Self-Help

[TXhomedaycare]

I'll try and make this short. I have a 3 year old and 4 year old dcb that have very little self help skills. We had splash day and they could not put their shirt, shorts, underwear, shoes or socks on. Their parents do everything for them. My son is 4 years old and has been getting himself dressed since he was 2 yo. I know all children are at different developmental levels but there is no reason that these kids can't get themselves dressed on their on. I refused to do it for them so I show them how to hold their clothes and talk them through it. These same 2 boys also don't know how to wipe their self if they go number 2. I talk them through it and show them how much tissue they need. I have been doing this home daycare for only a year so I guess I shouldn't be shocked but this greatly annoys me since I come from upbringing that you learn self help skills ASAP. I try to tell them when your mom comes put your shoes on or lets do it now so mom can see you can do it by yourself. These kids let their parents do everything for them the second they pick them up. When the 3 yo dcb started he was not even potty trained his mom said she didn't know he was supposed to be yet. when we do learning time opt he 4 yo dcb will not participate in the activities unless I sit with him and literally do his work for him (I refuse to do that) or helicopter over everything he does while he ask if he is doing it right. He will not do anything by himself without being managed. If I tell him to try on his own and if it is wrong it's okay he will put his head down and do nothing. He even said I wish my mom was here she would do it. These parents have crippled their kids. Is this normal? Should I mention to the parents that to be kindergarten ready they need to learn these skills? Am I wrong for not doing this stuff for them? Feedback please

[Unregistered]

We have had a child the exact same way and is fixing to start kindergarten in the fall. Parents don't allow their children to do for themselves anymore!!!

[Josiegirl]

Crippling their kids is right And no, you are not wrong. The parents do need to hear the self help skills they should be helping their kids with. Maybe you could find a list of kindergarten ready skills to share with the parents, telling them this is what you've started working on with them and would love it if you all were supportive of each other.

I have a very sweet 3 yo dcg and I love her to pieces. But she doesn't want to try doing much of anything. Socks, shorts, shirts, forget it. Shoes only if they're easy but she wears rubber boots a lot of the time. I try to do what I can but it's difficult dividing your time between lots of dcks as you guys know.

[MarinaVanessa]

Not wrong at all.

I personally don't bother to talk to parents about this but I clearly say in my handbook that a goal of mine is for children to be independent and practice their self-help skills. It's amazing how during the day children will learn to dress, toilet and put their own shoes on by themselves but as soon as their parents arrive to pick them up suddenly the children are unable to do any of that themselves

I don't bother with it. As long as they do it for me I don't mind that they won't do it for mom and dad ::

[daycare]

All that I ask is that they try. If they try and can't then I want them to politely ask me for help. Every family is different. Perhaps the parents dress them because morning time is a battle and they need to get out the door on time each day. BTDT.

At pick up time I don't care who puts coats, shoes, clothing of any kind on, I am ready for them to go home so the faster they move on the happier I am. Sounds bad, but I am ready to enjoy my own family.

I would continue to teach them and make it fun. Boys love to race and compete. When you are not in a transition, I would make a game of it and show them how. Let's see who can get dressed the fastest ready set go...Have everyone do it. You will be surprised how willing they are to learn to get dressed when its fun...

[Controlled Chaos]

All that I ask is that they try. If they try and can't then I want them to politely ask me for help. Every family is different. Perhaps the parents dress them because morning time is a battle and they need to get out the door on time each day. BTDT.

At pick up time I don't care who puts coats, shoes, clothing of any kind on, I am ready for them to go home so the faster they move on the happier I am. Sounds bad, but I am ready to enjoy my own family.

I would continue to teach them and make it fun. Boys love to race and compete. When you are not in a transition, I would make a game of it and show them how. Let's see who can get dressed the fastest ready set go...Have everyone do it. You will be surprised how willing they are to learn to get dressed when its fun...

In the winter I full on bribed the kiddos with m&ms or jelly beans. Whoever can get all their gear on by themselves get's a treat! Once all the kids were able to do it I switched to a sticker and then just a high 5. It was also a tool for me to see who really COULD do it and who needed more help, rather than who was lazy and who was trying their best.

[Unregistered]

Honestly, its different culture and family preferences. Your culture's value is to create an independent child 'ASAP'. Theirs isn't. You are fighting a losing battle- to the detriment of the child. You make them at odds with their parents. Perhaps talk to the parents about the goals you have for the children and try to find out what they (the parents) are hoping the children will learn- and what age do they (the parents) feel the children should be dressing and wiping themselves. Let them know that in group care, the children have to be more self sufficient to get what they need- outside time (dressing selves) or wiping well on their own (so they don't get rashes)... Idk but I would talk to the parents respectfully and know that they have DIFFERENT beliefs than you, not wrong beliefs.

[Blackcat31]

Honestly, its different culture and family preferences. Your culture's value is to create an independent child 'ASAP'. Theirs isn't. You are fighting a losing battle- to the detriment of the child. You make them at odds with their parents. Perhaps talk to the parents about the goals you have for the children and try to find out what they (the parents) are hoping the children will learn- and what age do they (the parents) feel the children should be dressing and wiping themselves. Let them know that in group care, the children have to be more self sufficient to get what they need- outside time (dressing selves) or wiping well on their own (so they don't get rashes)... Idk but I would talk to the parents respectfully and know that they have DIFFERENT beliefs than you, not wrong beliefs.

This ^^

Every family is different. This is another great example of why making sure that each family is a good fit for your program is vital.

If parents and providers have the same philosophies and goals for the child, things go very well. If they don't everything is an uphill battle.

I am really big on using natural consequences and the environment to teach kids self help skills.

If Billy can't dress himself, then Billy does not participate in the big kid water play and has to play a different type of water play.

If Johnny can't put his own shoes on then Johnny isn't big enough to play on the big kid side of the yard.

If Suzy can't manage her toileting needs on her own, then Suzy isn't totally potty trained and doesn't get to participate in some of the older kid activities.

I use LOTS of natural consequences and my environment to influence kids to WANT to be independent.