Tattling... long

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  • childcaremom
    Advanced Daycare.com Member
    • May 2013
    • 2955

    Tattling... long

    I have a dcg5 and dcb3. They get along well usually. One issue that keeps cropping up is tattling.

    Dcg5 loves to tattle to me when dcb3 is doing something he shouldn't. I have no problems handling this when it happens here btwn the dcks. Usually I just tell her it is my job to worry about that and it is her job to go play. I monitor what goes on in their play and step in when needed.

    By 4 pm, dcg has had it. She is tired and ready to go home. Little things will set her off and usually result in tears. At pick up on Tuesday, she was upset b/c dcb was having his turn on a toy. Dcm came at that lovely moment and was worried about what was going on. I was instructing dcg to exit the porch (to go to dcm) and dcm was telling her to come over and tell her what was wrong. Lots of snuggles and tears, followed by dcm saying "Let's get out of here and go home."

    I am not heartless however I also do not play into drama. I will wait until they calm down and address the situation then.

    This is my problem family so I am not getting overly worked up about this as I am actively trying to replace them, however do not need *more* issues with this family in the meantime.

    So Wednesday morning (yesterday) at drop off, dcg informed dcb that he should not talk to her the way he did yesterday b/c it upset her. To me, the issue was done, however I let it go, but thinking to myself that there was probably much discussion in their house last night and probably this morning if it was still on her mind.

    Through the day, Wednesday, there were some squabbles that resulted in me separating them from each other "taking a break" and then regrouping and trying again. (we have been talking about how it is ok to need some alone time now and then)

    They played really well until late afternoon. When dcg did not get her way, she would tell dcb that she was going to tell her mom when she came to pick her up. I squashed that right away and told her that there is no tattling at my house PERIOD and that if she would like to talk with her mom about it she needs to wait until she gets home.

    So when dcm came to pick up, dcm asked me 3 times how the day was. Fine was how I answered each time. Not engaging this at all. Because it was a fine day. She made a snarky remark about the dcb (her son, who I sent home b/c of needles, yes that family!) when I asked her how he was feeling and they left.

    So.... today I plan to handle this the same way. Remind dcg of my rule of no tattling at my house, not talking to dcb like that, and will speak up at pick up if dcg starts tattling to her mom before they leave.

    Would you handle anything differently? Maybe email mom if something happens again, reminding her of my policy that what's done is done (that she never read )?
  • scorp122
    Daycare.com Member
    • Feb 2015
    • 25

    #2
    I find that all my 4 and 5 years went through the stage of tattling, i just tell them they don't have to tattle and i am here to take care of things. just keep repeating it, i also tell the parents what i tell their children, i seriously think its just a stage they go through around that age.

    Comment

    • MsLisa
      Daycare.com Member
      • Jun 2014
      • 288

      #3
      Originally posted by scorp122
      I find that all my 4 and 5 years went through the stage of tattling, i just tell them they don't have to tattle and i am here to take care of things. just keep repeating it, i also tell the parents what i tell their children, i seriously think its just a stage they go through around that age.
      Sadly I still deal with tattling with all my SA kids ranging from 6 to 11yr olds. They are all kings and queens of "MS. LISA!! ___ is ____!!". But the moment its them doing something wrong they freak out when they get tattled on. THEN it's someone else's fault. Never. Ending. Battle.

      I basically handle it the same way that ChildcareMom does. I tell them to "problem solve or I get involved". Probably won't work for littles but they usually do stop whatever the drama is because they don't want me to do it. I'll take away or remove the object/person causing the "problem". I have no tolerance for drama either.

      Comment

      • daycarediva
        Daycare.com Member
        • Jul 2012
        • 11698

        #4
        I wouldn't allow them to play together in the afternoon.

        "dcg you need some time alone in the afternoons before Mommy comes. You may play here."

        "dcb, you may play with _________ or __________ but not dcg."

        if she IS really struggling to maintain her cool before pick up, I would allow her some chill time. It also would be less 'on her mind' and dcm wouldn't walk in to see/engage the drama.

        I hope you can replace them soon! I would be sooo done at this point.

        Comment

        • Blackcat31
          • Oct 2010
          • 36124

          #5
          Here anyone who tattles is the one who gets to sit.

          Unless some one is dead, dying, bleeding or in immediate danger I don't want to hear it.

          Tattler's get the consequence.

          If Billy is playing blocks but pauses to tattle on Janie, then Janie gets his blocks and Billy gets to go sit somewhere by himself.

          As for kids tattling to their parents...oh well. They aren't allowed to do it here but they can chat about anything they want at home. If they try to tattle to their parent about someone here while the parent is picking up, the tattler gets to sit by themselves the next day.

          If a parent has a legitimate concern about something that happened/happens here, they can come to me and we can discuss it.

          Comment

          • childcaremom
            Advanced Daycare.com Member
            • May 2013
            • 2955

            #6
            Originally posted by daycarediva
            I wouldn't allow them to play together in the afternoon.

            Yes, I think this is where we are headed.

            Comment

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