What Is Attached Parenting ?

[Blackcat31]

Attachment Parenting is not a bad thing and is more or less what most of us do for our own children anyways...

It's the parents that take the bits and pieces of this method of parenting and don't FULLY understand it's principles.

The ONLY reason most child care providers STRONGLY dislike the AP methods is because there really is no place in it for child care.

Like the definitions posted in the links above, the point of AP is to cultivate a strong bond between child and caregiver and we all know that creating, cultivating and perfecting this bond/attachment requires a great deal of time WITH the child as well as ALOT Of one on one attention....something most child care providers are simply unable to do.

It doesn't make AP bad nor does it create self-absorbed, entitled children IF done correctly.

It just doesn't mesh with GROUP care when the entire foundation of AP is meeting the individual child's needs based on the child's INDIVIDUAL growth and developmental patterns. Something that goes directly against the foundation of group care.

Needing to meet the group's needs as a whole is the exact opposite of the idea/concepts of Attachment Parenting and THAT is where the issue lies for child care.

It's my personal belief that anyone claiming to be raising their child according to the principles of attachment parenting but wants to enroll their child in child care is totally doing it wrong or is misunderstanding the method entirely.

[KiddieCahoots]

Does this thread hit home!

I don't know if I'm attracting these type of parents, or if this is now the majority parenting style?

How bad would it be for me to print this thread out and give it to perspective parents on interviewing to let them know lound and clear.....this will not be tolerated!?

[Thriftylady]

Attachment Parenting is not a bad thing and is more or less what most of us do for our own children anyways...

It's the parents that take the bits and pieces of this method of parenting and don't FULLY understand it's principles.

The ONLY reason most child care providers STRONGLY dislike the AP methods is because there really is no place in it for child care.

Like the definitions posted in the links above, the point of AP is to cultivate a strong bond between child and caregiver and we all know that creating, cultivating and perfecting this bond/attachment requires a great deal of time WITH the child as well as ALOT Of one on one attention....something most child care providers are simply unable to do.

It doesn't make AP bad nor does it create self-absorbed, entitled children IF done correctly.

It just doesn't mesh with GROUP care when the entire foundation of AP is meeting the individual child's needs based on the child's INDIVIDUAL growth and developmental patterns. Something that goes directly against the foundation of group care.

Needing to meet the group's needs as a whole is the exact opposite of the idea/concepts of Attachment Parenting and THAT is where the issue lies for child care.

It's my personal belief that anyone claiming to be raising their child according to the principles of attachment parenting but wants to enroll their child in child care is totally doing it wrong or is misunderstanding the method entirely.

I agree with this, mostly. The whole thing for me is do what you want with your child, but keep it safe and don't expect others to be able to do it. I guess I think if people want to parent this way, they should be prepared to pay a nanny. And the co sleeping bothers me because if as studies show it really causes deaths, no one should be doing it. Am I the only one who sees a conflict between "attachment" and doing something that is shown to cause great harm to the child? I think that is my biggest problem with it outside of parents wanting it in daycare.

[Blackcat31]

I agree with this, mostly. The whole thing for me is do what you want with your child, but keep it safe and don't expect others to be able to do it. I guess I think if people want to parent this way, they should be prepared to pay a nanny. And the co sleeping bothers me because if as studies show it really causes deaths, no one should be doing it. Am I the only one who sees a conflict between "attachment" and doing something that is shown to cause great harm to the child? I think that is my biggest problem with it outside of parents wanting it in daycare.

That's my point.... true AP does not include others or a nanny. It's the bond/attachment to the PARENT.

As for causing great harm to the child, I don't think any principle of AP causes great harm to the child (maybe to their psyche later in life when some find out that the whole world is not on the same page) but I don't see anything that causes great harm. Not even co-sleeping.

If done "correctly" co-sleeping IS beneficial to the child/parent. Co-sleeping does not mean the infant is snuggled up under fluffy blankets, tucked under mama's arm or attached to the breast on a waterbed while both parent and baby sleeps.... contrary to what we (general we, as providers) see/understand as co-sleeping, it CAN be done in a safe and beneficial manner.

I think I mentioned it above but the WRONG in attachment parenting (for parents) is not fully understanding what it truly is and taking only bits and pieces of it and then doing it wrong.

[Thriftylady]

That's my point.... true AP does not include others or a nanny. It's the bond/attachment to the PARENT.

As for causing great harm to the child, I don't think any principle of AP causes great harm to the child (maybe to their psyche later in life when some find out that the whole world is not on the same page) but I don't see anything that causes great harm. Not even co-sleeping.

If done "correctly" co-sleeping IS beneficial to the child/parent. Co-sleeping does not mean the infant is snuggled up under fluffy blankets, tucked under mama's arm or attached to the breast on a waterbed while both parent and baby sleeps.... contrary to what we (general we, as providers) see/understand as co-sleeping, it CAN be done in a safe and beneficial manner.

I think I mentioned it above but the WRONG in attachment parenting (for parents) is not fully understanding what it truly is and taking only bits and pieces of it and then doing it wrong.

Yes you mentioned it, but I can only speak to what I have actually seen. I don't believe it is meant do be done the way some do it, but I have seen so much of it. People do it with other things also so it isn't just this. I mean people get prescribed medications and don't take them right same thing really.

[Sugaree]

I'm sure this will come as no big surprise, but I ascribe to some of the attachment parenting teachings. He's still nursing at 2. We co-sleep and have since he was born. I'd still rather wear him than deal with a stroller.

BUT

I don't expect anyone else to do that. He sleeps on a cot at daycare. Sure, the first few weeks were rough with him only going to sleep in the bouncy chair at daycare. I've never asked anyone else to lay with him or wear him or anything. He's a smart kid and understands that daycare isn't home and things are done differently.

I also have no problems letting him cry and whine over non-emergency things.

[Play Care]

That's my point.... true AP does not include others or a nanny. It's the bond/attachment to the PARENT.

As for causing great harm to the child, I don't think any principle of AP causes great harm to the child (maybe to their psyche later in life when some find out that the whole world is not on the same page) but I don't see anything that causes great harm. Not even co-sleeping.

If done "correctly" co-sleeping IS beneficial to the child/parent. Co-sleeping does not mean the infant is snuggled up under fluffy blankets, tucked under mama's arm or attached to the breast on a waterbed while both parent and baby sleeps.... contrary to what we (general we, as providers) see/understand as co-sleeping, it CAN be done in a safe and beneficial manner.

I think I mentioned it above but the WRONG in attachment parenting (for parents) is not fully understanding what it truly is and taking only bits and pieces of it and then doing it wrong.

[AuntTami]

I have to agree with you here BC. AP is exactly what it says, attachment PARENTING. There's no room or time in group care to do the attachment part, and we aren't the child's parents.

I honestly feel like those that are "doing" AP, are really doing MORE harm to their children by doing it AND putting them in daycare than if they were not trying so hard or kept them home.

Think about it? You spend the first year building this strong, loving emotional bond with yo R baby where every time he cries or fusses, you're holding him. He's grown to expect you there at the smallest cry. And then you drop him off at daycare where not only are they not holding him every minute and attending to his every noise, which is enough of a shock to a little person, but then you take away their "security" item which is mom/dad and NOW what?

It's no wonder daycares frown on AP! We're dealing with a child all day who has lost his favorite blankie!

[LysesKids]

I'm sure this will come as no big surprise, but I ascribe to some of the attachment parenting teachings. He's still nursing at 2. We co-sleep and have since he was born. I'd still rather wear him than deal with a stroller.

BUT

I don't expect anyone else to do that. He sleeps on a cot at daycare. Sure, the first few weeks were rough with him only going to sleep in the bouncy chair at daycare. I've never asked anyone else to lay with him or wear him or anything. He's a smart kid and understands that daycare isn't home and things are done differently.

I also have no problems letting him cry and whine over non-emergency things.

See that's where you and a lot of AP parents differ... I do nothing but infant care and some of the moms interviewing refuse to allow CIO for even 2 minutes because I am busy with another baby, or they want the baby coddled at every turn - I also tell them their child has to sleep in the crib or on the floor bed (12 months & up), and I will not lay next to them or allow them to sleep on me... all the babes here get loads of love & hugs, but it's shared, not 1 on 1 like at home. I commend you for accepting and understanding the differences between home & childcare

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Attachment Parenting is not a bad thing and is more or less what most of us do for our own children anyways...

It's the parents that take the bits and pieces of this method of parenting and don't FULLY understand it's principles.

The ONLY reason most child care providers STRONGLY dislike the AP methods is because there really is no place in it for child care.

Like the definitions posted in the links above, the point of AP is to cultivate a strong bond between child and caregiver and we all know that creating, cultivating and perfecting this bond/attachment requires a great deal of time WITH the child as well as ALOT Of one on one attention....something most child care providers are simply unable to do.

It doesn't make AP bad nor does it create self-absorbed, entitled children IF done correctly.

It just doesn't mesh with GROUP care when the entire foundation of AP is meeting the individual child's needs based on the child's INDIVIDUAL growth and developmental patterns. Something that goes directly against the foundation of group care.

Needing to meet the group's needs as a whole is the exact opposite of the idea/concepts of Attachment Parenting and THAT is where the issue lies for child care.

It's my personal belief that anyone claiming to be raising their child according to the principles of attachment parenting but wants to enroll their child in child care is totally doing it wrong or is misunderstanding the method entirely.

I agree with this. I really think they THINK they are practicing attachment parenting, but to me, it is more like coddle parenting. I know for some, working is the only option, so they have to have daycare, but oddly enough, all my AP style parents are not those people. They are choosing to go to work for their own needs, which is fine, but I always found it odd. Maybe the parenting style is too consuming for them and they need to get away? Who knows, but I do agree that it is probably more in their head, than a parenting style they are actually following. It is definitely one of those styles that is super trendy right now.

[spinnymarie]

Attachment Parenting is not a bad thing and is more or less what most of us do for our own children anyways...

I totally agree. And I think it gets a bad rap because of the many people confusing it with 'no-cry' parenting and a total lack of discipline.

I'm happy to work with attachment parenting families as long as they understand what is functional at daycare and will support it as needed at home.

[Ariana]

I am an AP and trust me what most parents practice is "permissive parenting". AP is about gentle guidance and natural consequences and limits. It isn't about letting kids rule the roost so to speak. I had one parent choose me as a provider because I told her I practiced AP with my own children....she literally expected me to AP her child. Ummm nope you have to stay home if you want that for your child. This is group care!

[Magic]

thank you every one
wow a lot of info
I will be reading and reread all this and the sites....

very intresting
the end result is what we all hope for in " our " children

I agree if it is huge AP it is hard to be in day care ....
I kind of did it with my own girl she is 15 now
we are VERY close , she is compassionite and I get many MANY compliments on her ...it is just her and I and she was raised in a day care which realy helped in her growth ...

the part that worries me is INDEPENDENCE

my own girl is very independent ..as we know children are very different when the parents show up ....but I am seeing and guessing that a couple are AP and well ....the parents are caving and doing stuff carring to cars ex when I feel they should be doing and learning to do all this ...
I had one little girl 2 1/2 still nursing having a complete meltdown crying " booby booby " mom says stop I am giving you what you want ...I am teaching the child to ask politely calmly ex....

now I have much more insight to many forms of parenting
I saw it lots just not the lables to go with it all
thanks again every one ...