What Is Up With Breastfeeding DCMs Not Getting Their Baby Used To A Bottle?

[crazydaycarelady]

I ask every one of them to PLEASE get baby used to a bottle before they start care, but they never do. It is a pain for me, and I realize now that they just don't care if it is a pain for me, but it is THEIR baby who is ultimately suffering

:confused:

[crazydaycarelady]

FYI - I started two new 3mos last week, both breastfed. One is used to a bottle and one is not. Obviously one is a delight and one is not. I feel like the dcm set us up for a miserable time.

[nannyde]

I don't request it. I require it.

They must come within two to three days of beginning daycare and SHOW me the baby can gulp...hork...chow... destroy a bottle.

I tell them on interview one I can't start a baby until I SEE it and it needs to be within two to three days of the first day.

[MarinaVanessa]

I require it also. Even if I nanny. I'm not going to sit anywhere with a miserable baby that can't take a bottle, not even in their own home. It's unfair to the baby and unfair to me.

I require them to show me that they can feed the baby from a bottle.

[crazydaycarelady]

I've have never required that they show me before. It used to be enough to discuss it before the first day, they always cared enough to get the baby used to a bottle. I told dcm tonight that it wasn't going well. Her reply "she'll get used to it."

Well, I only have a certain amount of time per day to devote to feeding her so...........

[MarinaVanessa]

Definitely a different parenting era :confused:

[cheerfuldom]

I would refuse to take a child that is not bottle trained.

The other option is to send mom videos of unhappy baby at daycare. Be clear that this is an issue that needs to be (and can be in most cases) remedied immediately. They may get stubborn and take their child to someone who will put up with this circus so it is up to you to take the risk. Log how often and how long you tried to feed baby and how long baby cried each day as well as how little baby is eating and what amount they should be eating at this age. It will take a lot for a parent to disregard baby crying for a total of 4+ hours a day when the facts and numerous cell phone videos as evidence. If they pick up a non crying child and can keep them breastfeeding in the evening with you dealing with the crying during the day, they can sort of forget that their baby is literally crying all day long. A good parent will take you seriously and get this worked out. A bad parent will leave. Either way, you win.

[Thriftylady]

Am I the only person that sees this issue as bordering abuse/neglect? I mean if you don't get your child to take a bottle and you drop them off for 8 hours a day or more, isn't that kind of like not feeding them? And it all falls on the parent as the provider can't do much about it. I have always required that baby take a bottle or not be in my home. Anything else feels like I am condoning or participating in abusive behavior. Not saying anyone here is abusing a child, just that the parent is and I as a provider can't be a part of that.

[Blackcat31]

I would refuse to take a child that is not bottle trained.

The other option is to send mom videos of unhappy baby at daycare. Be clear that this is an issue that needs to be (and can be in most cases) remedied immediately. They may get stubborn and take their child to someone who will put up with this circus so it is up to you to take the risk. Log how often and how long you tried to feed baby and how long baby cried each day as well as how little baby is eating and what amount they should be eating at this age. It will take a lot for a parent to disregard baby crying for a total of 4+ hours a day when the facts and numerous cell phone videos as evidence. If they pick up a non crying child and can keep them breastfeeding in the evening with you dealing with the crying during the day, they can sort of forget that their baby is literally crying all day long. A good parent will take you seriously and get this worked out. A bad parent will leave. Either way, you win.

I agree. Instead of simply accepting it (dealing with a cranky hungry baby) give it back to the parent. I would refuse to take a baby if the baby did not readily accept a bottle. If the baby won't take a bottle, I literally (and physically..) can not provide food for them so its in the baby's best interest to be sent home...where they CAN eat.

For mom to say "she'll get used to it" is not only rude but totally unacceptable from a parents standpoint....it's neglectful.
Why would she not care if her child can eat or not?! :confused:

[hope]

When an infant has a cold and can not **** down a bottle due to congestion I call for pick up. It is dangerous to have an infant on an ounce or two for the whole day. They can dehydrate quickly. You can call for pick up for this too. No matter what the reason the baby won't take the bottle they need to go home.

[mduck]

I can see it both ways , now. But it took me caring for another persons child for me to SEE it. I was a nursing mom. I left my child with my mil for some alone time with Dh. I gave her a bottle a few times before leaving her so it wasn't cold turkey, BUT she didn't want to take it from mil easily. Mil was nervous about it, and dd DID catch on, but was difficult. My thoughts were that dd would give in and finally take the bottle from her. NOW though I can see just how problematic it is for a caregiver having been in a care givers shoes

As an analogy, I never did realize the challenges of being a pastor to a church until one pastor appreciation service. The church invited a different pastor to come and speak for it. His focus? The things your pastor won't tell you. He went on to discuss the things we as the congregation didn't know that our pastor has to deal with. One example was a personal one in which he and his own wife was in the hospital as she was having their first child. Supposedly a very joyous moment in their lives. BUT, on another floor was a family from their church who's mother was in the process of passing away. That family was grieving and in complete despair. He was going from floor to floor trying to comfort and trying to rejoice. A pastors life is not as easy as some might think.

I think the same goes for caregivers in a way. Often parents don't recognize the hardships and challenges they face because they've never been in thier shoes.

[Thriftylady]

I can see it both ways , now. But it took me caring for another persons child for me to SEE it. I was a nursing mom. I left my child with my mil for some alone time with Dh. I gave her a bottle a few times before leaving her so it wasn't cold turkey, BUT she didn't want to take it from mil easily. Mil was nervous about it, and dd DID catch on, but was difficult. My thoughts were that dd would give in and finally take the bottle from her. NOW though I can see just how problematic it is for a caregiver having been in a care givers shoes

As an analogy, I never did realize the challenges of being a pastor to a church until one pastor appreciation service. The church invited a different pastor to come and speak for it. His focus? The things your pastor won't tell you. He went on to discuss the things we as the congregation didn't know that our pastor has to deal with. One example was a personal one in which he and his own wife was in the hospital as she was having their first child. Supposedly a very joyous moment in their lives. BUT, on another floor was a family from their church who's mother was in the process of passing away. That family was grieving and in complete despair. He was going from floor to floor trying to comfort and trying to rejoice. A pastors life is not as easy as some might think.

I think the same goes for caregivers in a way. Often parents don't recognize the hardships and challenges they face because they've never been in thier shoes.

I understand what you are saying about being in our shoes, but to me the issue is about being in the babies shoes. The child is hungry and needs fed. To not feed the child is withholding food, and is not allowed.

[cheerfuldom]

I understand what you are saying about being in our shoes, but to me the issue is about being in the babies shoes. The child is hungry and needs fed. To not feed the child is withholding food, and is not allowed.

I agree. This really shows disregard on the parents part to not see the whole picture, to not show concern for a child that is refusing to eat during the day, to know their baby is crying constantly.

[mduck]

not understanding

redoing because my computer messed up in mid type.

[mduck]

not understanding

Ok, my computer messed up and sent my message mid type and all garbled. Sorry bout that.

So here's my second attempt. If mom stops breastfeeding for whatever reason (milk dries up, doesn't want to do it anymore). Someone is going to have to introduce the bottle, be it mom or caregiver. It's always difficult to transition a baby from breast to bottle. Baby will most likely always fight the change and refuse for a time. What difference does it make whether they refuse bottle from mom or from caregiver? The difference is rudeness on moms part because she is putting that difficult heart wrenching situation onto the caregiver who has only two hands and likely many other children to care for at the same time.

I've not heard of a case where a child goes from breast to bottle and starved after repeated efforts to introduce the bottle. But then again, I've never researched it. Maybe there is.

My question is this. Is the mom abusive because she stopped breastfeeding and her baby is not taking the bottle? Is that abuse? When the caregiver hands the baby to mom and mom still has a problem getting baby to eat. Is that abuse? When does it become abuse?

Added: Ok I think I read some of the responses wrong. No one was saying it was abusive. So oops.

I guess that's why I think it is a matter of being inconsiderate to your child care provider because I don't understand the "abuse" part of what people are saying.

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not judging the responses. I've just not been in the childcare business for very long and don't know all the ins and out of it. Is there something that says this is abuse?