Frustrated with DCKs

[Unregistered]

I am really unsure how to handle dcg 5 & dcb 3. She has some delays so in many ways behaves more like 3.5-4 & has some quirky behaviors. But in other ways, her understanding is very in line with a 5 year old. She is very argumentative. Anything I ask her to do or not do is met with resistance. She argues that she shouldn't have to b/c..."mommy doesn't make me at home," or "why do I have to if so and so doesn't have to," or "I don't want to do that so I'll just sit here and rest," or the list goes on and on. I try very hard not to engage. I use the "not why, just yes ma'am" approach. I've tried giving her logical answers, I've tried just ignoring, I've tried the dreaded "because I said so" approach. Nothing works. She has a comeback for everything. He does the same thing with the arguing & asking why.
Second issue is more him than her, but they both do it. They want to talk at me all day long. I spend time talking with them, but then tell them to go play. They continue to talk to me regardless of what I am doing, who I am talking to, what is going on around them...they just don't stop. It drives me batty. Some days I just want to scream "Stop talking!!" I say "go play" all day long. Their response is always, "I don't want to play. I'll just rest by you." My response is you are welcome to rest in the play area. You are not welcome to sit and rest directly beside or on top of me. Always met with a sigh and a grumpy response. They go play for 5-10 minutes and then it starts over again. When I start ignoring them, they start asking yes and no questions that require a response. When I continue to ignore they give a snotty and demanding "Yes or no!" I do not tolerate that tone at all. It is so disrespectful. I move them from the group and they sit by themselves with one toy for 20 or so minutes, still trying to engage me from across the room.
It. is. draining. I had these issues before. They left part time and hated where they were attending. Dcb begged me to come back. I allowed it and behavior was soooooooooooooooo much better for weeks, but there have been issues at dad's house and now we are right back where we started from. I've cared for these children for a very long time and don't want to term, but I am drained and need some guidance. I make them "go play toys" but I have to fight them on it literally the entire day.
I'm so tired of hearing, "I do not want to play with toys." I understand screen time plays into it. I understand their parents engage them at home. I don't understand how to fix it here. We have a routine and the other kids have fun. Every time I get on to these kids which is often it ends in tears for mommy. Help!

[Blackcat31]

I am really unsure how to handle dcg 5 & dcb 3. She has some delays so in many ways behaves more like 3.5-4 & has some quirky behaviors. But in other ways, her understanding is very in line with a 5 year old. She is very argumentative. Anything I ask her to do or not do is met with resistance. She argues that she shouldn't have to b/c..."mommy doesn't make me at home," or "why do I have to if so and so doesn't have to," or "I don't want to do that so I'll just sit here and rest," or the list goes on and on. I try very hard not to engage. I use the "not why, just yes ma'am" approach. I've tried giving her logical answers, I've tried just ignoring, I've tried the dreaded "because I said so" approach. Nothing works. She has a comeback for everything. He does the same thing with the arguing & asking why.
Second issue is more him than her, but they both do it. They want to talk at me all day long. I spend time talking with them, but then tell them to go play. They continue to talk to me regardless of what I am doing, who I am talking to, what is going on around them...they just don't stop. It drives me batty. Some days I just want to scream "Stop talking!!" I say "go play" all day long. Their response is always, "I don't want to play. I'll just rest by you." My response is you are welcome to rest in the play area. You are not welcome to sit and rest directly beside or on top of me. Always met with a sigh and a grumpy response. They go play for 5-10 minutes and then it starts over again. When I start ignoring them, they start asking yes and no questions that require a response. When I continue to ignore they give a snotty and demanding "Yes or no!" I do not tolerate that tone at all. It is so disrespectful. I move them from the group and they sit by themselves with one toy for 20 or so minutes, still trying to engage me from across the room.
It. is. draining. I had these issues before. They left part time and hated where they were attending. Dcb begged me to come back. I allowed it and behavior was soooooooooooooooo much better for weeks, but there have been issues at dad's house and now we are right back where we started from. I've cared for these children for a very long time and don't want to term, but I am drained and need some guidance. I make them "go play toys" but I have to fight them on it literally the entire day.
I'm so tired of hearing, "I do not want to play with toys." I understand screen time plays into it. I understand their parents engage them at home. I don't understand how to fix it here. We have a routine and the other kids have fun. Every time I get on to these kids which is often it ends in tears for mommy. Help!

Honestly, it sounds like they like to be unhappy.

If it is stressful to you, I'd replace them. I LOVE my job but if I felt a couple of kids made it so miserable that it's crazy I would term. I am not paid enough to be unhappy in my work day.

These kids obviously need an environment where they have their own adult and if your firm stance and no nonsense "Go-play!" commands aren't doing the trick then it's definitely time to part ways.

It sounds like they know it's annoying to you and that is why they do it.

Like I said, if you have already taken an ultra FIRM approach and they still aren't complying or are still snotty....why are you keeping them?

I don't get paid to be disrespected and I will happily work WITH a family in teaching their child(ren) respectful behaviors but I will NOT tolerate behaviors like you listed without improvement for very long before tapping out.

What do the parents say when you bring this to their attention?

[spedmommy4]

I'm with BC, if the parents are not on board, I would term. If they are, here are a few things that may help.

One thing that stood out in your post was that these kids seek attention in a negative way all day long. Some parents, as sad as it is, disengage from their kids and end up unintentionally teaching them that the only way to get attention is by acting out. The big downside is that you, as care provider, have to teach them that the "dog and pony show" does not work at your house.

I tell kids, I can only talk to you when: 1.) you use your big kid voice, and 2) I'm not busy with another child/parent. (We discuss what interrupting is at a kid level) Initially, I give a few reminders, but once I am certain the child knows the rule I will ignore the child until they are using a big kid voice and I am not engaged with someone else.

At first, the child's behavior always increases. This is typically because all the other adults cave when the child starts acting out in a major way. It doesn't work on me so the increased behaviors generally subside within a week. Kids will do what works and will expend the effort they need to to get the thing they want. If that extra effort isn't paying off for the child, they typically move on from it.

The other thing that stood out was that you mentioned delays and heavy screen time. Do these kids know how to play? If so, no worries. If not, I would spend a little time each day working on play and pair each of the kids with a play partner. You could have, "make a new friend day" so all the kids are involved.

HTH :-)

[Jujube835]

I don't have a ton of advice but I do have a child just like this as well. Everyone else is having fun but this kid just refuses to entertain herself and will just throw herself on the floor begging for mom. :confused: She's also 5 so she should way over it. I walk away. I engage the other kids when they're playing nicely and ignore her until her behavior is appropriate.

[auntymimi]

Welcome to my world

I have 1 just like that. I know screen time plays a big part in it. It seems like most children, sadly, just don't know how to play anymore.

[Unregistered]

Im not sure what u can do maby way stricter disipline. I dont have a serious problem with this but certain days or certain kids will do this , they want to talk all day.it can get annoying at times I know its beacuse some dont no how to entertain them selfs because the are constantly attached to there parents.I know so me like to talk cause they get no attention at all at home, so they like the attention at daycare.just have times were they can talk , maby strict displine when its not time to talk, since they seem to like to bugg u