DCK Pouting At Drop-off Saying She Doesn't Want To Be Here

[Peaches]

I've written about this before and nothing seems to be helping. I have a DCG (4) that I've had come for a year. During the school year she comes with her school age sister but this summer sister is at camp during the day so DCG is coming on own and all summer she's been pouting at drop off and says she doesn't want to play with my boys particularly
my 4 year old, who has been a fun friend all year. I am getting feed up with the behavior and have talked to parents about it. It's to the point where she just comes and sits but hersself for an hour sometimes longer before she joins us and even then playing has to be her way or she'll pout more. I offer her toys but all she does is pout. really starting to wonder if it's worth having her continue to come. What should I do?

[AuntTami]

I've written about this before and nothing seems to be helping. I have a DCG (4) that I've had come for a year. During the school year she comes with her school age sister but this summer sister is at camp during the day so DCG is coming on own and all summer she's been pouting at drop off and says she doesn't want to play with my boys particularly
my 4 year old, who has been a fun friend all year. I am getting feed up with the behavior and have talked to parents about it. It's to the point where she just comes and sits but hersself for an hour sometimes longer before she joins us and even then playing has to be her way or she'll pout more. I offer her toys but all she does is pout. really starting to wonder if it's worth having her continue to come. What should I do?

Leave her. Offer her to come play with us and if she chooses not to, put her somewhere that you can see her but don't interact with her. If she wants to play, she will. If she wants to sit there all day, that's okay too. She doesn't HAVE to play if she doesn't want to.

As far as not wanting to come, is it because her sister is gone? Is she lonely? are the other kids all nice to her?

[rosieteddy]

I have dealt with this as well.I started feeling bad like it was my fault(not fun enough here ,ect )Then I took the emotion out of it.At 4 yrs old I would talk to the child /group.I would explain that we all would rather be home or only with our families doing fun things.Going to work,school and daycare is our job. WEe all make the best of it .I would explain how her/his parents need to go to work.You work to give everyone a nice day at daycare. YOU EXPECT HER TO COME IN HAPPILY .iF FOR WHATEVER REASON SHE IS NOT HAPPY ON ARRIVALSEND HER TO THE TABLE OR BOOK CORNER.i WOULD EXPLAIN THAT NO WHINING OR COMPLAINING WILL BE TOLERATED .rEAD A BOOK NICELY OR SIT UNTIL YOU CAN BE HAPPY. (SORRY FOR CAPITALS DID NOT LOOK UP).Give the child no extra attention for bad behavior. That being said I did start doing "table activities" daily.I would set up a differant thing each day.Puzzles one day.games such as matching .lacecards ect .I bought paper doll and wooden doll playsets.Each set up was contained in a plastic tub only put out on that day (this made it special)If you whined you stayed in book area.good luck.

[Shell]

I had one like this. She wouldn't say she didn't want to come, but would walk in with arms crossed and pouting and wouldn't step off the mat by the door for about 30 mins. Dcm had no tolerance for the behavior, so it's not like she was getting attention or anything.

I originally tried cajoling her to join the group, but it was a waste of time.

I then would just ignore and tell the other kids she was being grouchy, and would join when ready.

Idk what the cause was: missed her parents, too many boys in the group? No idea. She did finally stop and will ask for space in the a.m when she needs it but is generally pleasant at drop off.

[childcaremom]

I've got a little guy who does this now. Drop offs are usually awful (a lot of carrying on) but this is newish in the past 2 weeks and isn't always at drop off.

At drop off, mom just leaves so I remind him that while he may not like coming here every morning, mommy has a job to go to and his job is to come here and when he is ready to join us he can.

Sometimes I will hear it when he gets into trouble.

Other times he will just say it.

I asked him where he would rather be and he told me the cottage. They spend almost every weekend there so.... yeah, I'd rather be there, too.

[AuntTami]

It just dawned on me..... Maybe she's just not a morning person? I'm not. No one better even look at me if I haven't been up for at least 30 minutes . I've been that way my entire life. I don't do mornings well. Maybe she doesn't either and she just needs some time to be alone to wake up and get acclimated?

[Heidi]

Building on what Tammi said, why not just give her that space?

I'd put some quiet activities and books in a quiet area, and kindly direct her there until she's ready to play with her friends. "It's okay if you're not ready to play with your friends yet. I set up a little quiet area for you, and you can just hang out there until you're feeling ready".

I had a little dcb that would just go lay on his cot for 15 minutes at the beginning of each day. It was totally his choice to get up when he was ready to play. Eventually, he did it less and less.

[Play Care]

Building on what Tammi said, why not just give her that space?

I'd put some quiet activities and books in a quiet area, and kindly direct her there until she's ready to play with her friends. "It's okay if you're not ready to play with your friends yet. I set up a little quiet area for you, and you can just hang out there until you're feeling ready".

I had a little dcb that would just go lay on his cot for 15 minutes at the beginning of each day. It was totally his choice to get up when he was ready to play. Eventually, he did it less and less.

This.

But I'll be honest and say that if the behavior continues despite me giving space I wouldn't hesitate to term. A child constantly saying they are unhappy/don't want to be here is something I don't want to deal with on a daily basis. IME, These are the kids who make things up to get out of coming to DC.

[AuntTami]

This.

But I'll be honest and say that if the behavior continues despite me giving space I wouldn't hesitate to term. A child constantly saying they are unhappy/don't want to be here is something I don't want to deal with on a daily basis. IME, These are the kids who make things up to get out of coming to DC.

I agree. If giving her space doesn't work and she's still struggling, yes then term. Don't put up with it forever

[AmyKidsCo]

ITA with Tami & Heidi. Maybe she's not a morning person, maybe it's a bid for attention and/or bid for control.

"Don't water your weeds" is a one of my favorite phrases. Basically, give more attention to the behavior you want to encourage than to the behavior you want to discourage.

At drop off I'd say "I know, but I'm glad you're here," then walk away and leave her to her own misery.

Don't invite her to play, don't offer toys, don't do anything that she could think was an effort to get her to participate. But if/when she comes on her own, let her know you're glad she came to play and give her extra attention then.

When she pouts because she's not getting her way, ignore as much as you can. If you feel he need to say something, try "I know, it's a bummer when we don't get what we want..." then ignore again.

Don't water your weeds...