Help me figure this out

[childcaremom]

So my group has done fairly well at getting along and free play despite differences in ages.

I have slowly petered out the structure (circle time, art, etc) and we are now outside for the majority of the day. Snacks, lunch, rest is all still the same and I keep that on time each day.

Our outside area is large and I will occasionally have stuff set up for the kids to do.

On days where I don't have stuff set up, they take a little bit of time (about 30 mins) to get into a groove, but they get there and they play well together.

On days where there is stuff set up, they are usually keen to see what it is. If it is a new set up, they can spend 2+ hours at that station. If it has been there before, it may be ignored.

It's not a big deal to set up stuff but I don't feel like I should have to every day. I want them to be able to play well together and independently without the constant need for something new.

BUT...

The last few weeks things have been falling apart. They are crabby. They are fighting with each other. They are not listening to the rules and need constant reminders. I put it off to them not feeling 100% (we have had a few crazy bugs working their way through us all), not getting enough sleep, etc

But it is not improving. Yesterday was a good day. A really good day. We haven't had one of those in a while but today was bloody awful. Fighting, whining, language, disrespect. They have lost the privelege of playing with certain toys. They can't get along and when separated, whine to play together.

I need to fix this. Do they need more structure? Or do they have too much free time? Is that even possible? Should I have new stuff set up each day for them?

I have never had a group like this before. Always had lots of free play time and not one group has been like this. I've separated, assigned roles, stepped in, stepped back, offered advice, brainstormed. I've lengthened naps, offered bigger lunches and snacks.

Help?

I should mention it is the 3 and 5 year old I am having issues with. The 5 yo is off to school in September.

[Thriftylady]

Some kids need the structure. Other kids can go either way. But if you have two that need it, they can throw your whole group off if they start acting up. Can you find a happy medium somewhere?

[Josiegirl]

Are they bickering with each other or making the whole group miserable? Is one trying to be the boss? It could be anything. While I don't feel it's our job to do all the entertaining because then they're not allowed to think for themselves and get creative, are there certain activities they've enjoyed more than others? You could keep those available.
I really don't get kids sometimes, especially these days. They're not satisfied to play outside. They need constant activities in front of them. In my yard they've got a bunch of things...play equipment, dirt kitchen type stuff, sand play, a townscape, and sometimes I still hear someone say after 10 minutes....I want to go in. Good grief, all I ever had was a rusty ole 2 seater swing and a backyard to play in. I was so content there. And with no one to play with. Maybe your trouble-makers need some solitude for awhile?
I'd just keep offering basic simple stuff and they can do with it what they want. Chalk, water, bubbles, sand, room to run. I don't think it's lack of stuff or activities, I think they need to find their inner creativity and get separated when they act up.

[childcaremom]

I think honestly that dcg is bored. And there is an age difference but they were getting along.

She wants new things to do, new things to play with, new activities to try, etc. Always asking if I set up new stuff for them to do, talking about new toys she has at home, etc.

My girls are home for the summer now and she was fine playing with them (they are new!) but then didn't want to resort to playing with dcb afterwards. Picked fights, tattling. Threatening to tell her mom.

I emailed her mom to fill her in on some general stuff I am noticing and to see if she is sleeping well.

I may stick her back on naps if she doesn't improve.

[Josiegirl]

She have any siblings at home? has she been like this with the parents too?
It's sad to see some of these kids cannot think for themselves. They're so used to being entertained, it's almost like it's supposed to be a party every day for them.
If she misbehaves outdoors, I'd let her sit apart from the group, until she can treat them nicely. She can decide when that is. If she says she'll be nice and does it again, back she goes. Maybe having her watch the others playing and having fun, she'll change her mind? I don't know. It's worth a try but as with a lot of things, it takes time to see a change.

[childcaremom]

She have any siblings at home? has she been like this with the parents too?
It's sad to see some of these kids cannot think for themselves. They're so used to being entertained, it's almost like it's supposed to be a party every day for them.
If she misbehaves outdoors, I'd let her sit apart from the group, until she can treat them nicely. She can decide when that is. If she says she'll be nice and does it again, back she goes. Maybe having her watch the others playing and having fun, she'll change her mind? I don't know. It's worth a try but as with a lot of things, it takes time to see a change.

She has a younger brother and he is here, too.

I think that she has been encouraged to use her words and to express her feelings.... which is good and I do to.... but she almost expects to be catered to when she does We are working on that.

I think she does expect a certain amount of entertaining, or has come to expect it. She had a hard time adjusting.

I guess I just figured that they had adjusted. But it is like their first weeks here all over again.

[MsLisa]

I have a 6yr old girl like that. If no one plays with her every second she's here she immediately starts up with the "I'm bored!", "I want my mom", and my favorite "There's nothing to do!".
I usually just ignore it or simply go "That stinks. Well I guess all these toys are for nothing then huh?". I refuse to entertain any of it. Ironically, nine times out of ten, she finds something to do on her own or one of the other older kids will let her join in their game.

She also does the "I want mommy" whine but when mom does arrive she gives her attitude and yells at her not to pick her up so early. :confused: Kids.....

[childcaremom]

Well she was separated from the group within 90 minutes of arriving. When I was setting up her rest area, she loudly proclaims that her mom says that she doesn't need to sleep anymore. Great coaching, mom.

I am so tired of this family working against me. I am not against her not napping and would actually be doing this anyways but it is clear to me that she is not sleeping at night lately (she shares a room with her screamer brother and he hasn't been sleeping) so why would you want her to suffer the next day? Why set her up for a crappy day?

I guess we will have another wild afternoon here.

[Heidi]

Well she was separated from the group within 90 minutes of arriving. When I was setting up her rest area, she loudly proclaims that her mom says that she doesn't need to sleep anymore. Great coaching, mom.

I am so tired of this family working against me. I am not against her not napping and would actually be doing this anyways but it is clear to me that she is not sleeping at night lately (she shares a room with her screamer brother and he hasn't been sleeping) so why would you want her to suffer the next day? Why set her up for a crappy day?

I guess we will have another wild afternoon here.

"Your mom is right. You don't have to sleep, but you DO have to rest. You can look at books, lay quietly, or sleep. Those are your choices".