wish I could I am friends with one of the parents (one of my first families too). My son is friends with the seeker. The other avoider I understand, don't see as often but the younger sibling of the avoider is really attached to me and I too her so I don't want any broken hearts. I just have to look at it as temporary times in my life because it really is. I just wish I had an expert here in special needs and a para professional when they are here together=)

Para's are so busy working for the school district. I have sensory things things for the seeker to do but it is like the seeker is drawn to the avoider like a magnet at times........I don't understand why the seeker cannot understand that the avoider just does not want that kind of high energy play.

I have "typical" children in the seeker category but they kind of know when to back off from kids because I work on social coaching with them.

Social coaching is much much harder when it is hard to get the seekers attention.

Social coaching is really really trying when the avoider shuts down and is so pissed that they don't want to follow the rules. But in my opinion being pissed and shutting down is not an excuse to not follow the rules. There seems to be a bit of defiance, trouble with rules, and a very high need to have a high need of control in the avoider. The avoider really has trouble not hurting others ears and screaming.

The more the avoider seems to loose control internally, the more they seem to not follow rules here in the childcare. And as flamed as I get I see the problem. I have to regroup and turn my requests into asking, waiting for the right time to ask them to do something. I believe there is a behavioral disorder at play that someone has not told me about or a parent is in an extreme amount of denial.