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My daughter has started in the last month throwing tantrums or showing a lot of anger. To give you a little insight. Today she wanted to push stroller home from the park and she usually is the one that gets to but today big brother wanted a turn and hasn't got a turn before and he ask first so I allowed him to do so. She immediately started to become upset and kick her shoes off. Then she decided to leave her shoes and walk. I carry her shoes and allow her to walk bare foot while the whole time I'm holding her hand she is pulling back and trying to refuse to walk. She continues this behavior all the way home. Daycare child goes in to wash her hands while I get the stroller inside and my daughter goes and grabs the hand soap and makes a run for it. I chase her down and she unwillingly walks back inside. She then goes and starts pulling laminated pictures off the wall. I begin washing hands of other children and she calms down. This is a typical anger outburst for her and it is usually brought on quickly by not getting a toy she wants or to do something she wants to do. She usually has 1 or 2 of the outburst a day. Alot of times there is kicking hitting and throwing. I usually sit with her when these happen if I can and hold her in a hug facing away from me until she calms down. I am at a loss. I have tried incorporating one on one time during daycare, after daycare. I try to involve her in my curriculum and menu planning. She is really a sweet and helpful girl but when these outburst happen I don't know how to help her because she feels unreachable during those fits. Any advice on how I can help her would be great. Thank you
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practice telling her no
Seriously. My daughter is also 5 and I have a 2 year old as well, and I've been practicing the 'no' with them for the last 5 years. I NEED my kids to behave, otherwise we would never be able to go anywhere. BECAUSE my kids behave, the dck tipically fall in line as well. Begin by taking your daughter to "trigger" places and putting her in situations where she is likely to misbehave. (without dck of course, as she WILL test you) Explain to her your expectations beforehand and consequences if she should choose to misbehave, then you must follow through. This could mean leaving a restaurant, cart full of groceries, the park, ect. Whatever it is, you MUST do exactly as you say. After practicing this daily, she Will learn that mom means business, I promise.
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Has she been evaluated? I have never witnessed that kind of behavior in a typical 5 year old. Way too old for that, IMO, unless there are some disabilities coming into play.
At my house my kid would be in their room away from me when they behaved that way. No holding, nothing. And while frankly I've never spanked my kids - don't even really believe it in - I'd probably give her a good spanking for pulling that at the park.
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She will be 5 in a couple months. She really doesn't understand I mean business because I haven't laid down the law enough. She is by far my most stubborn and difficult child. My daycare children do tend to follow her lead which is making everything more and more difficult. Sometimes I wander if I am doing my daycare parents a disservice by even being a provider while she is going through this. Really doubting myself:/ Seriously. My daughter is also 5 and I have a 2 year old as well, and I've been practicing the 'no' with them for the last 5 years. I NEED my kids to behave, otherwise we would never be able to go anywhere. BECAUSE my kids behave, the dck tipically fall in line as well. Begin by taking your daughter to "trigger" places and putting her in situations where she is likely to misbehave. (without dck of course, as she WILL test you) Explain to her your expectations beforehand and consequences if she should choose to misbehave, then you must follow through. This could mean leaving a restaurant, cart full of groceries, the park, ect. Whatever it is, you MUST do exactly as you say. After practicing this daily, she Will learn that mom means business, I promise.Comment
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My son throws a lot of angry tantrums as well. A few things have worked for us. First of all, I've found a common trigger. He always tantrums all day long when a particular dcb is here. Dcb I very dominant personality and fairly aggressive & Ds is intimidated by him. 3 of my other dcks have problems with him as well. #1 dcb will be moving on as I've tried many ways to solve this without success. #2 On days he's here in the meantime I am proactive with Ds, offer extra opportunities to be away from the group, separate the 2 when possible, talk with Ds giving possible methods of dealing with dcb's antics, etc. Can you find any common triggers & address them?
Second, I created a calm down spot for him filled with books & away from the group. Most of the time I don't even say anything. When he starts to tantrum I just pick him up, carry him to his spot, & remind him that he can rejoin as soon as he feels calm & in control of himself again. Usually only takes about 3 minutes, but sometimes he will hang out as long as 20 minutes. He even takes himself to his spot to calm down if he feels over stimulated. I think the key is teaching them positive outlets & ways to calm themselves. Hope that helps.Comment
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She hasn't had any evaluations. My son is mildly autistic but she shows no signs of anything abnormal. She is my stubborn child.i have to hold her because during daycare she isn't allowed upstairs so I have to hold her to keep her from hurting others. I have been a bad parent to in that giving her what she wants is easier than saying no so I have been feeding it all along. I am really struggling. I am ashamed to admit it but we have spanked her...after daycare hours of course but she has been spanked before and she will just laugh at you. When she has these Outburst I do become very upset and so I'm not calm and I think she feeds on that too. I feel like I have really messed up with discipline her and my husband and I have no idea how to fix it.Has she been evaluated? I have never witnessed that kind of behavior in a typical 5 year old. Way too old for that, IMO, unless there are some disabilities coming into play.
At my house my kid would be in their room away from me when they behaved that way. No holding, nothing. And while frankly I've never spanked my kids - don't even really believe it in - I'd probably give her a good spanking for pulling that at the park.Comment
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I had good luck with a good chart.I told my child that if he had a good day we would check off at the end of the week a special trip (library ,park whatever you decide to gether is special,The chart was in his room and daycare kids new nothing about it.I explained ahead of time that bad behavior was not acceptable and I made a safe corner with pillows and a few books in it. If child felt out of control they went to the calm down spot.There also was a "naughty spot a bottom step or chair away from the others.If the misbehaving continued then they were sent there with little interaction from me.Spot now until you calm down.I did not want everyone to start bisbehaving for attention. Good luck.Comment
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The only trigger I have found is just simply she doesn't get to do or have what she wants and to me that means spoiled rotten. I thought about a calm down spot but when she gets in those moments she would throw the books and anything near her. Anything to get someone upset. I have tried to talk and calm her during these moments but it's like she is so far past upset she doesn't hear me. I will try finding a spot for her though and maybe just have a couple stuffed animals. Thank you.Comment
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You ARE NOT a bad parent. You care enough to see that it's a problem, and are trying your best to rectify the situation in a gentle and loving way. Those are the markers of a very good parent. Simply practice follow through in everyday living. It will be hard. Make sure she knows the rules, your expectations and the consequences of her actions and follow through every single time. It's a PITA but it's so worth it. Giving her warnings on transitions too. Lots of praise for correct behavior. It'll work, I promise.Comment
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Thank you for your advice. We haven't done a written chart but this past week if she behaved she got to sleep in the tent in the living room which is a huge exciting deal for her but she lost getting to do so pretty quickly and we stuck to it. Even in throwing the tantrum we would remind her if she kept on she lost the tent but she didn't care.
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You can do it!
One example is the tantrum while out walking....I would not have carried her shoes for her. She kicked the shoes off, therefore she deals with them. Logical consequences. Also, I'd have sat the kids down outside with a Popsicle after returning home....the ones who cooperated, that is.
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Keep trying its hard when we care for other kids.The guilt can be tough to handle.I ran my daycare for almost 30 yrs,my children grew up with it.I remember thinking maybe I should close and go to work,but then realized that then they would have to go somewhere else.I see it now with my grandsons ,they have before school care ,after school care if there sick its hard for their Mom to stay home ect.Nothing is perfect figure out what you need your child to do.How would you handle this from a dcg?Short of terming .We cant term our own. Discuss with your child what you expect when she is in a good mood. Then hard as it is you need to stick to it.Good luck ,hang in there you know what is best for your child.Comment
your words means a lot.. I am trying so hard but your right it is very difficult and I tend to not be consistent when it gets difficult so I know I just need to work on it and be patient.
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