"You hurt me!"

[Controlled Chaos]

I have a 4yo dcb who I have had for 3 years. Parents are great. DCB has some behavior issues. I am quick and consistent with logical consequences and this tends to keep him in check and under control. Well, recently he started yelling "you hurt me" whenever he is getting a consequence. He might be yelling this while I am gently leading him away from the car area to a table for some quiet time. Or maybe while he is sitting in the reading area alone as he lost the privilege of playing with legos etc. His mom knows he does this, she knows he isn't hurt and he is manipulative. Today he did this when two parents (not his) had just dropped off and were outside by the window. I don't know if they heard, but I know they could have. I am so embarrassed. I have great clients and really great relationships with them. Should I address it with them? Let them know in a heads up kinda way? I don't want to bring it up if they didn't hear...but he could yell it again. I wouldn't mind if he yelled it when they were watching, they would see he is not hurt, but to hear it when you don't see...so scary. The idea a parent would think me capable of hurting a little one It makes my stomach hurt.

Thoughts?

[Heidi]

Yes, I think I would say something.

"Hey, I'm just letting everyone know, we have a child here right now that has been yelling "you hurt me" when he's upset. I think maybe he's referring to his feelings being hurt, but of course, it sounds like something entirely different. I'm letting you know so you're not worried if you here it".

Something like that?

[Annalee]

I have a 4yo dcb who I have had for 3 years. Parents are great. DCB has some behavior issues. I am quick and consistent with logical consequences and this tends to keep him in check and under control. Well, recently he started yelling "you hurt me" whenever he is getting a consequence. He might be yelling this while I am gently leading him away from the car area to a table for some quiet time. Or maybe while he is sitting in the reading area alone as he lost the privilege of playing with legos etc. His mom knows he does this, she knows he isn't hurt and he is manipulative. Today he did this when two parents (not his) had just dropped off and were outside by the window. I don't know if they heard, but I know they could have. I am so embarrassed. I have great clients and really great relationships with them. Should I address it with them? Let them know in a heads up kinda way? I don't want to bring it up if they didn't hear...but he could yell it again. I wouldn't mind if he yelled it when they were watching, they would see he is not hurt, but to hear it when you don't see...so scary. The idea a parent would think me capable of hurting a little one It makes my stomach hurt.

Thoughts?

If he is 4, he is able to control saying things like that. I might have a consequence for that as well or try asking him "how you hurt him?" and after he answers express "how you did NOT hurt him but he made a choice which had consequences so his choice caused the hurt"....or something like that. Good luck!

[nannyde]

https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=63658&highlight=hermie

[nannyde]

Read the whole thread.

One of the best threads EVAH on daycare.com

Post 44 is the meat and potatoes

[Controlled Chaos]

Wow...that was an intense read Thanks!

[Unregistered]

I would call him out for lying. Flat out LYING.

[LindseyA]

Whew! Intense indeed! ::

[AuntTami]

Intense but SO spot on. I've done this for years without even thinking about it. I currently have a "MeMeMeMe" and a "NoNoNo"

[Leigh]

Intense but SO spot on. I've done this for years without even thinking about it. I currently have a "MeMeMeMe" and a "NoNoNo"

We call my 3 yo foster daughter "Screamin' Me!Me!" behind her back. She screams whenever she doesn't get her way (which is often). Poor girl has RAD, ODD, and PTSD.