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Help with New Family
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On May 22, 2015, at 11:56 AM, Frozen Sakura <frozensakura02@yahoo.com> wrote:
Good morning everyone. I’m hoping someone might be able to help me.
I have 4 kids in my home daycare. A 10 month old (my daughter), a 2 and a half year old (32 months), an almost 3 year old, a 3 year old (my son) that I care for now. My son is delayed in development. His speech is around the 18 month mark and his physical development is at around 24 months. He is seeing a doctor for his hearing and for his eyes. We have a speech therapist (been seeing since he was 2 years old) that comes on Thursdays and a Physical therapist (that we’ve been seeing since he was 6 months) that comes on Tuesdays to help work with him in the home.
What I need help with is the two DCGs that just started. One little girl is 28 (almost 29) months and started back on April 6th and the other is 13 months old and started on May 14th. They are sisters and Mom seemed nice and down to earth for a DCM during the interview, the two girls also seemed nice, though mom held little sister for the whole time and older sister played in the front yard by herself. DCM made sure that they weren’t around long and insisted on taking my handbook home to read over instead of going over it with me during the interview.
So the 28 month old DCG (I’ll call her DCG1 from now on and sister, the 13 month old DCG2) started care and I knew something was not right when DCM dropped her off. DCG1 started screaming and throwing herself around and kicking and hitting anyone that would come within range as DCM was dropping her off and was leaving. DCM kept telling me, as she was heading out the door, that DCG1 doesn’t usually do this. DCM dropped off and was gone in less then 5 minutes.
DCG1 seems pretty delayed. She doesn’t seem to have any words, except for what you’d expect from a young infant (my 10 month old has more vocabulary from what I’ve heard) and she doesn’t seem to be able to follow basic one step instructions.
Anything along the lines of “DCG1 please don’t hit-†“Oh, DCG1 lets not push over the toy bins, if you want to poor here’s the bucket of blocks.“ would result in a full blown tantrum. Which leads to self harm or trying to harm others. My son’s speech therapist and also his physical therapist have both commented and gave me some booklets to give to mom. DCG1 also eats rocks, dirt, leaves, and grass when outside. I have spent most of my time trying to redirect her from doing these things, but its just one big circle of me chasing her around the yard and her having fits.
I haven’t given the booklets to the DCM yet as I'm afraid what will happen, but have been asking questions that will help build up to it. I’ve asked DCM about DCG1’s speech and ability to follow basic one step direction, and she told me that at home she speaks in full sentences and listens very well and cleans up her own toys at home when asked. Anytime I speak (time for lunch!
or time to come inside or please put that toy here) to DCG1 it is either ignored or results in a tantrum. It feels like I’m seeing one child at daycare and there’s this completely different child at home… Is it even possible for there to be that much of a difference between daycare and home?
Ok, on to DCG2. This little girl started on May 14th and mom told me that she was a cuddly and sweet girl that played good, but had never been in a daycare. That if she had trouble her sister (DCG1) would help if I asked. The only people that had ever watched DCG2 (who 13 months old) where her two sets of grandparents. I was like, ok no problem, the first day or two should be rough, but after that it should start to improve.
The 14th was a Thursday and all she did was cry for the 6 hours she was here. She took two naps for about 15-20 minutes each and then continued to cry some more. She cried herself to sleep both times. I thought, ok no problem (except that none of the other children could nap because of her crying…), she’s never been here before, never been away from family. At pick up I told mom and she asked “Didn’t her sister help?†to which I replied “No…†she followed up with “huh, that’s odd. Usually DCG1 will take care of her sister… and its odd that DCG2 would cry all day… Try packing her around some, that should help.†I bit my tongue on the fact that I tried that...
So Friday they get dropped off at 9:30am. As soon as mom puts DCG2 down she starts crying and mom again tells me “that DCG2 usually doesn’t do this…†and gets out the door as fast as she can. The day passes and I’ve tried everything, including packing her, and that only helps for about 10-20 minutes (as long as I continue to hold her) and then she starts crying again. I discovered that holding her and packing her around is the only way to sooth her. At pick up I tell mom this and ask is there ANYTHING else, any other soother, that I can do, and DCM tells me that “No, not really.†And goes on to tell me that I’m the only one DCG2 does this with and gets her kids out the door and gone.
Wednesday this week rolls around, and after a long talk with my husband over the weekend, I sit down and talk to mom about DCG2 and her crying. I tell DCM that I’d like to come up with a time frame that DCG2 can cry for before I call to have her come pick her up. That I cant pack DCG2 around for the whole time that she’s here because its not fair to the other children, that it's also not fair or healthy to DCG2 and the other kids that she cries for the 6-7 hours that she’s here for. DCM wound up leaving a little frustrated with both girls.
I didn’t think I’d see them again honestly. But Thursday DCM shows up at 10:30 and drops off both girls, telling me to call grandma if DCG2 continues to cry for more then two hours. Two hours later and DCG2 is still crying so I call grandma. Grandma comes and picks up both girls, seemingly a little tired, and telling me that “DCG2 does this with everyone except with mom.†I respond with “Oh… that’s not what mom told me.†And grandma says “Yeah, she’s very attached to mom, she cries all day until mom gets off work. She still sleeps in bed with mom and dad, gets packed around, and breastfeeds 24/7. The only time she gets bottles is here and with us grandparents.â€
Today (Friday) only DCG1 got dropped off. DCM wants to come Tuesday next week (outside their Wednesday, Thursday, Friday schedule) and spend a few hours with DCG2 here. I’m pretty sure DCG1 will also tag along, for me to watch, free of charge…
I just don’t know what to do. Is this normal? What would you do?? All this and DCM is talking about potty training DCG1 in the next few weeks and I don’t believe she’s anyhere close to being ready… Please help...
On May 22, 2015, at 11:56 AM, Frozen Sakura <frozensakura02@yahoo.com> wrote:
Good morning everyone. I’m hoping someone might be able to help me.
I have 4 kids in my home daycare. A 10 month old (my daughter), a 2 and a half year old (32 months), an almost 3 year old, a 3 year old (my son) that I care for now. My son is delayed in development. His speech is around the 18 month mark and his physical development is at around 24 months. He is seeing a doctor for his hearing and for his eyes. We have a speech therapist (been seeing since he was 2 years old) that comes on Thursdays and a Physical therapist (that we’ve been seeing since he was 6 months) that comes on Tuesdays to help work with him in the home.
What I need help with is the two DCGs that just started. One little girl is 28 (almost 29) months and started back on April 6th and the other is 13 months old and started on May 14th. They are sisters and Mom seemed nice and down to earth for a DCM during the interview, the two girls also seemed nice, though mom held little sister for the whole time and older sister played in the front yard by herself. DCM made sure that they weren’t around long and insisted on taking my handbook home to read over instead of going over it with me during the interview.
So the 28 month old DCG (I’ll call her DCG1 from now on and sister, the 13 month old DCG2) started care and I knew something was not right when DCM dropped her off. DCG1 started screaming and throwing herself around and kicking and hitting anyone that would come within range as DCM was dropping her off and was leaving. DCM kept telling me, as she was heading out the door, that DCG1 doesn’t usually do this. DCM dropped off and was gone in less then 5 minutes.
DCG1 seems pretty delayed. She doesn’t seem to have any words, except for what you’d expect from a young infant (my 10 month old has more vocabulary from what I’ve heard) and she doesn’t seem to be able to follow basic one step instructions.
Anything along the lines of “DCG1 please don’t hit-†“Oh, DCG1 lets not push over the toy bins, if you want to poor here’s the bucket of blocks.“ would result in a full blown tantrum. Which leads to self harm or trying to harm others. My son’s speech therapist and also his physical therapist have both commented and gave me some booklets to give to mom. DCG1 also eats rocks, dirt, leaves, and grass when outside. I have spent most of my time trying to redirect her from doing these things, but its just one big circle of me chasing her around the yard and her having fits.
I haven’t given the booklets to the DCM yet as I'm afraid what will happen, but have been asking questions that will help build up to it. I’ve asked DCM about DCG1’s speech and ability to follow basic one step direction, and she told me that at home she speaks in full sentences and listens very well and cleans up her own toys at home when asked. Anytime I speak (time for lunch!
or time to come inside or please put that toy here) to DCG1 it is either ignored or results in a tantrum. It feels like I’m seeing one child at daycare and there’s this completely different child at home… Is it even possible for there to be that much of a difference between daycare and home?Ok, on to DCG2. This little girl started on May 14th and mom told me that she was a cuddly and sweet girl that played good, but had never been in a daycare. That if she had trouble her sister (DCG1) would help if I asked. The only people that had ever watched DCG2 (who 13 months old) where her two sets of grandparents. I was like, ok no problem, the first day or two should be rough, but after that it should start to improve.
The 14th was a Thursday and all she did was cry for the 6 hours she was here. She took two naps for about 15-20 minutes each and then continued to cry some more. She cried herself to sleep both times. I thought, ok no problem (except that none of the other children could nap because of her crying…), she’s never been here before, never been away from family. At pick up I told mom and she asked “Didn’t her sister help?†to which I replied “No…†she followed up with “huh, that’s odd. Usually DCG1 will take care of her sister… and its odd that DCG2 would cry all day… Try packing her around some, that should help.†I bit my tongue on the fact that I tried that...
So Friday they get dropped off at 9:30am. As soon as mom puts DCG2 down she starts crying and mom again tells me “that DCG2 usually doesn’t do this…†and gets out the door as fast as she can. The day passes and I’ve tried everything, including packing her, and that only helps for about 10-20 minutes (as long as I continue to hold her) and then she starts crying again. I discovered that holding her and packing her around is the only way to sooth her. At pick up I tell mom this and ask is there ANYTHING else, any other soother, that I can do, and DCM tells me that “No, not really.†And goes on to tell me that I’m the only one DCG2 does this with and gets her kids out the door and gone.
Wednesday this week rolls around, and after a long talk with my husband over the weekend, I sit down and talk to mom about DCG2 and her crying. I tell DCM that I’d like to come up with a time frame that DCG2 can cry for before I call to have her come pick her up. That I cant pack DCG2 around for the whole time that she’s here because its not fair to the other children, that it's also not fair or healthy to DCG2 and the other kids that she cries for the 6-7 hours that she’s here for. DCM wound up leaving a little frustrated with both girls.
I didn’t think I’d see them again honestly. But Thursday DCM shows up at 10:30 and drops off both girls, telling me to call grandma if DCG2 continues to cry for more then two hours. Two hours later and DCG2 is still crying so I call grandma. Grandma comes and picks up both girls, seemingly a little tired, and telling me that “DCG2 does this with everyone except with mom.†I respond with “Oh… that’s not what mom told me.†And grandma says “Yeah, she’s very attached to mom, she cries all day until mom gets off work. She still sleeps in bed with mom and dad, gets packed around, and breastfeeds 24/7. The only time she gets bottles is here and with us grandparents.â€
Today (Friday) only DCG1 got dropped off. DCM wants to come Tuesday next week (outside their Wednesday, Thursday, Friday schedule) and spend a few hours with DCG2 here. I’m pretty sure DCG1 will also tag along, for me to watch, free of charge…
I just don’t know what to do. Is this normal? What would you do?? All this and DCM is talking about potty training DCG1 in the next few weeks and I don’t believe she’s anyhere close to being ready… Please help...
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