I need Information on Adoption

[Laurel]

My oldest son (41) has no children and has always wanted one. He would make a great father. His past relationships didn't work out as far as having children. His time clock is ticking. He currently lives with a girlfriend he loves but she is older than him and can't have children anymore (she has one teen now).

If anyone knows how in the world to navigate through this, I need some advice. The little looking I have done on the internet is overwhelming. How do we determine a reputable organization to contact regarding this? He wants an infant. Our state website has mostly older teens and sibling sets and children with severe medical needs. Really no infants that I saw. Other sites say it is about $20,000 for a private adoption.

Where do we start?

As far as the $20,000, I told him it is a lot but no more than buying a car. That sounds crude but you know what I mean. I know one of my dck's was adopted and the mom always joked about putting him on her MasterCard. Also she was older also so that wasn't a concern. I could call her but she was the only client I ever had who left on bad terms. She did apologize though. Too little too late so I would rather not ask her.

Thanks for any help. I am in Florida if that helps.

Laurel

[Thriftylady]

Well I know it can be expensive, but if you do a domestic adoption you can usually get tax breaks. Not sure about overseas ones. I also know that many of the agencies require you to be married for at least a year before they will consider you. Not saying they all do, but one would have to check around. I would be sure to get a lawyer involved, it adds to the cost, but could help keep him from getting taken to the cleaners. Also be aware that the bio parents have a certain time period to change their mind after the child is born.

[Laurel]

Well I know it can be expensive, but if you do a domestic adoption you can usually get tax breaks. Not sure about overseas ones. I also know that many of the agencies require you to be married for at least a year before they will consider you. Not saying they all do, but one would have to check around. I would be sure to get a lawyer involved, it adds to the cost, but could help keep him from getting taken to the cleaners. Also be aware that the bio parents have a certain time period to change their mind after the child is born.

Thanks, I did notice that they get a tax break. I forgot to tell him that.

He is not married but in our state couples can enter into a Domestic Partnership which they did about 6 months ago. I imagine this was meant for same sex couples but men and women can enter into one in our state. He did say one place that he checked would require them to be married. It is good to know about the year requirement though. He isn't in a big hurry so maybe they should consider getting married soon.

Laurel

[Thriftylady]

Thanks, I did notice that they get a tax break. I forgot to tell him that.

He is not married but in our state couples can enter into a Domestic Partnership which they did about 6 months ago. I imagine this was meant for same sex couples but men and women can enter into one in our state. He did say one place that he checked would require them to be married. It is good to know about the year requirement though. He isn't in a big hurry so maybe they should consider getting married soon.

Laurel

Well maybe, but I hope he doesn't do it for that reason only.

[nannyde]

I adopted 15 years ago and it was way more than $20k.

[Pepperth]

"Adoptive Families" has a great website. It has sections explaining the different types of adoption as well as how it can vary from state to state. Fees and fee structure vary greatly, so he'll want to call several agencies when he's at that point, and have a good checklist of questions ready to compare them. Some have a fee structure where you pay only a little (relatively speaking) until until a child is placed into your home. The tax break is decent, but that is after the fact. There are some grants to look into, although I never had much luck with those. The best thing he can do is lots of research.

[Leigh]

Perhaps he would be interested in being a foster parent? Adoption from foster care is 100% free in most states, and darn close to it in the rest. It's a long process to adopt from foster care in most cases, but it's an option. I'm a foster parent who adopted my first placement (a newborn), and am working on adopting another (a baby who was placed with me who may or may not be able to stay, even though rights have been terminated. He's Native, and his tribe apparently doesn't want him with a white family).

Being a foster parent can be hard work, and you get your heart broken on a regular basis, but it's also very rewarding for someone who wants to be a part of a child's life. He can contact his local Dept. of Social Services and inquire about classes for foster parents. Those classes (required) can help him decide if that's the path he wants to take.

[Blackcat31]

I haven't visited the area but we have a whole section of the forum on adoption.

https://www.daycare.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=20

[Thriftylady]

Perhaps he would be interested in being a foster parent? Adoption from foster care is 100% free in most states, and darn close to it in the rest. It's a long process to adopt from foster care in most cases, but it's an option. I'm a foster parent who adopted my first placement (a newborn), and am working on adopting another (a baby who was placed with me who may or may not be able to stay, even though rights have been terminated. He's Native, and his tribe apparently doesn't want him with a white family).

Being a foster parent can be hard work, and you get your heart broken on a regular basis, but it's also very rewarding for someone who wants to be a part of a child's life. He can contact his local Dept. of Social Services and inquire about classes for foster parents. Those classes (required) can help him decide if that's the path he wants to take.

This is true, but I was a foster parent in the past and I can tell you if you want a baby from foster care, you are not likely to get it. If you do get a baby it will likely have major issues such as drug addicted. There are plenty of older kids for adoption but most that came through our doors had been in foster care for years and had plenty of issues there. We had one girl we wanted to adopt and she wanted it to but the closer we got, the harder she worked to end the process. Turned out she was scared to be adopted and changed her mind. Not saying there are not some great foster kiddos looking for forever homes, because there are but it comes with its share of heartbreak finding that child.

[Leigh]

This is true, but I was a foster parent in the past and I can tell you if you want a baby from foster care, you are not likely to get it. If you do get a baby it will likely have major issues such as drug addicted. There are plenty of older kids for adoption but most that came through our doors had been in foster care for years and had plenty of issues there. We had one girl we wanted to adopt and she wanted it to but the closer we got, the harder she worked to end the process. Turned out she was scared to be adopted and changed her mind. Not saying there are not some great foster kiddos looking for forever homes, because there are but it comes with its share of heartbreak finding that child.

My adopted son was not born drug addicted. He's quite intelligent and about 2 years ahead of others his age in educational development (incredible language and thinking skills). The little one that I have had for the last 16 months was not born addicted either, but had been exposed in utero before birth to meth. I have been through hell with the younger because he was so severely neglected for the first 4.5 months of his life. He's come a long way, though, and has finally reached "age level" on his screenings, and been able to form a healthy attachment with us. I've had kids with RAD & ODD who have made me want to pull my hair out (have a 3-year old like that now). I've had more kids, though, who are sweet, scared, and good kids who had crappy parents. I know others who have adopted from foster care (infant and older kids) and have not regretted their decisions at all.

I didn't get into foster care to adopt a baby, though. It just happened that those are the kids that were placed with me (We asked for placements 8yo & up). We decided on adoption because we fell in love with these babies.

I am lucky enough to have a good team to work with at my local CPS office, and a great team of therapists available for these kids, too. I know that this isn't the case for everyone. I still encourage Laurel's son to explore the option if he thinks he has it in him to foster-It is one of the best decisions I have ever made.

[Blackcat31]

Perhaps he would be interested in being a foster parent? Adoption from foster care is 100% free in most states, and darn close to it in the rest. It's a long process to adopt from foster care in most cases, but it's an option. I'm a foster parent who adopted my first placement (a newborn), and am working on adopting another (a baby who was placed with me who may or may not be able to stay, even though rights have been terminated. He's Native, and his tribe apparently doesn't want him with a white family).
Being a foster parent can be hard work, and you get your heart broken on a regular basis, but it's also very rewarding for someone who wants to be a part of a child's life. He can contact his local Dept. of Social Services and inquire about classes for foster parents. Those classes (required) can help him decide if that's the path he wants to take.

That is a fairly common concept here (in my area) too. When my parents were foster parents when I was young, a majority of the families placed with us were Native American. Native American children now are not normally ever placed in foster care unless the foster parents are also Native.

There is a local story about something similar....Native parents chose a white family to adopt their child but the tribe is stopping the adoption from happening so the biological parents are filing a federal law suit... Apparently there was some kind of law passed (The Minnesota Indian Family Preservation Act, enacted in 1985) that gives tribes the right to intercede in adoptions in situations like this.

http://www.duluthnewstribune.com/news/3762981-minnesota-couple-sues-over-state-adoption-laws-tribal-angle

[Thriftylady]

My adopted son was not born drug addicted. He's quite intelligent and about 2 years ahead of others his age in educational development (incredible language and thinking skills). The little one that I have had for the last 16 months was not born addicted either, but had been exposed in utero before birth to meth. I have been through hell with the younger because he was so severely neglected for the first 4.5 months of his life. He's come a long way, though, and has finally reached "age level" on his screenings, and been able to form a healthy attachment with us. I've had kids with RAD & ODD who have made me want to pull my hair out (have a 3-year old like that now). I've had more kids, though, who are sweet, scared, and good kids who had crappy parents. I know others who have adopted from foster care (infant and older kids) and have not regretted their decisions at all.

I didn't get into foster care to adopt a baby, though. It just happened that those are the kids that were placed with me (We asked for placements 8yo & up). We decided on adoption because we fell in love with these babies.

I am lucky enough to have a good team to work with at my local CPS office, and a great team of therapists available for these kids, too. I know that this isn't the case for everyone. I still encourage Laurel's son to explore the option if he thinks he has it in him to foster-It is one of the best decisions I have ever made.

That may make a huge difference. I was in Kansas, and they had farmed out the foster care system to local agencies. The lowest bidders got contracts. There was a shortage of case workers and social workers and it could take DAYS to hear back from one if you called. I wouldn't tell anyone not to foster, but in our case it was heartbreaking. And we were told in our classes that the state never has healthy babies to adopt. I think part of that was that the parents had at least two years to get their act together. So by the time they were adoptable they were toddlers not babies. In some cases I am sure they were great, but we took teenagers not by plan but what they always seemed to send us so I didn't see many of the toddlers. I did see what happened when they were never adopted and were still in the system as teens.

[AmyLeigh]

That is a fairly common concept here (in my area) too. When my parents were foster parents when I was young, a majority of the families placed with us were Native American. Native American children now are not normally ever placed in foster care unless the foster parents are also Native.

There is a local story about something similar....Native parents chose a white family to adopt their child but the tribe is stopping the adoption from happening so the biological parents are filing a federal law suit... Apparently there was some kind of law passed (The Minnesota Indian Family Preservation Act, enacted in 1985) that gives tribes the right to intercede in adoptions in situations like this.

http://www.duluthnewstribune.com/new...s-tribal-angle

That's actually a federal law, called Indian Child Welfare Act of 1978. It has to do with the political sovereignty that the tribes have.

http://www.nicwa.org/Indian_Child_Welfare_Act/

[Leigh]

That's actually a federal law, called Indian Child Welfare Act of 1978. It has to do with the political sovereignty that the tribes have.

http://www.nicwa.org/Indian_Child_Welfare_Act/

Minnesota has a law that goes beyond ICWA (BC referenced the law), allowing the tribe to intervene and override parental wishes. I was surprised when I read the article to learn that this would be allowed!

[AmyLeigh]

Minnesota has a law that goes beyond ICWA (BC referenced the law), allowing the tribe to intervene and override parental wishes. I was surprised when I read the article to learn that this would be allowed!

Oops, you're right. ICWA is about involuntary removal, this law is about voluntary surrender of parental rights. I worked for CPS a few years ago and my mind automatically goes to ICWA.