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Please Help With a Child
Hi! I'd love some help with a situation. I have a 4 yo dcg who comes to me 3 days per week. I could be wrong in my assumption, but based upon conversations I've had with dcm and what I see when she's here, there seems to be a huge disconnect between discipline at home and discipline here.
She has an absolute fit several times a day when she doesn't get her way. She frequently does things to try to annoy and upset other children. Refuses to eat the food I serve here, calling it "YUCK!" and making a big scene about it. Has a meltdown at drop-off every other day she comes, screaming at the top of her lungs and either demanding that I stop everything and call her parents to come get her, or demanding that I stop everything and hold her. She's in a sensitive/bad mood one or two days a week (she only comes three days), and it causes her to say mean things to other children, hurt their feelings, etc., among other things.
I believe that I offer a variety of engaging, age-appropriate activities for her and the other children. There are other children here who are her age and with whom she gets along (overall). On days that I *think* she's had fun and had a good day, I'll get an email from her dad or her mom asking about her day (even though I send home very detailed daily reports in her bag and pictures to email), because, as they will tell me, she said on the way home that "(she) never wants to go back and (she) hates" it here.
I try not to take it personally, but when I work so hard to provide a fulfilling and exciting day full of play-based learning and social opportunities, it's hard not to feel defeated.
Additionally, I always try to speak calmly and lovingly to her, empathizing with her feelings and big emotions, trying to give her words to express herself, label her feelings, find things to be excited about, offer a calming alternative place to go to relax, etc. At the same time, I do have expectations for behavior. I communicate that it's okay to be upset, but it is NOT okay to x, y, or z.
Today, she came in and seemed fine until two minutes after dad dropped her off. Suddenly, she was screaming and crying, demanding that I call him to come get her. All the while, other children are actually frightened over her tantrum, and parents are still dropping off, no doubt wondering what on earth must be making her so upset to be left here. The theatrics continued, and I eventually tend to ignore them if the usual methods don't work. She refused to eat snack, but then wanted it after snack was over (which I don't and didn't allow), and eventually ended up punching another child in the back right in front of me.
Violent outbursts are immediate timeouts. It's clear to me that she does not get timeouts at home, because she seems to have no idea about how to handle them. She becomes EXTREMELY upset, screaming and anxiously begging to come out, wanting to talk, etc. The first few times I put her in timeout here, I tried to calmly guide her through what a timeout was, and what the expectations were. She still doesn't seem to get it, or feel that she needed to follow them.
At this point, I have reached out to mom about the behavior troubles. I have requested a telephone conference to discuss the situation. There needs to be a connection between school and home relative to consequences and followup for behavior at school that I don't feel is there right now. There seems to be ZERO consequences for poor behavior at school, and she seems to feel immune to consequences, because when she's in trouble, the first thing she does is demand that I call her parents. Mom has expressed that they are BIG on peaceful parenting at home, but the impression I'm left with is that it's more permissive than anything.
I'm sure she is going to go home, yet again, complaining and saying how much she hates it here and never wants to go back. Dad told her at drop-off that they were headed to the zoo after school today (which they do frequently and she absolutely LOVES it). In the past, I've told dad at pickup about her rough days, but he's shrugged it off, called it normal behavior for her age, and still brought her to the zoo. :confused::dislike::confused:
Suggestions on what else I can be doing here? Also, any thoughts on what I should talk to mom about? I'm so frustrated and exhausted. She's not like this all of the time. Some days are better than others. But at least half of her days are pretty rough.
Thank you.
She has an absolute fit several times a day when she doesn't get her way. She frequently does things to try to annoy and upset other children. Refuses to eat the food I serve here, calling it "YUCK!" and making a big scene about it. Has a meltdown at drop-off every other day she comes, screaming at the top of her lungs and either demanding that I stop everything and call her parents to come get her, or demanding that I stop everything and hold her. She's in a sensitive/bad mood one or two days a week (she only comes three days), and it causes her to say mean things to other children, hurt their feelings, etc., among other things.
I believe that I offer a variety of engaging, age-appropriate activities for her and the other children. There are other children here who are her age and with whom she gets along (overall). On days that I *think* she's had fun and had a good day, I'll get an email from her dad or her mom asking about her day (even though I send home very detailed daily reports in her bag and pictures to email), because, as they will tell me, she said on the way home that "(she) never wants to go back and (she) hates" it here.
I try not to take it personally, but when I work so hard to provide a fulfilling and exciting day full of play-based learning and social opportunities, it's hard not to feel defeated. Additionally, I always try to speak calmly and lovingly to her, empathizing with her feelings and big emotions, trying to give her words to express herself, label her feelings, find things to be excited about, offer a calming alternative place to go to relax, etc. At the same time, I do have expectations for behavior. I communicate that it's okay to be upset, but it is NOT okay to x, y, or z.
Today, she came in and seemed fine until two minutes after dad dropped her off. Suddenly, she was screaming and crying, demanding that I call him to come get her. All the while, other children are actually frightened over her tantrum, and parents are still dropping off, no doubt wondering what on earth must be making her so upset to be left here. The theatrics continued, and I eventually tend to ignore them if the usual methods don't work. She refused to eat snack, but then wanted it after snack was over (which I don't and didn't allow), and eventually ended up punching another child in the back right in front of me.
Violent outbursts are immediate timeouts. It's clear to me that she does not get timeouts at home, because she seems to have no idea about how to handle them. She becomes EXTREMELY upset, screaming and anxiously begging to come out, wanting to talk, etc. The first few times I put her in timeout here, I tried to calmly guide her through what a timeout was, and what the expectations were. She still doesn't seem to get it, or feel that she needed to follow them.
At this point, I have reached out to mom about the behavior troubles. I have requested a telephone conference to discuss the situation. There needs to be a connection between school and home relative to consequences and followup for behavior at school that I don't feel is there right now. There seems to be ZERO consequences for poor behavior at school, and she seems to feel immune to consequences, because when she's in trouble, the first thing she does is demand that I call her parents. Mom has expressed that they are BIG on peaceful parenting at home, but the impression I'm left with is that it's more permissive than anything.
I'm sure she is going to go home, yet again, complaining and saying how much she hates it here and never wants to go back. Dad told her at drop-off that they were headed to the zoo after school today (which they do frequently and she absolutely LOVES it). In the past, I've told dad at pickup about her rough days, but he's shrugged it off, called it normal behavior for her age, and still brought her to the zoo. :confused::dislike::confused:
Suggestions on what else I can be doing here? Also, any thoughts on what I should talk to mom about? I'm so frustrated and exhausted. She's not like this all of the time. Some days are better than others. But at least half of her days are pretty rough.
Thank you.
happyface
Hilarious!
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