Once They CAN, Do You EXPECT It?

[SilverSabre25]

I have always been a firm believer of setting high expectations for kids, which includes a high level of self-sufficiency. Once they CAN do something, I tend to expect it of them--like once they CAN go up/down the stairs, I expect them to do it in most situations. Or once they CAN climb up into their chair for lunch, I expect them to do it.

And today's situation...once they CAN walk, I kind of expect them to DO it--like walking on their own two feet while out on a walk rather than being carried while out on a walk. DCG who is 23 months and been walking proficiently since sometime over the summer, threw a FIT when we went out a walk around the neighborhood. She did NOT want to walk--kept crossing in front of me while I was walking, holding up her arms, wanting carried. I side-stepped her and told her that she needed to walk on her own two feet like the rest of the big kids, and she would throw herself on the ground. To which I would keep walking (keeping a surreptitious eye on her of course) and she would eventually stand up, run ahead of me, want up...repeat for the majority of the walk around the neighborhood.

Am I really that unusual that I expect things like walking out of a perfectly capable child?

[Live and Learn]

I would say," you are a big girl....Walk!" I have 15 month olds who walk around the block for criminies sake!! Oh brother!!

[Blackcat31]

I have always been a firm believer of setting high expectations for kids, which includes a high level of self-sufficiency. Once they CAN do something, I tend to expect it of them--like once they CAN go up/down the stairs, I expect them to do it in most situations. Or once they CAN climb up into their chair for lunch, I expect them to do it.

And today's situation...once they CAN walk, I kind of expect them to DO it--like walking on their own two feet while out on a walk rather than being carried while out on a walk. DCG who is 23 months and been walking proficiently since sometime over the summer, threw a FIT when we went out a walk around the neighborhood. She did NOT want to walk--kept crossing in front of me while I was walking, holding up her arms, wanting carried. I side-stepped her and told her that she needed to walk on her own two feet like the rest of the big kids, and she would throw herself on the ground. To which I would keep walking (keeping a surreptitious eye on her of course) and she would eventually stand up, run ahead of me, want up...repeat for the majority of the walk around the neighborhood.

Am I really that unusual that I expect things like walking out of a perfectly capable child?

YAH!! I am not the only one! I too, expect kids to do things if they are capable and can do it. It irks me to see a parent carrying a 4 yr old or a parent completely dress their child (outdoor clothing) when the kid does it while in my care but at pick up they immediately become helpless and have mom or dad do it for them. Also expect them to walk if they can. I would have done the EXACT same thing as you!

[MG&Lsmom]

Yes, absolutely. Today I refused to remove 2yo DCB's shoes for him when we came in. He sat on the floor kicking and screaming and then ran for the living room to play when I turned my back to start lunch. He can undo the velcro and pull off the shoe all by himself when we're riding in the car and throw it at me, so he can sit down and get them off before walking on my cleanish carpet to play with my toys.

[countrymom]

yes, this goes for everything, walking, dressing, feeding, butt wiping. I know many kids are capable of doing this but you know what, its a hassle for a parent to deal with it so its easier for them to do it for them. and when they get to school I know for a fact teachers don't do anything for them.

[Blackcat31]

yes, this goes for everything, walking, dressing, feeding, butt wiping. I know many kids are capable of doing this but you know what, its a hassle for a parent to deal with it so its easier for them to do it for them. and when they get to school I know for a fact teachers don't do anything for them.

Had to laugh because this reminded me of a past dck I had. She was 4 yrs old and very good with self help skills.....well one day she called out to me while she was in using the toilet ...I said, "Yes, Kenzi, what do you need?" She says, "I need you to wipe my butt for me." I said, "You know how to do it, so you can do it yourself." She says "Yeah but I don't want to get poop on my hands" ::

[kitkat]

YAH!! I am not the only one! I too, expect kids to do things if they are capable and can do it. It irks me to see a parent carrying a 4 yr old or a parent completely dress their child (outdoor clothing) when the kid does it while in my care but at pick up they immediately become helpless and have mom or dad do it for them. Also expect them to walk if they can. I would have done the EXACT same thing as you!

I totally agree!

[SilverSabre25]

Oh good, I'm glad that people agree with me! I felt bad since she was screaming like a banshee the whole way around the neighborhood, but gosh darn it! She needed the walk!

[kidkair]

I right there with you too. Once they show me they can do something I don't do it for them again. And it bugs me too when the parent still does things for the child when the child can do it just fine. I have a two year old who was having a hard time standing up in her snow gear but after a couple weeks of really trying she could do it inside. So outside I made her crawl to the sidewalk and stand. She did and a couple days of doing that she was able to stand up in the snow. I push kids pretty hard with self help skills and expect them to really strive to do what they can do in many different situations.

[Crystal]

yes, yes and yes.

[momma2girls]

Had to laugh because this reminded me of a past dck I had. She was 4 yrs old and very good with self help skills.....well one day she called out to me while she was in using the toilet ...I said, "Yes, Kenzi, what do you need?" She says, "I need you to wipe my butt for me." I said, "You know how to do it, so you can do it yourself." She says "Yeah but I don't want to get poop on my hands" ::

This totally reminds me of a 4 yr. old I had in daycare, that wouldn't wipe her own butt either!! The Mom told me this, it didn't take very long, and she did it all by herself!! She was going to preschool as well. I asked the Mom what she did then, and she said she never went at preschool, she always held it til she got home!! HA!!! I couldn't believe it, and she was close to being 5 as well!!!!!!!!

[lvt77]

all kids need exersise...walk walk walk....
if you have to carry her then you have to carry everyone...what a work out....
Thats what I would tell the child. I dont have enough arms to carry everyone. Im a lady not an octopus....

[misol]

Carrying a two year old in full winter gear during a walk gets old QUICK! I'm with everyone else. Once they are proficient at something, I totally expect them to do it themselves. I also won't help a child with something unless they've tried it themselves first.

[alyssyn]

I expect them to do things for themselves also once I know that they can. It is so annoying though when at pick up time knowing perfectly well they can put on shoes for example, and their parent or grandparent does this for them. Uggh!!!

[nannyde]

We do all the dressing and undressing for them until they want to do it. I don't get into power struggles about that stuff. Whatever is fastest for the adult. Some kids willingly do it while we are doing the younger ones but if they don't want to do it we will do it for them.

We walk EVERY possible day 1.2 miles. I start the kids out when they have walked for about six months and have them walk in the position closest to the adult pushing the stroller. We use tot a longs so they are attached. They have to be old enough to "mind the wheels" so they can walk without getting caught up in the wheels.

We usually start them and do a block then in the stroller for the rest. Over a period of a month or so we increase it until they are steady enough to walk the whole way. We have two nineteen month olds we haven't even tried walking yet because they aren't steady enough yet. Once the weather warms up we will start working with them when they have less clothing on. Until then we will have them ride.

I have had ones as young as fourteen months be able to do the walk and some got to two before they could manage it. I've had some that were able to walk but were a little too short to hold onto the side of the stroller for any sustained time. If they are in the tenth or less percentile in height it usually is closer to two before they can manage it.

I would say 4 of 5 kids are walking the whole walk by the time they are about 22 months. If they are really big and don't fit in our stroller we have to start them earlier. If they are small then a little later. We have Jmason strollers and a Perego. The Jmason is the easiest to push so we usually use those.

As they age they move up toward the front of the stroller. The two oldest kids are the pack leaders and they free walk without holding on and lead the sleigh. All of the other kids hold the stroller with one hand as they are walking.

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