Guess I know where I stand

[Josiegirl]

My rule for this summer, with the SA dcks, is you earn your electronic time with reading time(during quiet time). If you read for 30 minutes, you earn 30 minutes. I thought it was entirely fair.
I had 6 and 8 yo sisters yesterday....they didn't bring any books from home so I showed them where my supply is. I also gave them notebooks, colored pencils and makers, if they wanted to draw or write instead.
When they were done they left the notebooks on the table. I was tearing out the used pages and came across We hate you. Of course they'll deny it. But I know it wasn't there before yesterday afternoon. Do I 100% know it was directed at me? No, not 100%. But I've got it hanging on my fridge with other kids' artwork this a.m. and wonder what their reaction will be when they see it.
I know they're just kids. I know kids can be mean. I know they could have meant someone else. But even so, I will have a grand discussion today with them.
I feel angry and hurt and disheartened.

How would all of you handle this?

[Play Care]

I'm sorry

Not much help as this is why I don't do SA care. I find they need to be very, very active and busy all.day.long. Or they get sneaky and in trouble.
Thankfully there are some great SA programs/camps in my area that I can refer families to.

[Blackcat31]

:hug: Like Play Care, I don't deal with SA kids either but honestly before assuming it was directed at me I would have thought it was the girls' writing notes back and forth to each other.

Sisters?
Having to play together?


KWIM?


If they are continually disrespectful or rude towards you, I cant' say I would be hurt or upset then as they are probably always sour p u s s e s towards anyone imposing rules or limits on them but if they are normally well behaved and respectful towards you, I wouldn't give the note a second thought.

[Shell]

Don't let it bother you- I know it's hard not to though.
They all have attitude problems at that age, and usually you hear this kind of stuff when they don't get their way.
When I taught afterschool, there was so much drama.
Being that it was in a notebook, there's no guarantee it was about you, and at least they didn't say it TO you. That would be a big issue.

[Shell]

I was just thinking more about this- and you don't have to take my advice, but just a thought.
Writing in a notebook is a "safe" way for kids to get their feelings out, like a journal. Even though you saw it, maybe you could give the kids a journal so they can write/draw and it's just for them?

[Blackcat31]

Don't let it bother you- I know it's hard not to though.
They all have attitude problems at that age, and usually you hear this kind of stuff when they don't get their way.
When I taught afterschool, there was so much drama.
Being that it was in a notebook, there's no guarantee it was about you, and at least they didn't say it TO you. That would be a big issue.

I was just thinking more about this- and you don't have to take my advice, but just a thought.
Writing in a notebook is a "safe" way for kids to get their feelings out, like a journal. Even though you saw it, maybe you could give the kids a journal so they can write/draw and it's just for them?

Great point!!

[Josiegirl]

Well, I asked them about it this a.m. and they did deny it. They said they were playing a game. I told them hate was a very strong word, that it's really not okay to use it when you're talking about people. Dcg said it was a fake person. Ok. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. This time.
The only trouble I ever have with them is expecting them to follow the rules and keeping them busy enough. I think down time is good for everybody in the afternoon, even kids who don't nap. We all need to rejuvenate for the rest of the day. But these 2 dcgs expect life to be constant fun. And most of it has to be supplied for them.

Yes, journals are being handed out next week, there will be a full crew starting then. We did journals last summer too.

[NoMoreJuice!]

I've had a daycare girl write a nasty note about how she hates me. She was several years older than her siblings and all my other kids, and honestly I don't feel it was the right situation for her. However, when I found the note in her notebook, I ripped it out and handed it to her mom at pick up. Mom was mortified, and whatever she said at home did the trick. I had the nicest, most respectful girl show up the rest of the summer.

I used to try to handle all behavior problems by myself, but now I hand a lot over to the parents. We are teachers, our role is to assist the parent in the shaping and molding of their little humans. I don't like when parents act like they are the supporting role and leave the heavy lifting to us, so I give them lots of responsibility.

[midaycare]

I'm guessing my dck's probably "hate" me a few times a day. Every time I tell them no. Then they love me again.

Journals are a great idea!

[Josiegirl]

I'm guessing my dck's probably "hate" me a few times a day. Every time I tell them no. Then they love me again.

Journals are a great idea!

I know. That's what I'm kinda thinking now too. Kids don't like to be told they cannot do something, no matter what the age. They just react differently, depending on their ages.
We've actually had a pretty good week because my 2 more challenging dcks have been off for vacation. So these 2 dcgs and I have been getting along okay. They're just used to manipulating the adults in their lives and they didn't accomplish that with me.

I feel better now. Thanks all!

[jgcp]

That would be hard to find that and not take it personal!:hug: Its so hard with the older ages. I just caught a 9 yr old dcg being sneaky/ lying. I asked her about it and gave her a little talk about respect and being honest. she was 100% better today! So maybe they do have hearts hehe

[Laurel]

I've had a daycare girl write a nasty note about how she hates me. She was several years older than her siblings and all my other kids, and honestly I don't feel it was the right situation for her. However, when I found the note in her notebook, I ripped it out and handed it to her mom at pick up. Mom was mortified, and whatever she said at home did the trick. I had the nicest, most respectful girl show up the rest of the summer.

I used to try to handle all behavior problems by myself, but now I hand a lot over to the parents. We are teachers, our role is to assist the parent in the shaping and molding of their little humans. I don't like when parents act like they are the supporting role and leave the heavy lifting to us, so I give them lots of responsibility.

LOVE this!

Laurel

[Laurel]

Reminds me of the time when I was a preteen and made my mom cry by saying "I hate your guts." She had sent me to my room for something. I remember wondering why she was crying (as she wasn't a crier) thinking I was only mad at her. She was a great mom.

The note really wouldn't bother me that much. My daughter had a diary but the only time she wrote in it was when she was mad apparently. Actually I thought that was very healthy. I found it years after she was grown and we always laugh about the following entry and I quote. "I hate my mom, I hate my dad, I hate my 'hole' family."

If I had found that note from OP I think I would have brought it to the attention of the girls and said something like. "This note is kind of disturbing. I guess you girls must have been mad at someone. Looks like you got glad again though." That way they know you've seen it, didn't accuse, and kind of put it back on them. I might give them 'a look' also. I am a great look giver my own kids have told me.

Laurel

[Blackcat31]

We are teachers, our role is to assist the parent in the shaping and molding of their little humans. I don't like when parents act like they are the supporting role and leave the heavy lifting to us, so I give them lots of responsibility.

Amen!! This is so true!

My passing over the responsibility was born years ago out of my own exhaustion (I was tired of always being the bad guy) but it was still necessary.

All too many times, I read posts on forums where providers say things like "I can never count on parents so I supply everything" or "Parents don't follow through so I waited until they left and took it away from the child"

My favorite is "I'm not a confrontational person so....." and then they usually add something along the lines of how they just manage or make do on their own without expecting the parent to have any responsibility in the situation or something similar.

It always makes me sad because I wonder what makes that particular provider feel something is THEIR issue to fix or solve...

These children have parents and just because the parent works it doesn't mean they are automatically excused from parental responsibilities.