What the... Seriously?

[jgcp]

Ok i think im at my wits end with the sister and brother duo sa kids. So between the snotty attitude, constant back talk, non stop bickering, im losing it. Now they throw in lying and hiding stuff from me. I try to give the older kids a little room to play without me hovering( is that wrong, Im starting to think so) but for the most part they are always in the same room but i will let them go on the porch(i always have a window or door open) when im doing stuff with the smaller kids. But anywho, the 9 yr old is constantly telling the other kids how mean i am( i have a snitch but im happy i do) and today for lunch i made rice bowls with black beans, veggies, cheese, sour cream, the little kids ate it but dcg9 whispers to the other one" this is so gross i think i might throw up":could she be more dramatic?) fine i dont care if you dont like it, but you will eat whats on your plate( little bro kept saying he was full but hardly touched it) later im dumping water cups and OUT COMES A BUNCH OF FOOD ONE OF THEM SHOVED IN THE CUP Seriously kids??? Like i said i dont hover but i have a great room so im on the couch, they are at a table 7 ft away??? I really dont know if i should talk to them first or parents, i hate wasted food but the lying and being jerks about it? REALLY....

[childcaremom]

Ok i think im at my wits end with the sister and brother duo sa kids. So between the snotty attitude, constant back talk, non stop bickering, im losing it. Now they throw in lying and hiding stuff from me. I try to give the older kids a little room to play without me hovering( is that wrong, Im starting to think so) but for the most part they are always in the same room but i will let them go on the porch(i always have a window or door open) when im doing stuff with the smaller kids. But anywho, the 9 yr old is constantly telling the other kids how mean i am( i have a snitch but im happy i do) and today for lunch i made rice bowls with black beans, veggies, cheese, sour cream, the little kids ate it but dcg9 whispers to the other one" this is so gross i think i might throw up":could she be more dramatic?) fine i dont care if you dont like it, but you will eat whats on your plate( little bro kept saying he was full but hardly touched it) later im dumping water cups and OUT COMES A BUNCH OF FOOD ONE OF THEM SHOVED IN THE CUP Seriously kids??? Like i said i dont hover but i have a great room so im on the couch, they are at a table 7 ft away??? I really dont know if i should talk to them first or parents, i hate wasted food but the lying and being jerks about it? REALLY....

I am a non-hoverer (word? ), too. I stay within ear's distance of my older ones and they are in my sight but I don't stand over top of them. That may change here, as well, as the last few weeks have been unbearable with my group with the same kinds of issues. My dcks are younger but I have a lot of the same type of behaviour from the 5 yo. The most I can figure is that she is bored and/or tired.

Sounds like your 9 yo is bored, too.

Are you able to let them help plan meals? And then help prepare them? Offer guidelines but let them help pick it out? May not cure the complaining but it would give them something constructive to do about the 'gross' food, . I would just reiterate that they don't have to eat but we still have our manners at the table. Talking like that would not be manners and they would get one warning and then be excused.

[Play Care]

This is the very reason I stopped doing SA care. I also had a child who said horrid things about me to the other kids. In my case the other kids didn't tell me the whole of it until after she was gone. She would have been gone much sooner had I realized the extent - when SA kids talk, parents believe them...
I still have two young SA boys (not related) but they've all been put on notice that their time is coming to an end. The oldest was bored this year though he's picked up early mostly so it hasn't come to a head. But I find that SA kids need MORE supervision and direction than the littles. Part of me thinks it has to do with being in school all day and being told what to do every minute. But in any case they probably need you to provide more direction and age appropriate activity. And that may very well be impossible in your situation (it was in mine)
After spending two summers like you've described I said enough and have made changes. For me the lighter load means more time with my own kids and less stress.

[childcaremom]

This is the very reason I stopped doing SA care. I also had a child who said horrid things about me to the other kids. In my case the other kids didn't tell me the whole of it until after she was gone. She would have been gone much sooner had I realized the extent - when SA kids talk, parents believe them...
I still have two young SA boys (not related) but they've all been put on notice that their time is coming to an end. The oldest was bored this year though he's picked up early mostly so it hasn't come to a head. But I find that SA kids need MORE supervision and direction than the littles. Part of me thinks it has to do with being in school all day and being told what to do every minute. But in any case they probably need you to provide more direction and age appropriate activity. And that may very well be impossible in your situation (it was in mine)
After spending two summers like you've described I said enough and have made changes. For me the lighter load means more time with my own kids and less stress.

Def. the case with mine. Dcm really plays into it and caters to it. Dcg is often heard telling dcb, I'm going to tell my mom that you did x, y and z.

In my case, I speak directly to dcg each time but last night I emailed her mom. Just a general, over the past few weeks..... thought you should know....

[Heidi]

I don't do SA anymore, either. I might consider keeping my current kiddos once they're that age, but never again would I enroll an older child.

As for the meals, I don't blame you for not wanting to waste food. Personally, I would serve it family style (even if just for the SA's), have them set the table, bus the table, etc. Remind table manners (we don't talk like that...even whispers), and tell them to leave the table if they are rude. They don't have to eat; but they do have to have manners.

For family style, put a little in each bowl for them to serve themselves. They can start with two spoonfuls of each item (or say no thank you to something). Once their plate is empty, they can get seconds. You can then refill the "family" bowls if needed. If not, you have leftovers that haven't been touched.

[jgcp]

I did talk to brother and sister this morning to find out who exactly it was and not surprising it was 9 yo dcg. I just explained that next time anything like that happens a call to mom will happen. I asked if this happened at home and dcb was like heck no we would be grounded! ha so i let them know if the attitude and not listening and lying continue not only would i call the mom nothing fun for them would happen anymore! I told her if she thought i was so mean i would let her mom know she wasnt happy here anymore and they could go elsewhere, that seemed to scare her I think they got it finally haha plus the look on her face that i caught her was priceless::::
I def stayed on top of them today and they hated that!!!:::::: Good

[Josiegirl]

Hopefully, they'll change their 'tude and try for better behavior from now on.

Just wanted to bring up a point about dcks behaving differently under our care vs. parents' care. I'm always listening to dcps say 'they don't act like that at home'. While sometimes that's complete hogwash, other times I want to smack 'em upside their heads and say OF COURSE NOT!!!! You don't have a bunch of other kids there for them to compete with! Plus it's 2 against 1(or2) at home where it's me against a group. Really, dcps??? Do you expect them to act the same way in every environment or situation??

[Blackcat31]

I did talk to brother and sister this morning to find out who exactly it was and not surprising it was 9 yo dcg. I just explained that next time anything like that happens a call to mom will happen. I asked if this happened at home and dcb was like heck no we would be grounded! ha so i let them know if the attitude and not listening and lying continue not only would i call the mom nothing fun for them would happen anymore! I told her if she thought i was so mean i would let her mom know she wasnt happy here anymore and they could go elsewhere, that seemed to scare her I think they got it finally haha plus the look on her face that i caught her was priceless::::
I def stayed on top of them today and they hated that!!!:::::: Good

Independence and freedom from hovering eyes should be an earned privilege NOT something they get just because they are older.

I'd make them "work" for any special or individualized activities geared towards them or their age group.

No privilege of being on the porch or outside your line of sight if they aren't respectful and polite. If they lie or talk back or behave in a manner that is unacceptable, then treat them accordingly.

With age comes special privileges but with those privileges comes a certain level of responsibility and expectation that they will act their age.


...and remember, the worst thing (IMHO) you can do when you have school age kids in care is try to be their friend. The second they feel they are your equal or age-mate, they WILL take advantage.

[Unregistered]

Independence and freedom from hovering eyes should be an earned privilege NOT something they get just because they are older.

I'd make them "work" for any special or individualized activities geared towards them or their age group.

No privilege of being on the porch or outside your line of sight if they aren't respectful and polite. If they lie or talk back or behave in a manner that is unacceptable, then treat them accordingly.

With age comes special privileges but with those privileges comes a certain level of responsibility and expectation that they will act their age.


...and remember, the worst thing (IMHO) you can do when you have school age kids in care is try to be their friend. The second they feel they are your equal or age-mate, they WILL take advantage.

ITA. My first summer I did SA (never again, thank you very much). I had a dcb who was old enough to have extra privileges, but he always misbehaved. I ended up terming, but in the meantime, he was my shadow.