Disrespectful(?) DCM

[Guest]

I couldn't figure out how to search this, but I'm sure you all have lots of experience with this...

I have a dcm who has been unreliable from the start. When I would get her schedule it would constantly be changing because of one thing or another (sometimes outside her control, mostly due to her being disorganized) and anytime I've brought it up to her I get bowled over with apologies and explanations. Sometimes the kids were brought early with no notice, as much as an hour and a half, sometimes they would be brought late, sometimes they wouldn't be here at all because someone else had them for the day.

My policy states that you are responsible for paying for the scheduled time whether your children are here or not. I also have a charge for schedule changes or late schedules. I have even talked to her about this issue several times, getting progressively more stern each time.

She gets state assistance for her daycare, including absent hours. And any time she has crossed the policy she has paid the fees happily. I'm not sure how to handle this, as it's not so much that I'm not getting paid, but I feel it's a lot of stress on my part and disrespectful on her part. I don't want to terminate yet as I adore the kids and the mom is a single mom trying to get her life back together, but I know that we all have our stories... I've even agreed to take her kids outside my normal hours to help her out and boost my bank account a bit. She is my largest source of income and I'd hate to lose that, too if I'm being completely honest.

So what would you do?

[KidGrind]

If I needed the money, then I would keep on enforcing my fees.

If I did not need the money, I would give a warning in writing or two weeks notice.

I doubt she will change.

[Thriftylady]

I won't open my door early. If they want early they can schedule it and pay for it. My late fees are steep, and if late keeps being an issue, I raise them for that family to something I KNOW will make them not pay. Because many times it isn't the money we want, we want them to follow the rules. So if I raise my fees to $30 per every 5 minutes late, and make them sign it they will quit being late! It has taken me a long time (and this forum) to start building my backbone, but it keeps growing . I am not trying to be rude in any way, but YOU are letting her do this and as long as you LET her she is going to do it. You don't have to term, just quit letting her treat you like you are her own personal assistant.

[Unregistered]

I had a dcm like this. I eventually turned her away when she came early. Told her I was packed until her alloted time... sorry! Another time I left right as she was arriving (2 hours early ) on purpose to get the point across. You could also try 'updating' your policies and contracts and be very specific.

[Guest]

I have been enforcing the fees but I feel like it doesn't matter to her since she doesn't pay the bill as a whole. $20 here or there is more of an inconvenience maybe...? I can think about raising fees just for that family but I'm not sure that's right.

I have not taken her kids early in several weeks. I simply tell her I'm full and I'll see her at the scheduled time. I guess the biggest issue is the schedule and the lateness. I'm still getting paid for her kids not being here, it's just incredibly aggravating.

Today, for example, they were scheduled here at 2:30 so she can get to work (less than a block away from me) for her 3 pm shift. At 3:05 I called and got no answer. No text, no call back until 3:24 she texted she was on her way. She lives maybe 5-7 min drive away and she didn't get here until about 4 pm. She dropped the kids and said she and the kids were all packed up in the car, waiting for the person giving them a ride. After half an hour they told her to just take their other car. Like I keep saying, I'm getting paid for the hour and a half they weren't here so I should be happy for easy money but it really throws my day off since she has 3 kids.

Am I just being easily agitated or would you guys do something about this?

[KidGrind]

I definitely wouldn’t be calling her to see where she’s at.

[Guest]

I definitely wouldn’t be calling her to see where she’s at.

Can I ask why? Sorry, I'm very new at this!

[Thriftylady]

Can I ask why? Sorry, I'm very new at this!

Well I don't know why the OP on this stated but I can tell you why from me.

I DON'T CARE WHERE YOU ARE AT. (don't mean to scream, just make a point)

You are not where you are supposed to be and I don't care why. If she has no issue paying late fees, either raise them (to something she will have an issue with), or do away with late fees and do the three strike policy. I know you don't want to term, but likely you won't have to. She is doing this only because you allow it. She knows she won't have it that good elsewhere. I mean does it really matter where she is???? She is late that is all that matters.

[e.j.]

I have been enforcing the fees but I feel like it doesn't matter to her since she doesn't pay the bill as a whole. $20 here or there is more of an inconvenience maybe...? I can think about raising fees just for that family but I'm not sure that's right.

Why not? If this is the only family who is testing your policy, isn't it fair that they pay a higher rate than the families who generally pick up on time but maybe get caught in traffic once? If you want the same policy for all families, you could always change your policy to say that after 2 (or however many you want) late pick ups, the rate goes up to $xx per minute.

I have not taken her kids early in several weeks. I simply tell her I'm full and I'll see her at the scheduled time. I guess the biggest issue is the schedule and the lateness. I'm still getting paid for her kids not being here, it's just incredibly aggravating.

Do the same thing regarding the schedule. If she screws up and wants you to take the kids on a day when they're not scheduled just say, "I'm so sorry. I can't take them today." Hopefully, the inconvenience this causes her will bring it home to her in a way that just talking to her hasn't. As far as late drop offs, I try not to get upset because I'm getting paid for the time anyway but I do understand why it upsets you. I've had kids show up in the middle of a meal. If I didn't make enough for them, I have to start over which makes that meal last longer, throwing off my schedule for the day. If I did make enough for them, Murphy's Law says they won't show. Same for crafts and craft materials! If it bothers you enough, you could always change your policy to read that if a child is late by 15 minutes or more (or whatever time works for you), he will be considered absent for the day and then refuse to take the kids after that time has passed. It can be a little drastic but if she's on her way to work and now has to figure out what to do with the kids, she may think twice about dropping off late again.

Today, for example, they were scheduled here at 2:30 so she can get to work (less than a block away from me) for her 3 pm shift. At 3:05 I called and got no answer. No text, no call back until 3:24 she texted she was on her way. She lives maybe 5-7 min drive away and she didn't get here until about 4 pm. She dropped the kids and said she and the kids were all packed up in the car, waiting for the person giving them a ride. After half an hour they told her to just take their other car. Like I keep saying, I'm getting paid for the hour and a half they weren't here so I should be happy for easy money but it really throws my day off since she has 3 kids.

As a rule, I may call if I know a family is never late but I never call if a family is habitually late. I'm their child care provider not the parent's babysitter.

[Guest]

Thanks for the input everyone. I decided that as long as I get paid, I probably shouldn't care so much... I think it bothered me so much because it comes off as rude and I just plain don't do rude! I can deal with her being scatter-brained for a few minutes at drop off and pick up and other than that I'll just stand behind my policies.

[AmyKidsCo]

Thanks for the input everyone. I decided that as long as I get paid, I probably shouldn't care so much... I think it bothered me so much because it comes off as rude and I just plain don't do rude! I can deal with her being scatter-brained for a few minutes at drop off and pick up and other than that I'll just stand behind my policies.

I always refer to Tom Copeland's Three Choices of Life:
1. You're happy. The situation isn't perfect but you can live with it.
2. You're not happy. Tell the parent what they need to do differently, and if they don't comply you'll terminate care.
3. You quit. You're not happy but don't want to confront the parent, so you need to close your business and do something else.

Usually I end up back at #1.