3 1/2 Year Old Runs Away For "Fun" Or To Just Not Follow Direction

[Unregistered]

Hi There,
I have a 3 1/2 year old who will either run away when we are on field trips/back yard/park for "Fun" and laugh! or my favorite doesn't want to leave the park or backyard. He will get the 10, 5, 2 and 1 minute warning for transitioning ect and yet he still refuses to leave. All the other kids are standing and waiting for him I tell him he can either walk to the fence/stroller or gate or I will come get him. The little person NEVER comes..and when i go get him he screams bloody murder the entire way back. I have to leave the other "well behaved" children and it is simply just annoying now. His parents will say nothing when I mention at pick up (or pick him up and hug him is my favorite response/reaction), or say yes he does that sometimes or simply refuse to appreciate what this means to the other kids safety or my patience.

Suggestions on what others would do in this circumstance please. He is an older brother to a baby I have here and from what interactions I see here this boy RULES the ROOST at home and also tries to do it here. I love this little person but is very trying on my patience these days!

[Thriftylady]

Hi There,
I have a 3 1/2 year old who will either run away when we are on field trips/back yard/park for "Fun" and laugh! or my favorite doesn't want to leave the park or backyard. He will get the 10, 5, 2 and 1 minute warning for transitioning ect and yet he still refuses to leave. All the other kids are standing and waiting for him I tell him he can either walk to the fence/stroller or gate or I will come get him. The little person NEVER comes..and when i go get him he screams bloody murder the entire way back. I have to leave the other "well behaved" children and it is simply just annoying now. His parents will say nothing when I mention at pick up (or pick him up and hug him is my favorite response/reaction), or say yes he does that sometimes or simply refuse to appreciate what this means to the other kids safety or my patience.

Suggestions on what others would do in this circumstance please. He is an older brother to a baby I have here and from what interactions I see here this boy RULES the ROOST at home and also tries to do it here. I love this little person but is very trying on my patience these days!

Well the way I see this during trips, it can be a danger to have to deal with this one child and take your attention from the others. I might be inclined based on what you posted to let the parents know that if the behavior does not change, he will not be allowed to come on days you leave the daycare due to safety reasons. Let them know they HAVE to help you or it will not get better and by help I mean they have to change their ways at home. Be sure to remind them you have to maintain safety of all the children not just this one.

[Blackcat31]

Well the way I see this during trips, it can be a danger to have to deal with this one child and take your attention from the others. I might be inclined based on what you posted to let the parents know that if the behavior does not change, he will not be allowed to come on days you leave the daycare due to safety reasons. Let them know they HAVE to help you or it will not get better and by help I mean they have to change their ways at home. Be sure to remind them you have to maintain safety of all the children not just this one.

. At 3.5 yrs old that is not acceptable behavior at all and at that age should know better.

Id put him on probation and call patents for pick up after each field trip tjat he runs off. If there is no change in 30 days Id term. Way too much of a libility for you.

Otherwise, your only option is to stay home where he cant run off.

[kendallina]

Have you asked the parents what they do to get him to leave places? It sounds like they are rewarding him for leaving places (if you leave now, you can have a treat at home...) or they are telling him it's time to leave and then staying longer because he's having a fit. I would ask them about this. What do they do when they need to leave the park? Whatever it is, they need to stop. They need to practice leaving places with him. It's sooo much liability for you to have to deal with this when you have other kids, I'd be scared to go anywhere. I wouldn't hesitate to give notice if they're not willing to work on this.

[Angelsj]

I would keep the child arms reach at all times. Holding my hand when away and being the first to line up where he is supposed to be at back yard time. No warning. Time to go now, he needs to come. If not, go get him. I might even be inclined to let the "listening kids" play a bit longer.
He also needs practice. I would be calling him to me dozens of times a day. If he doesn't arrive immediately, consequence. If he does, reward. (A simple, good job buddy! is a great reward)
He can learn that he does not rule the roost at your house.

[Unregistered]

thanks!

I have seen the parents give him as much time as he wants to leave the park, or my daycare and have seen/heard them offer him treats when he gets home. I find it so frustrating. It is not far to assume everyone will wait around for HIM to leave the park, field trip or backyard when he is ready. I just needed to hear that I am not wrong for feeling frustrated or expecting too much from him.

I have mentioned to the parents that this is not appropriate behavior. It just doesn't seem to matter to them. They are either afraid of a) a freak out reaction by him b) doesn't want him being "upset" c) "him not having a voice."

[AmyKidsCo]

. At 3.5 yrs old that is not acceptable behavior at all and at that age should know better.

Id put him on probation and call patents for pick up after each field trip tjat he runs off. If there is no change in 30 days Id term. Way too much of a libility for you.

Otherwise, your only option is to stay home where he cant run off.

I wouldn't give him another opportunity. Since it's a safety issue for the child and the other children, I'd offer the parents the option of coming along to chaperone their child or dropping the child off after the field trip.

[Unregistered]

Yes I had parent join me on field trip once. It was an absolute nightmare. Child ran all over the place and all the other kids watched and then began to think they could too. Parent just kept calling or walking over to get him and never set boundaries. I kept repeating to everyone to stay together. I also mentioned to parent that we would go home if this kept up. It was the most stressful and unhappy field trip I have ever done. I have been running a daycare for 8 years and I can say I will never invite or encourage parent(s) to this little person to join us again. It was that bad. It is brutal though as this behavior happens when we go play in backyard too. So it is a daily (twice a day outside) activity of annoying and bad behavior. Won't get shoes on, sunblock, hat ect when everyone else does ect....won't leave backyard when everyone else does ect...generally this boy RULES his world and expects everyone else to comply. Unfortunately his parents do!

[Bookworm]

I encourage my parents to join us on field trips. It's a great way for me to observe their parenting first hand. Before we take our first field trip for the year, we meet with the parents and explain the rules. All parents are welcome but if their presence causes their child to disrupt the FT, we don't ask them to go again. Surprisingly, every single parent agreed. Nobody wants to be known as "The Parent with that Kid on the Field Trip". Also if a child misbehaves to the point where I have to call while on the field trip, they can't go on the next. This has happened only one time. That being said, I agree that either the parents work to get a handle on his behavior (I don't think they will though) or he can't go on field trips. If they give you lip service by agreeing with you but not following through, I would term. Like the others said, this is a serious safety issue and the other children shouldn't be punished for his behavior.

[Heidi]

Yes I had parent join me on field trip once. It was an absolute nightmare. Child ran all over the place and all the other kids watched and then began to think they could too. Parent just kept calling or walking over to get him and never set boundaries. I kept repeating to everyone to stay together. I also mentioned to parent that we would go home if this kept up. It was the most stressful and unhappy field trip I have ever done. I have been running a daycare for 8 years and I can say I will never invite or encourage parent(s) to this little person to join us again. It was that bad. It is brutal though as this behavior happens when we go play in backyard too. So it is a daily (twice a day outside) activity of annoying and bad behavior. Won't get shoes on, sunblock, hat ect when everyone else does ect....won't leave backyard when everyone else does ect...generally this boy RULES his world and expects everyone else to comply. Unfortunately his parents do!

Field trips:

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I have them for my toddlers/2's, and they love them. It's not presented as a punishment, just a matter-of-fact thing. It's to keep him safe.

[childcaremom]

Hi There,
I have a 3 1/2 year old who will either run away when we are on field trips/back yard/park for "Fun" and laugh! or my favorite doesn't want to leave the park or backyard. He will get the 10, 5, 2 and 1 minute warning for transitioning ect and yet he still refuses to leave. All the other kids are standing and waiting for him I tell him he can either walk to the fence/stroller or gate or I will come get him. The little person NEVER comes..and when i go get him he screams bloody murder the entire way back. I have to leave the other "well behaved" children and it is simply just annoying now. His parents will say nothing when I mention at pick up (or pick him up and hug him is my favorite response/reaction), or say yes he does that sometimes or simply refuse to appreciate what this means to the other kids safety or my patience.

Suggestions on what others would do in this circumstance please. He is an older brother to a baby I have here and from what interactions I see here this boy RULES the ROOST at home and also tries to do it here. I love this little person but is very trying on my patience these days!

I had this child. The one in my care would not listen to me period. Everything was a game. Run from me at snack, at diaper changes, at naptime (he would get off his cot and run away the entire nap period), outside, when I called him.

I would be wary about taking a child like that anywhere. What if he did take off and you couldn't get him to come back? What about the other children who are standing there waiting for this child to be 'caught'? I agree with above, he is a liability.

What if, when you were off property at the park, for instance, he had to stay at your side. Explain to him that if he listens to you today, he can play on the climber tomorrow, or something like that. Gradually increase his playzone if he listens, and if he doesn't, make it smaller.

Start with practicing in the yard. You call, he comes.

I would also have a chat with parents and explain that the behaviour is unacceptable and a liability.

Good luck!