Conflicted

[Daycare_Mama]

I have a job opportunity outside the home that just came about and I'm so conflicted. I'm in the process of getting licensed right now (probably have another 6 months) so I only have one dcb right now. If I took the job AND paid for daycare for my daughter, I would still be making $1050 more per month than I am right now.

BUT once I get licensed later this year, I could make the same as the outside the home job if I took just 2 more kids. And way more if I took 3 or 4 more kids.

I'm conflicted. Almost every job I've had since I was 15 was with kids (babysitting, nanny, infant room teacher, now daycare) and because I often felt like I was raising someone else's child, it's SUPER hard for me to justify sending my daughter to spend the majority of her day with someone else. Let's face it, we see kids, in a day, more than their parents do and that would drive me CRAZY.

However, I paid a TON of money for my college degree and this job is in the exact field I always saw myself being in (before I had a child). It would be nice to not have my home in chaos and feel like I'm using my hard earned degree. Plus, I'm scared that if I want to get into the workforce in a few years, I will have been out of it for so long and have a hard time even getting a job. BUT (HUUUUUGE BUT), I want to cry at the thought of putting my own daughter in daycare. I don't know why. I'm sure I could find someone trustworthy, as obviously people have trusted me with their precious kids. I feel crazy for feeling like I can't put her in daycare when I do daycare! Parents have to put their kids in daycare ALL the time, why should I be any different? But I am good with kids and CAN do daycare (not everyone can).

I'm sure plenty of you have been faced with this dilemma. What made you swing one way or the other?

[SandeeAR]

Only you can decide which is more important....

That college degree/dipolma ( a piece of paper), or Your daughter and what and from whom she will be learning from the next few years........

[AnythingsPossible]

How old is your daughter??? Personally, I regret having started doing daycare when my kids were younger as I now feel stuck in doing it. While yes it is nice to be home when my kids get home from school, I sometimes wish I would have stuck with my college plans and went to work outside of the home. Some things to consider in your decision..what is the daycare situation in your area like?? Do you know of other providers with whom you would be comfortable leaving your daughter with? What would your work schedule be like? Once your daughter is in school, would there be somewhere for her to go after school, summers, what about when she is sick? Is the job you are considering family friendly that they would understand if you had to take time off for her illness. Will you be comfortable with her being home alone after school when she ages out of daycare? It is very hard to find somewhere for kids over 10 to go. You have to strongly consider what is important to your family. Make a list of your reasons for wanting to do daycare and your reasons for wanting to work outside of the home. Look at the future and take into consideration care for your daughter as she gets older. As far as getting a job later, I think the fact that you have a degree would be a bonus. Sorry, kind of rambled, but bottom line, you have to strongly consider your priorities as a family and go from there.

[Luna]

You have two wonderful opportunities here...1. Stay home with your daughter while making a living, or 2. Do a job you were planning for using your education and skills, keeping home and work separate.
Think of yourself 5 years from now. Since you can't do both, which opportunity will you regret having passed up?
HTH & good luck with whatever you decide.

[Daycare_Mama]

My daughter just turned 2, so a couple more years before she would be in school all day.

I know of one provider in the area that I would completely trust, but she doesn't have any openings. So, I'd be starting from scratch in finding child care.

The job would be family friendly and my mom has a very lenient work schedule if my daughter was sick or anything came up with daycare, so I'm not worried about that. And I'm not worried about after school care in a few years because my mom gets done with work early enough that she could take care of her after school.

Bottom line, I'm getting licensed for daycare because I want to be home with my daughter. I know most parents feel this way, but nobody can take care of your child and teach them better than yourself. You find a daycare provider that you trust, but no one is better than you. I want that for her, but I also want my life too. I do want an identity outside of my children and I want my daughter to see that I worked hard to get a degree and get a job.

I also think back on my own life. I was in daycare when I was a child and I don't think my relationship with my parents was any less because of it. Honestly, I don't really remember much about being in daycare, good or bad. My mom and I are very close and I'm sure my daughter and I will be regardless of whether I stay home with her or send her to daycare.

So, I don't know. I've made lists; they each have their pluses and minuses.

In a way, I feel like it's kind of selfish on my part staying home. I cherish the time I have with her at home and love being a part of the new things she sees and does each day. But, truth is, 15 years from now, she won't remember or care that mommy stayed home with her when she was 2.

Ugh, still confused. Just seeing what others have done in this situation.

[legomom922]

Sometimes, life happens..Things change, plans change..I worked PT nights making $30,000/yr when my DS was born, and was very involved with his school, field trips, etc.

I now still have regrets that I didn't do enough. I quit my $30,000/yr PT job to stay home with my family, even though he was then 12..I was able to still be home to take him places in the summer, go to school activities & field trips, pick up from school because the late bus takes sooo long to get home (1 hr) and now he is 14, and I'm still doing the same things. It was nice to be on vacation Christmas break week to do stuff with him, bowling, out to lunch, etc.

To me, moments with my kids are more important than $$. Jobs will always be around, but my kids are growing up and my time with them is running out.

So think about what you may regret down the road, and let your heart lead you.

[AnythingsPossible]

Funny story. Some of my daughters fondest memories from being little where when I closed because I had appt's I had to take care of and she got to go to a different daycare!! She thought that was great. Of course she is a little oddball, so I don't think that's probably typical! Maybe I'm just no fun to be around Legomom's post made me think about something. Will you have freedom to attend your daughters school functions if you do your daycare? My numbers don't allow me to be a part of anything at my children's school's unless I close. They still need to ride the bus, I don't make it to class parties or programs during the day. That is a choice I made however in the fact of the amount of children I take and that I prefer not to transport children. I just don't like the liability of it. Good luck with your decision. It certainly isn't an easy one, and chances are no matter what choice you make, you'll probably always wonder if it was the right one.

[laundrymom]

But, truth is, 15 years from now, she won't remember or care that mommy stayed home with her when she was 2.

.

disagree,.. totally, while she wont remember being with you every day, the first 5 years are the most important formative years in a childs life as to the final outcome of the adult you raise.

think of this,.. the next few years spent doing something you love, that you feel is important, and that will make a huge impact not only on your child, but yourself deep in your heart.

Or go out and follow the job aspect, knowing each day when you drop her off that she is spending that time with someone else.

neither is better, neither is right,... both are possible,.. both will still produce a healthy happy child and a healthy happy mom,.. but which is more important to you? forming her,.... and taking the chance that there will be other jobs,.. or letting someone else form her and taking this one?

just remember, you WILL get a do over in the job,.. kids are only young once.... =-) Good luck,... I do not envy your decision.

[boysx5]

for me it was easy I knew I wanted a big family and could never afford to work outside the home and pay daycare #1 and since I loved kids and wanted a big family I wanted to be the one to raise them. I did get my big family I have five sons and while when they were younger doing daycare was alot harder I'm glad I have stuck with for 15 years my boys are all now in school and I'm still here for them when they get home or if they get sick down the road I may choose something else but I love what I do and the extra money is a big help to my family

[Daycare_Mama]

These are all helpful points.

About the thinking ahead to 5 years, I'm sure I will never regret staying home with my daughter. I just wouldn't.

But it's too hard to say if I'd regret not taking a job in the career I wanted. If 5 years from now comes and I can't find a job, who knows, I might kick myself for not taking this job now.

I agree, my kids are WAY more important than $$, but I also need to support them. Thus, daycare. I can make good money doing daycare. And if I knew that I can do daycare for the next 5 years or so and make good money AND be with my daughter, that's easy.

But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried that I won't find a job when I do want to go "back to" work. I say back to with quotes because I've never had a "real" job. I got pregnant the last semester of my Bachelor's degree, graduated, and have stayed home since my daughter came home from the hospital. I tried to get a job for a while, but couldn't find anything, so then started the daycare process. I've never had a job in my field and I'm worried that "Daycare Provider for 7 years" 7 years from now won't help me get a job doing what I want to do. I've heard of quite a few providers who only intended to do daycare until their kids got to school and they are still doing it 25 years later. I'm not so sure I want that to be my life. Not saying there's anything wrong with it and I love what I do since my kids are a part of it, but if I didn't have young kids, daycare would not even make the list of jobs I would want to pursue.

[Daycare_Mama]

disagree,.. totally, while she wont remember being with you every day, the first 5 years are the most important formative years in a childs life as to the final outcome of the adult you raise.

think of this,.. the next few years spent doing something you love, that you feel is important, and that will make a huge impact not only on your child, but yourself deep in your heart.

Or go out and follow the job aspect, knowing each day when you drop her off that she is spending that time with someone else.

neither is better, neither is right,... both are possible,.. both will still produce a healthy happy child and a healthy happy mom,.. but which is more important to you? forming her,.... and taking the chance that there will be other jobs,.. or letting someone else form her and taking this one?

just remember, you WILL get a do over in the job,.. kids are only young once.... =-) Good luck,... I do not envy your decision.

This makes me want to cry, ! I know, in my heart, I want to be with her. Not everyone is capable of taking care of a lot of kids, and I know I am. I just feel like this is an opportunity I would have KILLED for 3 years ago and it's now dangling in my face, and I feel like an idiot passing it up. Especially if it might help me get ahead in my field and make a better life for my family down the line.

But you are right, they are only young once. Maybe if I write down something each day that happened or she said that I wouldn't have seen/heard had I been at work, that will help me feel better.

[Live and Learn]

I could never have put my own kids in daycare...........
you will have to make this decision for yourself though.
I am way over educated to be doing daycare for a living :: but it suits my temperament and it suits my own children's schedules too!
I am fortunate that my hubby is still self employed in the field I am trained for so I can join him when I want to.
I was blessed with the opportunity to stay home with my kids from birth through first grade. I didn't start doing daycare until my youngest twins were in school all day.
I am sure this is a difficult decision for you.
Good luck!

[Daycare_Mama]

Funny story. Some of my daughters fondest memories from being little where when I closed because I had appt's I had to take care of and she got to go to a different daycare!! She thought that was great. Of course she is a little oddball, so I don't think that's probably typical! Maybe I'm just no fun to be around Legomom's post made me think about something. Will you have freedom to attend your daughters school functions if you do your daycare? My numbers don't allow me to be a part of anything at my children's school's unless I close. They still need to ride the bus, I don't make it to class parties or programs during the day. That is a choice I made however in the fact of the amount of children I take and that I prefer not to transport children. I just don't like the liability of it. Good luck with your decision. It certainly isn't an easy one, and chances are no matter what choice you make, you'll probably always wonder if it was the right one.

I would be able to attend most school functions if I wanted to, but that's a good point. My mom has a super flexible work schedule, so she could always come do daycare for me while I went to a school thing. More important to me than the school things during the day though, would be being home after school. I went home by myself once I was in 3rd grade and there are some days it would have been nice to have my mom home before 5:30 when everything got busy with dinner, homework, etc.

[Daycare_Mama]

I could never have put my own kids in daycare...........
you will have to make this decision for yourself though.
I am way over educated to be doing daycare for a living ::
Good luck!

These are my 2 biggest conflicts.

1. It bugs me that I didn't need a degree to do daycare, if this is what I'm going to be doing for the long haul. So I had to laugh at your "I am way over educated to be doing daycare" ::

2. Putting my own kids in daycare does not sit well with me.

What is up with that? Why is it so hard for someone who does daycare to put their own kids in daycare?

Just because we see how much parents miss? I don't know, but the thought of it is unbearable to me!

[laundrymom]

This makes me want to cry, ! I know, in my heart, I want to be with her. Not everyone is capable of taking care of a lot of kids, and I know I am. I just feel like this is an opportunity I would have KILLED for 3 years ago and it's now dangling in my face, and I feel like an idiot passing it up. Especially if it might help me get ahead in my field and make a better life for my family down the line.

But you are right, they are only young once. Maybe if I write down something each day that happened or she said that I wouldn't have seen/heard had I been at work, that will help me feel better.

I didnt aim to make you cry,...
I can tell you, I did this before I had kids,.. Ive done it every year since as well. I started 22 years ago. My son is now in college, he brings his friends over and lays on the floor with the daycare kids crawling over him saying, play with me Bubby,.. Play with me bubby,...
my 17 yr old and her boyfriend hang out here all the time, they play games with the kids, her favorite thing is coloring and drawing, his is baking,...
my 12 yr old thinks its cool that Im here when she gets home, she has a live in audience for her trumpet,.. they always tell her she is amazing,... my 9 yr old is the same with her guitar and uke. I have to make them STOP playing with the babies to get their homework done. .

I have no doubt I may have had a more traditional career if I had chosen not to be in ece. I have no doubt I could have made more money. Lived in a cleaner home, had more lenient hours and benefits. But my life pretty much rocks. I pull in a higher than average income for my area. I benefit from tax breaks, time spent with my kids, my dog, (yes that is important to me) , my husband,.. I wouldnt change the last 22 years for anything.,..... it is definately worth it to me. I see myself doing this until I turn 65, which is still a long way off. =-)