"I hate you" and cursing

[DaycareMom]

so its summer and my daughter and one other dcg are non nappers since they are in school. My daughter will be 7 soon and dcg is 6.
I have had dcg since she was an infant and my daughter and her have always played great together.
So, for when the other kids are napping, i allow them to play quietly in my daughters room.
Well it seems as soon as this dcg thinks/knows I'm not watching her, she starts acting out. She does not respect my daughters things and today started saying and writing on her white board that she hated my daughter and some of the other kids. Then, I overheard her dropping f bombs. She recently Colored all over my coffee table too when she thought I wasn't watching her.
She is literally the best kid when I'm watching her... It's like a completely different child.
I have every intention of speaking to mom at pick up!
How would you handle this?
Any help/advice is greatly appreciated. TYIA!

[Heidi]

Personally, I'd tell her that if she can't be trusted to act like a big girl, she'll need to take a nap like the little ones. Or at least, lay on a mat with books during nap time.

I'd give her one more chance, turn on a monitor, and keep an eye on it.

School agers are so tough! The last one I had fought with my son constantly (they were just very different kids), broke his toys purposely (he'd rather have been playing basketball, honestly, than Legos). I eventually termed, because it wasn't really fair to the child, either, to be "cooped up". My own kids are total geeks! lovethis

[Blackcat31]

so its summer and my daughter and one other dcg are non nappers since they are in school. My daughter will be 7 soon and dcg is 6.
I have had dcg since she was an infant and my daughter and her have always played great together.
So, for when the other kids are napping, i allow them to play quietly in my daughters room.
Well it seems as soon as this dcg thinks/knows I'm not watching her, she starts acting out. She does not respect my daughters things and today started saying and writing on her white board that she hated my daughter and some of the other kids. Then, I overheard her dropping f bombs. She recently Colored all over my coffee table too when she thought I wasn't watching her.
She is literally the best kid when I'm watching her... It's like a completely different child.
I have every intention of speaking to mom at pick up!
How would you handle this?
Any help/advice is greatly appreciated. TYIA!

Sounds like someone needs a nap.

If she can't behave as expected without your eyes on her, she should have to lie down so you can supervise her.

Make sure you let her know EXACTLY why she has to rest with the others. Staying up and not needing the provider to constantly supervise is a privilege not a right.

[Play Care]

She recently Colored all over my coffee table too when she thought I wasn't watching her.
She is literally the best kid when I'm watching her... It's like a completely different child.

She is telling you she can't handle being out of your sight. So she goes on the nap mat with everyone else with some books, soft toys, etc... during quiet time. She is not allowed in your child's bedroom or anywhere you can't see her. I know she is close in age to your child, but legally speaking the standard of care is higher for kids that are not yours - meaning you can't really relax your supervision just because she's older or that you've had her since infancy, etc.

With my own school aged kids I make sure to sign them up for age appropriate camps/lessons though out the summer so they are not stuck at day care all day. They are not "forced" to play with people who break their toys, say they hate them, etc. And no day care kids are ever allowed in my kids bedrooms during day care, ever. Aside from the fact it's against regs (bedrooms are upstairs and off limit) my kids deserve a break from day care, just as the day care kids get to leave day care...

I also think anytime you watch kids and have your kids there, the dynamic is going to be warped - almost like your kid is always "teacher's pet" and will cause jealousy and issues (even if you try to treat everyone fairly) It's one of the reasons I was glad when I stopped taking kids that were my own kids ages.

[e.j.]

I agree with the others - she'd be napping with the younger kids from now on and she'd be under my constant supervision. I wouldn't allow her to go off and play with my dd. If my dd wanted to play with dcg, they'd both have to be in my day care room with the other kids.

I'd also speak with dcm and let her know that dcg's behavior has been unacceptable and needs to improve immediately. Any more cursing, writing on furniture, etc., and she may face termination. I'd be afraid my younger kids (and my own child) would start throwing the F bomb around, too!

[laundrymom]

I agree. If she's not a fantastic friend to your daughter, she gets to be a daycare child. She doesn't get to have freedom. She gets to stay in nap room w kids and be quiet while they rest.