How to Approach a Parent about Concerning Behaviors and Terminating Care?

[Unregistered]

I have ran a very successful registered in home child care program for nearly 10 years now. I have a larger group of 8. I have cared for many types of children in my career. I am not opposed to enrolling a child with different abilities as long as they get a long with the group. Currently I have one sweet little DCG with DS. She gets along with everyone, and the kids love her and treat her no different than any of the other kids. I gladly allow her PT, OT and AEA teacher to come to my program as well. I have one 3yo DCG I enrolled a year ago. I suspected she might be on the spectrum, as did the visiting AEA teacher. Since I cannot make that diagnosis, and the DCP had a concern about her speech and socialization, I suggested on several occasions for her to contact the AEA regarding her concerns, and would even let them come here for evaluation. DCM is a SAHM, and DCG is enrolled full time. I am not quite sure why she hasn't contacted the AEA yet...always just says, yeah, that might be a good idea. I haven't pushed it further, while I still greatly suspect this, I have been working to integrate her with the other children, and for the most part, she has improved.

Now fast forward to this week. I had a spot open up and SAHM DCM asks if she can enroll her almost 2yo son too. It's been a really rough week with him, and I've been trying really hard to work with him, but I am going to have to talk to DCM and let her know I cannot continue care I have no doubt in my mind this child is on the spectrum, and I know I cannot approach the mother with that, but I need to give her some kind of explanation so she can find the appropriate program for him. The signs he exhibits were intensely worse than his sister at this age. *Does not play with toys. *Does not play with other children...or seem to realize they are here. *Does not respond to name. *Runs back and forth non stop. *Either emotionless or screaming and hitting his ears. *Does not bite food. Shoves fistfuls in his mouth. If he doesn't want to eat or is done, he throws his plate across the room. *Does not respond to me or make eye contact. *Does not speak.

So how do I approach DCM about not being able to continue care? I do not think this large group setting is benefiting him, and I think he really needs to enroll in one of the specialized programs here. I just don't know what to say...I've mentioned my observations to her...and she seems to think they are normal of all children his age.

[Play Care]

At this point I would keep it simple:

Dear DCM,

Although I have enjoyed working with Timmy, I find I am unable to meet his needs. Therefore the last day of care will be ________. Should you need assistance in your child care search, the local referral agency can be reached at 555-5555.

Sincerely,
Provider

I wouldn't give big explanations. It sounds as if you have mentioned things to mom, and she's just not hearing it. I do think she must realize something is off, because why else would her kids be in FT care when she's a "SAHM"??? Be prepared though because she will most likely take both kids out.

[Little Learners]

I recently had a child just like this. He was my last infant, a very sweet boy, but at almost 3 he said probably 2 words, and could hardly sit still. Not aggressive, but when he was playing it was always running back and forth. The parent told me the older sibling was severe ADHD which is what I suspected, and I believe he is also.

Having already been through it I felt they should know the signs. When he was a infant if I bought up a issue, it was always met with; our pediatrician says it's ok. Giving a 2 mo old rice cereal in their bottle? Currently they put him in a center, so I believe like the older one it will be dealt with in the school system. Unfortunately in this particular situation, I believe a lot of it is environment made.

One of my friends who also does daycare, told a parent a few years back that she should have her child tested based on his behavior. The parent dropped within 2 days. I was shocked when she told me because I remember her having that child for almost 2 years.

It can be a fine line, because some parents don't see it, live in denial.etc..so my approach is to tell them their behavior during the day. If they ask about testing, then I will give my opinion.

[Dia]

I recently had a child just like this. He was my last infant, a very sweet boy, but at almost 3 he said probably 2 words, and could hardly sit still. Not aggressive, but when he was playing it was always running back and forth. The parent told me the older sibling was severe ADHD which is what I suspected, and I believe he is also.

Having already been through it I felt they should know the signs. When he was a infant if I bought up a issue, it was always met with; our pediatrician says it's ok. Giving a 2 mo old rice cereal in their bottle? Currently they put him in a center, so I believe like the older one it will be dealt with in the school system. Unfortunately in this particular situation, I believe a lot of it is environment made.

One of my friends who also does daycare, told a parent a few years back that she should have her child tested based on his behavior. The parent dropped within 2 days. I was shocked when she told me because I remember her having that child for almost 2 years.

It can be a fine line, because some parents don't see it, live in denial.etc..so my approach is to tell them their behavior during the day. If they ask about testing, then I will give my opinion.

This is what I do also, sometimes I will repeatedly tell the parent things that there child is doing, but I always try to be nonchalant about it "yes, I noticed little Timmy really likes lining things up, he does that a lot these days" "yes, he seems to like the ceiling fan he can stare at it for quite a while sometimes"

It is a sensitive subject, but eventually they catch on and come asking for advice, although I was told that we are supposed to let the parent know if we suspect there is developmental issues, although I don't have a medical degree so I am much to uncomfortable to just blurt stuff out like that