Making Piles

[mamamanda]

Just curious what you think about this. Ds just turned four and he's been doing this since he was two. He gathers toys and random things from around the house and he stacks them into piles. The funny thing is he actually makes things out of the piles. Example: He stacked random toys in the middle, took five fabric totes and placed them around to look like a head, 2 arms, and 2 legs. He put real shoes under the legs, a hat on the "head," etc. When I asked him what he was doing he kept saying he was making gingerbread. I didn't understand until he got done and explained what everything was and it really did look like a person so to speak. It was a gingerbread man. That was when he was 2 and its continued the last couple years. Sometimes it makes me crazy because I'm the kind of person who thrives on order and I really hate clutter. Part of me feels like he's being creative and should be allowed to do it. Obviously, there is some sort of a need being met there. I just haven't figured out what. The other part of me feels like he should be able to channel the creativity in a more positive way so that he's not pulling out and dumping totes from all over the house. He hates cleaning it up after and it takes us as long as forty minutes to an hour to sort the toys and put it all back. How would you handle this? I typically discourage it as a general rule and only allow it on special circumstances, but I haven't let him do it in a while and this week he destroyed the play room 3 times. He just dumps every tote into a big pile. It's so frustrating. I don't know whether to discipline him for it, or recognize it as a need that's not being met. With babies you can give them a dump & sort bucket, but he's a very academically advanced four year so I don't know how to handle it. Oddly enough, this is the same kid who won't go to bed at night if his room isn't clean because he doesn't like messes.
I very honestly believe he will be labeled as gifted in school. He is starting to read, does addition and subtractions, uses large vocabulary and has even taught me some words. I don't know if that plays into this at all, or if he's just testing his limits in a very creative way. Probably seeing him be so far ahead academically causes me to be more frustrated when he does things that seem immature to me. Help me find some perspective here. Thanks!

[Thriftylady]

Does he need more manipulative toys? I don't know really just throwing a guess out there.

[AmyKidsCo]

IMO a four year old is old enough to clean up his messes. When mine start dumping I tell them "Only dump out the things you want to clean up later." then when they're done I follow through and have them clean up their pile. No matter how long it takes...

[Heidi]

yes, I would allow it, but that's me. I have a "hoarder" amongst my children, and many parents would have put a stop to the things he collects. At 14, he's now starting to be a little more selective...finally! He is a tinkerer and creator, too.

Gifted childcare are almost always "asynchronous" in their learning. They may be academically or intellectually gifted, but socially on par or delayed. That's one of the great challenges of raising a gifted child.

There is an excellent resource I have spent countless hours on where you will find a wealth of information:

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/

Also, read the "Cheetah" metaphor by Stephanie Tolan.

http://www.stephanietolan.com/is_it_a_cheetah.htm

[Heidi]

After thinking about it, is there a way you can accommodate this? Give him a specific area to work in and leave the mess?

When my kids were young and into Legos, we had them work on a sheet. Then, when they were really done (some days later, usually), they could lift the sheet by the corners and dump it all in the bin.

That may not work with a mixed bunch of toys, but if you have him a defined space to work, you could tolerate the mess until he is ready to move on (and clean up). Also, there should be a spot where he can put work he wants to save and go back to. So, if he's making a tower, suggest doing it on a cookie sheet, then put it up afterwards. Have him try to come up with solutions before he really gets overwhelmed. "Hey, I see you're starting a project. Let's think of a way to make it easier for you before it gets out of control. Can you think of some strategies?"

[Blackcat31]

yes, I would allow it, but that's me. I have a "hoarder" amongst my children, and many parents would have put a stop to the things he collects. At 14, he's now starting to be a little more selective...finally! He is a tinkerer and creator, too.

Gifted childcare are almost always "asynchronous" in their learning. They may be academically or intellectually gifted, but socially on par or delayed. That's one of the great challenges of raising a gifted child.

There is an excellent resource I have spent countless hours on where you will find a wealth of information:

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/

Also, read the "Cheetah" metaphor by Stephanie Tolan.

http://www.stephanietolan.com/is_it_a_cheetah.htm

Most people mistake gifted for bright. (not directed at you...just something I thought was interesting)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/gifted-ed-guru/201201/the-bright-child-vs-the-gifted-learner-whats-the-difference

[Unregistered]

As much as I love creativity this would drive me nuts. He'd have to do this at home or create in a different way at DC. I really don't allow dumping. I only allow them to get out toys as they use them.

If I have a lot of toddlers I don't have many things with many pieces. Not much to dump. If I only have one toddler and lots of older kids they just don't dump much.

[Thriftylady]

Most people mistake gifted for bright. (not directed at you...just something I thought was interesting)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...the-difference

I want to thank you for this article. I have wondered about my daughter, I mean she is starting college in her Jr. year of HS. But she is not gifted. She works HARD for her grades. She doesn't read as much as she should or could, she hates it, but she still works hard. And she doesn't ask what I think is enough questions. She just absorbs what the books and teachers say and of those things don't match the test questions close enough, well she doesn't trust herself. Now I know she is smart (bright) of course we knew that, but not gifted. (Whew glad to know that, I can't have that in her teenage head).

[Febby]

I want to thank you for this article. I have wondered about my daughter, I mean she is starting college in her Jr. year of HS. But she is not gifted. She works HARD for her grades. She doesn't read as much as she should or could, she hates it, but she still works hard. And she doesn't ask what I think is enough questions. She just absorbs what the books and teachers say and of those things don't match the test questions close enough, well she doesn't trust herself. Now I know she is smart (bright) of course we knew that, but not gifted. (Whew glad to know that, I can't have that in her teenage head).

I'm technically gifted (multiple testings, group and individual, over several years) and I know my mom had a bit of a rough time with me. I didn't tolerate school, particularly the curriculum pace, at all. In grades 3-5, I was in a self-directed 'gifted' class where we worked at our own pace and own level. In 6th grade, I moved schools and my new school put me in their 'gifted' program, which simply taught the standard curriculum at a slightly faster pace. I didn't have any tolerance for that and simply refused to do any of my assignments, which got me kicked out of the program; the school put me back in regular class, where I continued to refuse to do assignments (while gettings As on tests, which frustrated everyone)

Back to the original topic, what about some pattern blocks? Like these?

http://www.lakeshorelearning.com/product/productDet.jsp?productItemID=1%2C689%2C949%2C371%2C894%2C852&ASSORTMENT%3C%3East_id=1408474395181113&bmUID=1437693117597

They also have magnetic ones, although they cost a more.

[Heidi]

I'm technically gifted (multiple testings, group and individual, over several years) and I know my mom had a bit of a rough time with me. I didn't tolerate school, particularly the curriculum pace, at all. In grades 3-5, I was in a self-directed 'gifted' class where we worked at our own pace and own level. In 6th grade, I moved schools and my new school put me in their 'gifted' program, which simply taught the standard curriculum at a slightly faster pace. I didn't have any tolerance for that and simply refused to do any of my assignments, which got me kicked out of the program; the school put me back in regular class, where I continued to refuse to do assignments (while gettings As on tests, which frustrated everyone)

Back to the original topic, what about some pattern blocks? Like these?

http://www.lakeshorelearning.com/product/productDet.jsp?productItemID=1%2C689%2C949%2C371%2C894%2C852&ASSORTMENT%3C%3East_id=1408474395181113&bmUID=1437693117597

They also have magnetic ones, although they cost a more.

You sound like my kids! Check out that Cheetah metaphor. I it'll make sense to you!

[Heidi]

As much as I love creativity this would drive me nuts. He'd have to do this at home or create in a different way at DC. I really don't allow dumping. I only allow them to get out toys as they use them.

If I have a lot of toddlers I don't have many things with many pieces. Not much to dump. If I only have one toddler and lots of older kids they just don't dump much.

It's her son...

[mamamanda]

After thinking about it, is there a way you can accommodate this? Give him a specific area to work in and leave the mess?

When my kids were young and into Legos, we had them work on a sheet. Then, when they were really done (some days later, usually), they could lift the sheet by the corners and dump it all in the bin.

That may not work with a mixed bunch of toys, but if you have him a defined space to work, you could tolerate the mess until he is ready to move on (and clean up). Also, there should be a spot where he can put work he wants to save and go back to. So, if he's making a tower, suggest doing it on a cookie sheet, then put it up afterwards. Have him try to come up with solutions before he really gets overwhelmed. "Hey, I see you're starting a project. Let's think of a way to make it easier for you before it gets out of control. Can you think of some strategies?"

I love the cheetah metaphor! And that website offers a wealth of information. I'll have to visit it several times. Thank you for sharing! I really like the idea of giving him his own work space, but I'm going to have to put some thought into how to pull that off. We're pretty limited on space & I have to watch his little pieces with the babies. Maybe I should invest in a play yard for his room...just thinking out loud.

[mamamanda]

I'm technically gifted (multiple testings, group and individual, over several years) and I know my mom had a bit of a rough time with me. I didn't tolerate school, particularly the curriculum pace, at all. In grades 3-5, I was in a self-directed 'gifted' class where we worked at our own pace and own level. In 6th grade, I moved schools and my new school put me in their 'gifted' program, which simply taught the standard curriculum at a slightly faster pace. I didn't have any tolerance for that and simply refused to do any of my assignments, which got me kicked out of the program; the school put me back in regular class, where I continued to refuse to do assignments (while gettings As on tests, which frustrated everyone)

Back to the original topic, what about some pattern blocks? Like these?

http://www.lakeshorelearning.com/product/productDet.jsp?productItemID=1%2C689%2C949%2C371%2C894%2C852&ASSORTMENT%3C%3East_id=1408474395181113&bmUID=1437693117597

They also have magnetic ones, although they cost a more.

I've actually been considering those. I think he would enjoy them very much.

[mamamanda]

Most people mistake gifted for bright. (not directed at you...just something I thought was interesting)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...the-difference

Very interesting read! My son is in many ways difficult to parent & after reading this article I think that probably has a lot to do with it. He's a very good little boy...cares deeply for others & is extremely concerned about what is right. I went through a traffic light as it was turning red a few weeks ago and he stills reminds to "make a better choice at the stop lights" when we get in the car. Everything needs to be precise for him & he is very passionate /intense if its something that matters to him. A lot of humor & very insecure if he comes upon someone who doesn't find him funny. Unfortunately a lot of the kids aren't old enough to grasp his jokes. He is very intelligent and in many areas very bright as well, but I pray often for wisdom in guiding him because there are unique challenges for sure. Thank you for sharing the article!

[Heidi]

I love the cheetah metaphor! And that website offers a wealth of information. I'll have to visit it several times. Thank you for sharing! I really like the idea of giving him his own work space, but I'm going to have to put some thought into how to pull that off. We're pretty limited on space & I have to watch his little pieces with the babies. Maybe I should invest in a play yard for his room...just thinking out loud.

Do the other kids go in his room? If not, how about just a gate across the door (one that he can maybe manage), and put his work area on the far side of the room.

Otherwise, do you have a basement? I don't know his personality, but my son's would have loved an area of the basement for themselves at that age and could be trusted to play without direct supervision. Obviously, you'd have to block off any safety hazards lest he decide to make a rocket or battlebot out of the furnace.