What Is Up With Breastfeeding DCMs Not Getting Their Baby Used To A Bottle?

[Thriftylady]

Ok, my computer messed up and sent my message mid type and all garbled. Sorry bout that.

So here's my second attempt. If mom stops breastfeeding for whatever reason (milk dries up, doesn't want to do it anymore). Someone is going to have to introduce the bottle, be it mom or caregiver. It's always difficult to transition a baby from breast to bottle. Baby will most likely always fight the change and refuse for a time. What difference does it make whether they refuse bottle from mom or from caregiver? The difference is rudeness on moms part because she is putting that difficult heart wrenching situation onto the caregiver who has only two hands and likely many other children to care for at the same time.

I've not heard of a case where a child goes from breast to bottle and starved after repeated efforts to introduce the bottle. But then again, I've never researched it. Maybe there is.

My question is this. Is the mom abusive because she stopped breastfeeding and her baby is not taking the bottle? Is that abuse? When the caregiver hands the baby to mom and mom still has a problem getting baby to eat. Is that abuse? When does it become abuse?

Added: Ok I think I read some of the responses wrong. No one was saying it was abusive. So oops.

I guess that's why I think it is a matter of being inconsiderate to your child care provider because I don't understand the "abuse" part of what people are saying.

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not judging the responses. I've just not been in the childcare business for very long and don't know all the ins and out of it. Is there something that says this is abuse?

Yes she is being abusive. From what I remember (although I didn't breastfeed due to personal issues), all parents that do are taught that the baby needs to learn the bottle, even if dad does one feeding a day. Parents are TOLD this may become an issue. They are told that for reasons. What if BFing does not work like you mentioned? The baby still needs fed no matter what and a mother shouldn't set up the situation where baby can't be fed. It doesn't matter why baby can't be fed, what matters is baby is hungry, and it is an easy problem to fix.

[hope]

As a parent dcm should consider the what ifs. What if there is an emergency that would keep the child in care where she could not get to her. What if dcm had an accident and ended up in the hospital? What if dcm needs to take a medication that could potentially harm the baby. Maybe I worry too much but i would like a back up plan.

[mduck]

Ok, I'm still not seeing the abuse part, but I DO understand that things happen and its better to plan ahead.

And I put my post edit (Added) part in the wrong place so sorry bout that.

[Thriftylady]

Ok, I'm still not seeing the abuse part, but I DO understand that things happen and its better to plan ahead.

And I put my post edit (Added) part in the wrong place so sorry bout that.

So are you saying it is okay to intentionally not feed a child????

[finsup]

Yes she is being abusive. From what I remember (although I didn't breastfeed due to personal issues), all parents that do are taught that the baby needs to learn the bottle, even if dad does one feeding a day. Parents are TOLD this may become an issue. They are told that for reasons. What if BFing does not work like you mentioned? The baby still needs fed no matter what and a mother shouldn't set up the situation where baby can't be fed. It doesn't matter why baby can't be fed, what matters is baby is hungry, and it is an easy problem to fix.

Neither of my children ever took a bottle and I was 100% not abusing them by doing that. Pumping does not work for me, it just doesn't. Thankfully, I am home with my kids so it wasn't an issue. If I had to send them to daycare, then absolutly I would have introduced the bottle/formula. If breastfeeding didn't work, we would have handled it then. A bottle would have been an adjustment but not an impossible thing to introduce. At 6 months they both took sippy cups just fine.
Parents who send their kids to daycare not being able to take a bottle are annoying/difficult etc but no, they're not abusive. You just call them to get their child so they can be fed. If they refused or you refused to call them, then there would be a bigger problem.

[mduck]

No, I am not saying that intentionally not feeding your child is not abusive.

Providing a bottle with milk and asking someone to try and feed your child or trying to do so yourself is NOT intentionally not feeding your child. Big difference in IMHO.

Intentionally not feeding your child is not trying to feed your child at all.

We will probably not agree on this it seems, but I do respect your seniority in childcare abilities and experience. Calling it abuse is just something that I don't understand.

[Blackcat31]

Yes she is being abusive. From what I remember (although I didn't breastfeed due to personal issues), all parents that do are taught that the baby needs to learn the bottle, even if dad does one feeding a day. Parents are TOLD this may become an issue. They are told that for reasons. What if BFing does not work like you mentioned? The baby still needs fed no matter what and a mother shouldn't set up the situation where baby can't be fed. It doesn't matter why baby can't be fed, what matters is baby is hungry, and it is an easy problem to fix.

I disagree. The mother is not being abusive or neglectful if she does not nipple train her child.

The mother is somewhat neglectful if she drops her baby off at daycare KNOWING the baby cannot feed via nipple. That is unfair to the caregiver but it is not abusive. Like I said, I think its a bit neglectful but not something reportable....kwim?

HOWEVER, the liability falls onto the provider if she/he keeps the infant in care KNOWING the child is not eating after a certain period of time.

For example, my handbook states that I will NOT keep a baby more than 3 hours if I am unable to feed them. The parent will be called for pick up so the baby can be nursed.

I require parents to nipple train their baby before bringing them to care but I have had experiences where the baby was not so good at it at home but adjusted just fine here with me doing most the work, although the easy trainers aren't really work...just that I am the one who primarily does the bottle feeding.

It is the PROVIDER who bears the responsibility in this situation to either make sure the child IS nipple trained before accepting them into care OR to call for pick up after the baby misses a meal and becomes distressed.

This is like asthma. Lets say a parent tells a provider upon drop off the Billy doesn't have his inhaler (mom forgot it). Billy stays at daycare and has an asthma attack and dies.

Guess WHO'S fault it is? Not mom's for forgetting....but the provider for accepting a child into care KNOWING he does not have the tools/items/skills he needs to survive.

This is why Nan is smart and not only requires parents to nipple train but she requires them to SHOW her. NOT tell her but demonstrate it.

IF you have that rule, then you need to back it up and set a time limit. Keep baby for x number of hours before calling for mom to pick up and nurse. The baby cannot go all day without eating. That IS neglectful on the PROVIDERS part. Mom can't feed if she isn't there.

This is one of those situations where there needs to be a plan (a COMPLETE plan) in place so that the baby does not go hungry. It has nothing to do with anything other than the ADULT caregiver in charge making sure she/he provides each child in her care (that she/he agreed to provide care for) has what they need to thrive.

[Blackcat31]

Parents who send their kids to daycare not being able to take a bottle are annoying/difficult etc but no, they're not abusive. You just call them to get their child so they can be fed. If they refused or you refused to call them, then there would be a bigger problem.

[Thriftylady]

I disagree. The mother is not being abusive or neglectful if she does not nipple train her child.

The mother is somewhat neglectful if she drops her baby off at daycare KNOWING the baby cannot feed via nipple. That is unfair to the caregiver but it is not abusive. Like I said, I think its a bit neglectful but not something reportable....kwim?

HOWEVER, the liability falls onto the provider if she/he keeps the infant in care KNOWING the child is not eating after a certain period of time.

For example, my handbook states that I will NOT keep a baby more than 3 hours if I am unable to feed them. The parent will be called for pick up so the baby can be nursed.

I require parents to nipple train their baby before bringing them to care but I have had experiences where the baby was not so good at it at home but adjusted just fine here with me doing most the work, although the easy trainers aren't really work...just that I am the one who primarily does the bottle feeding.

It is the PROVIDER who bears the responsibility in this situation to either make sure the child IS nipple trained before accepting them into care OR to call for pick up after the baby misses a meal and becomes distressed.

This is like asthma. Lets say a parent tells a provider upon drop off the Billy doesn't have his inhaler (mom forgot it). Billy stays at daycare and has an asthma attack and dies.

Guess WHO'S fault it is? Not mom's for forgetting....but the provider for accepting a child into care KNOWING he does not have the tools/items/skills he needs to survive.

This is why Nan is smart and not only requires parents to nipple train but she requires them to SHOW her. NOT tell her but demonstrate it.

IF you have that rule, then you need to back it up and set a time limit. Keep baby for x number of hours before calling for mom to pick up and nurse. The baby cannot go all day without eating. That IS neglectful on the PROVIDERS part. Mom can't feed if she isn't there.

This is one of those situations where there needs to be a plan (a COMPLETE plan) in place so that the baby does not go hungry. It has nothing to do with anything other than the ADULT caregiver in charge making sure she/he provides each child in her care (that she/he agreed to provide care for) has what they need to thrive.

I wouldn't report it, if the child had medical issues due to it that would be up to the doctor to deal with. However, I would not be a party to it. Like you I wouldn't take a child I can't feed. I am not sure I would do it for three hours just because of the fact that I as the provider am held to (as I should be) a standard of care that says I will not deny food. If I don't feed a child, it will be considered abuse. What a parent does, is on them. What I do is on me. Which really is what you are saying I just won't do it is all. My thing is okay I agree to keep baby I can't feed for three hours. What happens after four or five hours when mom still isn't here? Sadly I have been in similar situations (mostly when dad forgot it was his night to pick up DCB and ended up at the bar and forgot him). I guess I just will always err on the side of caution in these situations.

[Blackcat31]

I wouldn't report it, if the child had medical issues due to it that would be up to the doctor to deal with. However, I would not be a party to it. Like you I wouldn't take a child I can't feed. I am not sure I would do it for three hours just because of the fact that I as the provider am held to (as I should be) a standard of care that says I will not deny food. If I don't feed a child, it will be considered abuse. What a parent does, is on them. What I do is on me. Which really is what you are saying I just won't do it is all. My thing is okay I agree to keep baby I can't feed for three hours. What happens after four or five hours when mom still isn't here? Sadly I have been in similar situations (mostly when dad forgot it was his night to pick up DCB and ended up at the bar and forgot him). I guess I just will always err on the side of caution in these situations.

Exactly! You (general you as a provider) either not accept the child at all until you KNOW they are capable of eating or you do NOT accept the child into care.

Whatever option you choose, is up to each provider but simply struggling all day trying to get a baby to eat unsuccessfully is neglectful on the providers part.

Bottom line is; have a plan in place that meets BABY'S needs verses just keeping a starving, unhappy baby all day without contacting the parent.

[Unregistered]

One of the easiest fixes for this problem is to call mom to pick up. I have a one pick up/drop off per day policy, so if mom has to come, she takes baby home with her. Trust me, after a few times (if that!), baby will know how to take a bottle. Once it inconveniences the parent, they usually get on board very quick!

[crazydaycarelady]

Just to clarify - no baby is being abused or going unfed at my house. I AM feeding this baby. I hold the bottle in her mouth and the milk drips in and she gulps it. She is not ****ing though and it is not enjoyable for her or me.

[KiddieCahoots]

Exactly! You (general you as a provider) either not accept the child at all until you KNOW they are capable of eating or you do NOT accept the child into care.

Whatever option you choose, is up to each provider but simply struggling all day trying to get a baby to eat unsuccessfully is neglectful on the providers part.

Bottom line is; have a plan in place that meets BABY'S needs verses just keeping a starving, unhappy baby all day without contacting the parent.

This is good advice to follow, wish I had learned this a long time ago, instead of allowing other people to persuade me itno trying over and over again to get a breast fed baby to drink from a bottle. People who treated me like I should know how to get a baby to drink from a bottle....because it's my job

[Thriftylady]

Just to clarify - no baby is being abused or going unfed at my house. I AM feeding this baby. I hold the bottle in her mouth and the milk drips in and she gulps it. She is not ****ing though and it is not enjoyable for her or me.

I hope you didn't take my stance wrong, clearly if she wasn't eating at all you would do something about it. I didn't mean it like that. This situation (regardless of if it is you, me or another provider) is on the parent. In your case I don't think the child is not eating at all, but I had one parent contact me recently who said her child wouldn't eat at all and wanted to leave her 8 hours a day. My answer of course was no way in heck. In your situation you are doing more than I think I would be willing to do, but that choice is yours. The mother however shouldn't be putting all this on you like she is.

[crazydaycarelady]

I didn't take it wrong Thrifty - just wanted to clarify. I don't think I would do for a new family but they are long time. The baby IS getting better too.