I Can't Take It Anymore...

[Unregistered]

I have a 1 year old that I've had here for the last 3 months. His mom thinks he's perfect, but don't they all. She said he would fall asleep in your arms then be out for his nap. Well I did that for our first 2 weeks and I was trying to wean him to fall asleep by himself but this is the angriest baby I've ever worked with. He will scream and scream and scream if he wakes up alone, he still won't fall asleep without you holding him a certain way and staring at him. You can't put him down until he goes limp, almost out doesn't cut it, if he opens his eyes he wakes up completely then starts his angry cry. He cries out of insult if you even turn away from him while you're helping another child. He expects all of the attention and hates playing outside because I'm all over the place helping kids onto swings or running and kicking balls. He can walk around just fine and although is slower I try to include him in everything I can. Which is a lot. The kids prefer to play with smaller toys and close by me too since they are all 2 and he's 1.

Just yesterday I was picking strawberries for lunch on the other side of the chain link fence. I was 3 feet from him and fully visible, facing him even, all the other children were playing and he was crying his angry cry, shaking the fence because I was not right beside him.

Mom doesn't want to believe her son isn't happy all day and smiley so she doesn't hear me when I say we had a bad day, but I also think she'll think is my lack of years in the field that are why we have the issue. She doesn't see it. I don't believe in crying it out, but she doesn't believe he should ever cry. Her older child or her is entertaining him at home the whole weekend and evenings. I can't do that!

Am I in the wrong? Am I expecting too much from a 1 year old? My daughter at 1 was not super independent, but could fall asleep on her own and could play outside. Even my very stubborn niece could. I have a 5m old here at care too and she's way easier to put down for nap. I know they are all different but he's just always angry! So I'm at a loss, I don't know what to do.

Am I expecting too much from a 1 year old? I can't "fix" him since DCPs reinforce his behavior every day, but because this is their parenting style, they don't ever see this side of him maybe???

And if I decided to term, how do you term a child when the parents think it's the perfect fit and you know they won't understand because they aren't hearing the issue. What do I do? He's only here 4 days a week and it feels like the worst 4 days, Friday can't come quickly enough because he's not here.

Help?!?!!?

[nannyde]

Celebrate the cry. He deserves the right to express his little feelings. Put him to bed wide awake and say night night. Go get him up when his rest time is over. If he rests during nap.... cool. If he needs to express his little self with cry... then so be it.

I would not purposely have him near me during activities nor would I incorporate him into activities where he wants his own adult. If he can't manage you doing stuff that isn't all about him then respect that and give him his own area away from you where he can grieve his loss.

Have respect for his feelings and don't try to ameliorate them. He has a right to feel the way he does. The only problem is that he expresses them loudly so give him a place where he can be loud and his expression doesn't take over the airwaves. The others deserve to play and eat in a peaceful setting.

When he cries... give him a soft smile and say the words "you cry" then walk away and do what you do. Don't let him chase you down to force you to be close to his crying. He may need a play yard both inside and out to put in place boundaries of where he can cry away from the action. When he is done expressing himself he can rejoin the group until the next moment where he needs to cry loudly.

It aint personal. He's a toddler and he has a right to his little feelings. You don't have to DO anything but acknowledge them and give him privacy when his feelings are so loud that they affect you or his peers.

Nearly every kid I know would furiously cry if the end result was their own adult who they could control to the point where the adult couldn't even break gaze. He is just one who has actually pulled it off. Ya gotta give him props for that. He's good. Real good. He may run a small country some day!

[Rockgirl]

If you go about your day normally, and act like all is well, he will likely adjust in time. But I think we've all been at the point of breaking with a tough kid. Don't force yourself and the other kids to endure hours of screaming all day if you're there.

As far as terming, the parents may never see it your way. That's really their problem, not yours. If you make the decision to term, hand them the letter and stick to it.

[Heidi]

If you go about your day normally, and act like all is well, he will likely adjust in time. But I think we've all been at the point of breaking with a tough kid. Don't force yourself and the other kids to endure hours of screaming all day if you're there.

As far as terming, the parents may never see it your way. That's really their problem, not yours. If you make the decision to term, hand them the letter and stick to it.

The longer you draw it out, the more dramatic it will be. You are NOT expecting too much. They are.

GROUP care GROUP care GROUP care. Your job is to care for a GROUP of children, not one individual child.

[Josiegirl]

Was he in daycare before he came to you?
I couldn't do what you're doing. Maybe I'm getting too old and crotchety for this job but the stress from his crying would do me in.
They don't see the problem??

[cheerfuldom]

I would do what nan said. let him do his thing till he was all cried out. could take a few weeks so its up to you if you can handle that. I dont carry kids, hold for naps, etc. etc. So he would get absolutely none of that here. Dont even waste your time proving to the parent what he is doing because they will immediately go to the "you dont like my kid" thing. you could take some cell videos to use in case you feel the need to though. Of course he isnt doing this at home, he gets whatever he wants there so there is no reason to freak out.

[Laurel]

If the parents won't listen to you then you could give them an ultimatum.

It would go something like this. "Mom, Junior has not been adjusting to group care. I have tried everything I know but he is (list things like you did above). I am willing to try for 2 more weeks and if things don't improve, I will have no choice but to not watch him anymore. It would help a lot if you would try to do x, y and z at home. His crying is disrupting the rest of the group and we need a peaceful day. So sorry."

Laurel

[Shell]

The longer you draw it out, the more dramatic it will be. You are NOT expecting too much. They are.

GROUP care GROUP care GROUP care. Your job is to care for a GROUP of children, not one individual child.

exactly!

It does sound like he gets held/constant attention at home. She probably holds him for the duration of his naps, too. Definitely not something you can do in GROUP care.

I have two infants coming at the end of the year, and am crossing my fingers that they aren't like this. I have older siblings already here, and parents are great BUT it just seems like so many kids are totally catered to at home, and it's impossible to replicate with a group if kids.

Nan gives great advice for how to deal with the child, but if you've had enough, let them go.

Just tell dcm that perhaps baby is fantastic at home, but is having difficulty in your setting, and may do better elsewhere. I've made it about me before when clearly it's the parenting, just to get the family out the door- whatever it takes ::

[Hunni Bee]

Maybe its just the time of year or something? My 22 month old cries if:

*I go to the kitchen and not feed her
*I look at my phone
*I help her with something
*I don't help her
*I don't sing ABCs for a 26th time
*I sneeze
*Cucumbers

I just sit her somewhere soft and walk away. I can't.

[Heidi]

Maybe its just the time of year or something? My 22 month old cries if:

*I go to the kitchen and not feed her
*I look at my phone
*I help her with something
*I don't help her
*I don't sing ABCs for a 26th time
*I sneeze
*Cucumbers

I just sit her somewhere soft and walk away. I can't.

GOOD Mommy! :hug:

[NightOwl]

Maybe its just the time of year or something? My 22 month old cries if:

*I go to the kitchen and not feed her
*I look at my phone
*I help her with something
*I don't help her
*I don't sing ABCs for a 26th time
*I sneeze
*Cucumbers

I just sit her somewhere soft and walk away. I can't.

:: :: ::

[Unregistered]

He was previously watched with another infant about the same age by a "nanny" who did not have kids, or experience with setting kids up for sleep success. She would hold bounce and sooth babies to sleep every day. She was paid very well to screw them both up. They were paying a lot more for this damaging care than she does now with me. I'm just glad I only got 1 of the babies! I can't get him to break out from, but mom does it too. She doesn't understand this is unhealthy for him.

[Unregistered]

Update: I did what nannyde suggested and I think it might work. Making headway anyway. He finally fell asleep in the afternoon but it took a lot of crying. Im too soft of a heart, i felt bad, but i can't, foe his own good. Thank you all.