Have You Ever Had A Child That Didn't Fit?

[My Lil' Monkeys]

I know I posted resently about a dcg that I took on about 3 weeks ago. She came for that week and then started full time yesterday. I feel like she might not be "fit" for my group. I really need the money and really want her to work!! Here is why I think this.... She is over 3 and has older siblings and my group is 2 yr, 18 months, 1 year, and 10 months.

I don't do "pre-school" stuff as my group is/was young... I pull out lots of toys, books, blocks, cars, dolls, strollers..etc. (my living room is where my daycare is ran) plus I also this week have been doing different things in my sensory table. Yesterday she did great, but got bored at 11:30 until nap time (1pm). Today, she got bored after 10 mins of the sensory table and sat on my couch until I asked her to "please, go play" and she sat on the floor and got really sad and cried for her mom to pick her up... she did NOTHING for over 2 hrs but sat on the floor. I offered her to help me do things (which kept her busy for oh 2 mins and then she went back to the floor)

I'm not sure if it's that she much older than my group. That or she might just sit and do nothing at home as dcd told me that she "once in a while" does it at home. Any ideas would be great... I'm really hoping to make it work but I don't want this poor girl to be bored and sad here all day!! If that's the case it will be a LONG year and half with her!

[kidkair]

Was she like this the first week too? If this is new behavior than maybe it's more that she misses the craziness of everyone being home for a week. I'd give her awhile to adjust to the routine. Maybe encourage your other kids to give her toys. I had a 3 year old girl who was like this when she'd come after spending a few days at home. She also has older siblings. I got the younger kids to keep giving her toys until she smiled and then laughed and eventually joined in. Another thing she might not be used to is being supervised closely by an adult. Do you have a room or maybe section off part of a room that she could go to and be free of you for a little bit? I know here we need to be able to see or hear kids so if you can still hear her in her own little area I think it would be fine. If you can make it unaccessible to the babies maybe you could have some special older kid thing in there for her too.

[momatheart]

I would give it some more Full time time and then decide. It is so hard to tell after the holidays and then starting up full time from pt time. Do you have room to take in another child her age?

[My Lil' Monkeys]

I would give it some more Full time time and then decide. It is so hard to tell after the holidays and then starting up full time from pt time. Do you have room to take in another child her age?

The first week with her in December was really hard on her and me so I told the parents at the end of that week I would give her a 2 week trial to see if it works. I do have 1 full time spot left but don't have the car space for another full time child to get my son to/from school.

[My Lil' Monkeys]

Was she like this the first week too? If this is new behavior than maybe it's more that she misses the craziness of everyone being home for a week. I'd give her awhile to adjust to the routine. Maybe encourage your other kids to give her toys. I had a 3 year old girl who was like this when she'd come after spending a few days at home. She also has older siblings. I got the younger kids to keep giving her toys until she smiled and then laughed and eventually joined in. Another thing she might not be used to is being supervised closely by an adult. Do you have a room or maybe section off part of a room that she could go to and be free of you for a little bit? I know here we need to be able to see or hear kids so if you can still hear her in her own little area I think it would be fine. If you can make it unaccessible to the babies maybe you could have some special older kid thing in there for her too.

Her behavior was like this the first week. It was a very hard week with her!! I told her parents that I would give her 2 weeks to see if she adjusts. Dcm told me at pick up that she was really tired this morning and maybe that was her problem. She told me that if I needed to I could turn on a show for her - she was bored for 2 hours, so does she think for that long?! I don't mind while I make lunch or early arrivals but I don't turn the TV on while we are playing.

My house doesn't have a place to section off for her to have an older group space. My living room really isn't that big and I use my dining room for my sensory table. I would love to do sections in my house but I live in my house, also.

[nannyde]

This is NOT a big age difference at ALL. There should be NO problem with her playing with any kid that can walk.

[ninosqueridos]

My kids and dcks are the same age range with 3yo being the oldest....and they all play well around each other. I'd give her some more time..........perhaps give her opportunities to be a leader among the younger ones.....like teaching them how to do something she has already mastered. My older ones enjoy doing that type of thing with the younger ones and the younger ones eat it up.

[kidkair]

This is NOT a big age difference at ALL. There should be NO problem with her playing with any kid that can walk.

She may have a problem if she's never been with kids this age before. Or maybe she's very verbal and no of the other kids can talk to her yet (in her opinion). This could be a very difficult transition for her especially after the holidays.

Her behavior was like this the first week. It was a very hard week with her!! I told her parents that I would give her 2 weeks to see if she adjusts. Dcm told me at pick up that she was really tired this morning and maybe that was her problem. She told me that if I needed to I could turn on a show for her - she was bored for 2 hours, so does she think for that long?! I don't mind while I make lunch or early arrivals but I don't turn the TV on while we are playing.

My house doesn't have a place to section off for her to have an older group space. My living room really isn't that big and I use my dining room for my sensory table. I would love to do sections in my house but I live in my house, also.

Maybe use a little extra tv time as a reward? Can you set up a large box and put her in charge of decorating it? Maybe let her use the dinning room to decorate in while you keep the other kids in the living room for 1/2 hour.

My kids and dcks are the same age range with 3yo being the oldest....and they all play well around each other. I'd give her some more time..........perhaps give her opportunities to be a leader among the younger ones.....like teaching them how to do something she has already mastered. My older ones enjoy doing that type of thing with the younger ones and the younger ones eat it up.

I agree. Maybe she'd even do good with some little chores like wiping the table or sweeping or stirring something for lunch or getting something one of the other kids want.

[My Lil' Monkeys]

This is NOT a big age difference at ALL. There should be NO problem with her playing with any kid that can walk.

All my kids walk but 1 (who starts tomorrow) but the dcg doesn't play with any of them. She just sits - like today for 2 hrs on the floor and didn't do a thing!! My son (who's 2) tried to get her to play and she refused!! When I brought it up to mom she just blows it off like it's nothing.

[My Lil' Monkeys]

My kids and dcks are the same age range with 3yo being the oldest....and they all play well around each other. I'd give her some more time..........perhaps give her opportunities to be a leader among the younger ones.....like teaching them how to do something she has already mastered. My older ones enjoy doing that type of thing with the younger ones and the younger ones eat it up.

I like that idea, could you give me some examples? I'm sure she would like it because she liked helping a little this morning.

[My Lil' Monkeys]

She may have a problem if she's never been with kids this age before. Or maybe she's very verbal and no of the other kids can talk to her yet (in her opinion). This could be a very difficult transition for her especially after the holidays.



Maybe use a little extra tv time as a reward? Can you set up a large box and put her in charge of decorating it? Maybe let her use the dinning room to decorate in while you keep the other kids in the living room for 1/2 hour.



I agree. Maybe she'd even do good with some little chores like wiping the table or sweeping or stirring something for lunch or getting something one of the other kids want.

She's never been in a daycare and she's had a lot of changes in the last couple months at home. My son (2) talks very well... he talks just like she does in full sentences and he talks to her all day long.

I really like the box idea. Today, I asked her to help read books with the toddlers and she just sat there. I asked her to help bring me the dishes and cups at lunch time and she did help with that.

I'm really not use to having a 3 yr old as my group has been toddlers... I really like your ideas...I really would like more suggestions to try with her if you don't mind.

[SandeeAR]

You mentioned she has "older siblings", so she is the youngest/baby at home?

At your house, she is the oldest. She is probably use to being babied and entertained by the older siblings. She probably doesn't have a clue "how" to play by herself.

[nannyde]

All my kids walk but 1 (who starts tomorrow) but the dcg doesn't play with any of them. She just sits - like today for 2 hrs on the floor and didn't do a thing!! My son (who's 2) tried to get her to play and she refused!! When I brought it up to mom she just blows it off like it's nothing.

I've had this before with a three year old girl.

My theory is that any kid who can't naturally play with kids within a few years of them has had their natural human baby play drive removed from their mind set. This is usually caused by playing with much older children and mostly adults.

She has to reach back into what she is hard wired to do and find what it takes to communicate with VERY VERY close in age children. The only way to do that is to put her in that position and stay out of her happiness until she sees that it is more fun to play with them than it is to sit. That may take a month or so.

I would NOT be offended by her sitting on the floor for hours. She has a right to her little feelings and she has a right to have a stage of "loss" time where she has to adjust to the loss of having someone else be her entertainer or being in an fully free range enviroment where what she can do and get into is a huge source of entertainment. Let her grieve her loss and stay out of it.

My only rule with her would be that she would NOT be allowed to sit and stare at the adult. That's the most common behavior out of these kinds of kids. They are scanning the adult and what the adult is doing because to THEM this is the highest level of entertainment they see available in the room. I would cut that off right away. She can sit all she wants but she would need to sit away from and facing away from the action you are creating.

I would also not allow her to be on the couch during play. That is too comfortable and mostly it is a position higher than the kids. You don't want her body above the kids. She needs to be on the same level with her body facing towards what they are doing and the toys.

I would not do anything to try to integrate her into the kids play. Tell the kids to leave her be. They need to cruise along side of her and she needs TIME to see how THEY do it. They will teach her what to do. She is "still" now so she has time to watch and learn.

When she is sitting and watching then let her know that you see she is sitting and that you think she's doing a great job at that. I would tell her "you are really good at watching. I like that". When she does decide to start DOING something then after a while say "you are playing? Oh well I guess that's cool too. Carry on." She needs to know that you are fine with either and aren't going to try to talk her into or out of either one. It's on her.

Respect her feelings and stay out of it. You didn't create this so you can't solve it. She has to bring out the inner play child on her own. I wouldn't include her in ANY activity except "go play toys" until you see a good weekly history of her playing toys. "Helping" you do stuff and you creating happiness for her will just prolong it. She will learn that she can sit and do nothing but eventually you WILL provide what she is used to and wants. Right now she just needs to eat, sleep, go outside with you guys, and GO PLAY TOYS. She doesn't need school, crafts, activities, reading, games, puzzles, TV etc. She just needs to play toys first and then play toys with the kids second. After many weeks of her showing you she can do this THEN it's time to get into activities and such. Right now... keep it very simple and respect her feelings but don't try to change them.

[Cat Herder]

I fully agree with Nannyde...

Reminds me of Dr. Doolittle when he was retraining the bear to be a bear ::::

Good Morning!

[nannyde]

I fully agree with Nannyde...

Reminds me of Dr. Doolittle when he was retraining the bear to be a bear ::::

Good Morning!

Yes she has it within her. She just has to see that it's the best deal in town. It's nothing to feel sorry for and try to change. It has to come from within her.

A lot of providers who take preschool kids they haven't raised are worried that the kid will go home and complain that they don't like it and the parents will pull the child. This is what gets them to try to intervene to make the kid happy. Then the provider is unhappy because it turns out that the adult playing with the child and providing wall to wall happiness IS what the child is after.

That's a slippery slope and never really quits escalating because the child's desire on what it takes to make them happy gets more and more to the adult just doing as they are told.

Kids don't need adults providing them entertainment happiness. IShe has toys, kids her age, food, clean environment, and supervision. She has it REALLY good. We have to understand that it IS good for her and that she needs to come to that it is enough.