Tweet
What do you do when you realize for sure that one child is changing the dynamics of your whole group? I've known this in my gut for a while, but this week dcb was gone 2 days & my group played beautifully...very little fighting, calm attentive kiddos attending to tasks, all of them engaged in activities and enjoying themselves throughout the day, even helping each other. And this is after being cooped up for 2 days due to rain. Dcb came back today & within 20 minutes of play time everyone is fighting, whining, tattling, rough housing, climbing on shelving units, "shooting" each other with invisible guns, etc. Toys have been taken away, children removed from certain play areas, & still the fighting continues. And no one is really even playing, just arguing over who had what first. I guess its time for me to pull out one activity and sit them all down. Sigh...Im out of ideas on reaching this dcb, but its hard b/c I love his mom so much. Always comes as soon as I call, keeps them him when sick, supports my policies, works on behaviors I discuss with her. Unfortunately dad lets them watch a lot of tv violence & it shows.
-
-
I must have his twin. How old is he? Mine is 3 next month. I have resigned myself to keeping him because his mom is so great and his behavior has improved a little. And because he will go to pre k next fall. I think I'd rather stick it out for another year for her sake instead of letting him go. I don't give up easily and I feel like I would be giving up and discarding him if I termed. Others are much less tolerant than I am, so he would end up daycare hoping for the next year and that would be even worse for his behavior.
I know I'm not much help in the what-to-do department, but I just wanted you to know that I can definitely relate to your struggle. -
I have found that keeping my guy busy helps. If he's constantly engaged with some activity, his behavior has fewer chances to get out of control. Free play is just not a good idea for him.Comment
-
This sounds like a good idea.
I have a girl this age who is actually a sweetheart, but does wander a bit. Her wandering disrupts the other children, who tend to be more engaged in their play.
I've found that if she does this, I assign her a task to start with. Basically "you choose or I choose". Over the last few weeks, she's much more apt to play than she was in the past. I think she's just more there developmentally, and I also have another new girl her age now who's a great player.
As for the gun play, I'd just tell them over and over that it's not allowed at school. "No guns at school...find something else to do, please" over and over. Then, "can you find something else to do, or shall I help you?"
Comment
-
He is 4. These are good ideas. I just hate to see everyone struggle b/c of one little guy. When I assign him to a task he gets mad, but plays better. I think this will be norm until he can control himself. I set him on a blanket with Lego right after I posted this & everyone else has gone back to playing nicely. I guess keeping him occupied is the key. Thanks ladies!Comment
-
I had one like this but he was much younger. He got everyone riled up. I stayed on top of him and was very consistent. His behaviour got a lot worse and then he started getting aggressive towards the others in my care. I chatted over and over with dcm, who said she was onboard but his behaviour told me otherwise. I ended up terming to keep my group safe. That was my extreme.
With your dcb, I would stay really consistent with him. He should know better at that age. Separating him if he can't play well with the group and letting him back into group play if he behaves. If he doesn't, right back to blanket on his own. The group should not suffer b/c of one. He deserves consequences for the inappropriate behaviour.
I would chat with parents. Get them onboard.
How old are the others in the group? Older? Younger? A lot of it could be boredom, too. Busy, busy, busy. I would even be proactive. As soon as he comes in, "Dcb, you can do this centre or this centre. Which would you like to do?"
I had a dcb just start who watched a lot of tv and violent shows. I shut down the play as soon as it started. It took a few weeks but I managed to curb it. As soon as he starts talking power rangers, turtles, or whatever, I stop it. He can't handle it and it escalates too quickly.Comment
-
If he's 4 and one of the older ones, I'd also talk to him about role-modeling. Explain what that means, and how the younger children look up to him to be a good role-model. Then, you can ask him, when he does innappropriate things, whether or not he thinks he's being a good role model. It's important for him to think about his actions, and you can help him start to self-correct.
I'd also give him some jobs. Helping you set the table, etc. Being the oldest comes with responsibilities and privileges. Make some things only 4-year old are allowed to do. If other's ask, say "well, dcb is 4, so he gets to do this, when YOU are 4, you'll get to as well".
My friend Tom has a special privilege for kids who are out of diapers. On their daily walks, they get to "walk the wall", which is just a retaining wall along the side walk. It's like a balance beam. It's a huge incentive for younger children to be allowed to walk that wall. It's like a right of passage, and wearing underwear is the key.
He also does really fun things like walk to Trader Joe's, where they purchase a watermelon and roll it all the way home. They take turns, and the challenge is to get it home in one piece. I think it's about a mile, and I think he must have a LOT of patience not to just pick up that watermelon and go. :
:
Comment
Comment