Am I Being a B%&@#

[Thriftylady]

Ok so the one DCM I have right now has ticked me off. She starred in Feb. with her two SA kids before and after school care. I gave her an awesome rate of $40 a week. Sometimes they come before school, not always bus stop is in my yard. They are always here after school, up until contracted time of 5:30 PM even when mom is off work, but it is contracted hours. Payment is due on Fridays, but I have let this family slide and pay on Monday or Tuesday. So two weeks ago I gave a notice saying that they had to follow policy. So last week on Friday they asked if they could pay Monday after I sent mom a text reminding her that the policies would now be enforced. They asked if they paid Monday did they have to pay on Friday? UM yes. Well mom told me Wednesday that dad doesn't help pay the bills, but he gets paid on Friday and would pay today. Well mom picks up today and no mention than payment at all. So she picks up at 5:30 not a word about payment. So I text at 6:30 that late fees of $10 per day would begin at 7. I have heard nothing.

Mom gave two weeks notice today, because she has told the state that dad still isn't living with her (they are divorced) and she is going to get summer care at a center for $11 a week. So I guess I don't feel bad about starting the late fees, I have given them a country mile. DH says I should report her for welfare fraud since they are getting food stamps and now daycare based on mom's income and dad supposedly not living there. So should I report her? I guess DH and I feel like we work our butts off to try to survive with no help (our income was $30,000 last year), DD does get medicaid but we pay our insurance.

I feel like a B for even considering terming or charging late fees, much less turning her in. What would you do?

[sharlan]

If you know for a fact that she's abusing the system, then yes, report her.

[daycare]

I would and have. I had a dcm that was abusing the system, openly admitted it to me in an email. So I had proof. I termed her and at the same time turned her in. I don't know what happen with the state and my fraud report, they left and never made contact with me again which I was really happy about...

[Thriftylady]

If you know for a fact that she's abusing the system, then yes, report her.

Well she told me she is. She said "we are not back together on paper". I asked "are they still taking child support?" She said "yes because I have not told them otherwise because he doesn't give me any money, and we use the child support money for our gas to work".

[Josiegirl]

$11 a week? For the 2 of them? She's got to be lying to you about that. Is she receiving state subsidy for the kids? I cannot wrap my head around that. That's pennies. I know your area charges lower rates than I've ever heard of but that's ridiculous. Is your cost of living extremely low in your area?

And yes, if you have proof, I'd report. Even if you don't have proof, wouldn't they investigate it and find out for themselves?

[Thriftylady]

$11 a week? For the 2 of them? She's got to be lying to you about that. Is she receiving state subsidy for the kids? I cannot wrap my head around that. That's pennies. I know your area charges lower rates than I've ever heard of but that's ridiculous. Is your cost of living extremely low in your area?

And yes, if you have proof, I'd report. Even if you don't have proof, wouldn't they investigate it and find out for themselves?

The $11 a week will be with the state subsidy paying the rest. That will be her co pay. I don't have proof, other than what she told me. I am not even sure the state will really check, I don't know how that works. I guess it just irks me to see honest people struggle and then see people do things like this.

[Mandy]

You are doing what is right.

Ok so the one DCM I have right now has ticked me off. She starred in Feb. with her two SA kids before and after school care. I gave her an awesome rate of $40 a week. Sometimes they come before school, not always bus stop is in my yard. They are always here after school, up until contracted time of 5:30 PM even when mom is off work, but it is contracted hours. Payment is due on Fridays, but I have let this family slide and pay on Monday or Tuesday. So two weeks ago I gave a notice saying that they had to follow policy. So last week on Friday they asked if they could pay Monday after I sent mom a text reminding her that the policies would now be enforced. They asked if they paid Monday did they have to pay on Friday? UM yes. Well mom told me Wednesday that dad doesn't help pay the bills, but he gets paid on Friday and would pay today. Well mom picks up today and no mention than payment at all. So she picks up at 5:30 not a word about payment. So I text at 6:30 that late fees of $10 per day would begin at 7. I have heard nothing.

Mom gave two weeks notice today, because she has told the state that dad still isn't living with her (they are divorced) and she is going to get summer care at a center for $11 a week. So I guess I don't feel bad about starting the late fees, I have given them a country mile. DH says I should report her for welfare fraud since they are getting food stamps and now daycare based on mom's income and dad supposedly not living there. So should I report her? I guess DH and I feel like we work our butts off to try to survive with no help (our income was $30,000 last year), DD does get medicaid but we pay our insurance.

I feel like a B for even considering terming or charging late fees, much less turning her in. What would you do?

First of all, no you are not a B . You are doing what is right which is enforcing your policies . Listen to your gut feeling if you think they are abusing the welfare system. Report them because they are falsifying documents.

[Unregistered]

I guess I'm the odd man out. I wouldn't report reason being is by doing that you're actually hurting the kids also. She maybe really over there struggling to feed her children. I remember when I tried to get help from the state because i had to put my kids in daycare and they said I made too much. I was struggling to get by without paying for daycare. 1 of my checks wouldn't even cover the the monthly cost for my 2 kids. Luckily things worked out for me and I was able to move my schedule around to not need daycare but if i weren't able to do that I would've had to stop working because I wouldn't have been able to afford it.

[Thriftylady]

I guess I'm the odd man out. I wouldn't report reason being is by doing that you're actually hurting the kids also. She maybe really over there struggling to feed her children. I remember when I tried to get help from the state because i had to put my kids in daycare and they said I made too much. I was struggling to get by without paying for daycare. 1 of my checks wouldn't even cover the the monthly cost for my 2 kids. Luckily things worked out for me and I was able to move my schedule around to not need daycare but if i weren't able to do that I would've had to stop working because I wouldn't have been able to afford it.

See I have needed help and fought tooth and nail to get it in my life, so that is why this irks me. They eat out every darn night, the kids have told me that. If she was living on just her income, she would need the help. But with dad living there again (has been the whole time I have the kids) that makes them a two income household. Only she isn't telling the state he is living there, so she can still get food stamps and now daycare again. I think help for those who need it should be there. And I understand making just over the guidelines, been there myself. But to have people lying about it to me is another issue, when you know there is a single mom out there, being honest about everything and barely making it.

[Unregistered]

See I have needed help and fought tooth and nail to get it in my life, so that is why this irks me. They eat out every darn night, the kids have told me that. If she was living on just her income, she would need the help. But with dad living there again (has been the whole time I have the kids) that makes them a two income household. Only she isn't telling the state he is living there, so she can still get food stamps and now daycare again. I think help for those who need it should be there. And I understand making just over the guidelines, been there myself. But to have people lying about it to me is another issue, when you know there is a single mom out there, being honest about everything and barely making it.

I get it I see people getting assistance and being able to go on vacations, concerts etc and it ticks me off. I even know of a couple of ladies that sit at home all day (no job, no school, no gain) and are able to send their kids to daycare while the state pays for it. Hows that possible I don't know? but my husband and I have to work hard and fight for everything we have. Before my son started kindergarten I heard the school provided pre-k but of course we didn't qualify because it was based on income. So I just worked with him at home and he was one of the top students in his class the whole school year. It seems like the system is set up for middle class people to not get ahead

[Thriftylady]

Well I made up my mind about part of this. First off, I am going to call and turn her in. I just can't get over the abuse of the system when I know for a fact so many people struggle and stay honest about everything.

My other dilemma I know will come in the morning with her. The kids started with me in Feb. My policies state that payments are due on Friday for the next week, but I let her slide and do it on Tuesdays because that is when she gets paid. But dad gets paid on Fridays. So two weeks ago I sent out a notice that said there would be no more letting things slide, everyone must follow the policies. The didn't say a word about it. So a week ago Friday I sent mom a text. Dad picked up that day and asked me about it, and I told him that they could slide one more time, but that policies would be enforced the following week (so this last Friday). Dad said "so if we pay Monday, we have to pay again on Friday?" I said yes. So mom picks up Friday and didn't say a word and either did I (I wanted some time to think about it). So I texted mom an hour or so later that if payment wasn't received by 7 PM, that the late fees of $10 a day would begin. I haven't had a call, a text, or a visit from them to even discuss it. She has given her two week notice, but needs me until the 20th when school is out. I have a one week deposit. I know she is going to show up in the morning with the kids, probably with a weeks pay, but not with late fees. I need to figure out how I want to handle that. Any ideas?

[AuntTami]

Well I made up my mind about part of this. First off, I am going to call and turn her in. I just can't get over the abuse of the system when I know for a fact so many people struggle and stay honest about everything.

My other dilemma I know will come in the morning with her. The kids started with me in Feb. My policies state that payments are due on Friday for the next week, but I let her slide and do it on Tuesdays because that is when she gets paid. But dad gets paid on Fridays. So two weeks ago I sent out a notice that said there would be no more letting things slide, everyone must follow the policies. The didn't say a word about it. So a week ago Friday I sent mom a text. Dad picked up that day and asked me about it, and I told him that they could slide one more time, but that policies would be enforced the following week (so this last Friday). Dad said "so if we pay Monday, we have to pay again on Friday?" I said yes. So mom picks up Friday and didn't say a word and either did I (I wanted some time to think about it). So I texted mom an hour or so later that if payment wasn't received by 7 PM, that the late fees of $10 a day would begin. I haven't had a call, a text, or a visit from them to even discuss it. She has given her two week notice, but needs me until the 20th when school is out. I have a one week deposit. I know she is going to show up in the morning with the kids, probably with a weeks pay, but not with late fees. I need to figure out how I want to handle that. Any ideas?

Take her payment and turn her away with her kids until she returns with the late fee. I'm having the same struggle here and I'm done. No more being nice and letting it slide. It's due when it's due or late fees are assessed! . End of the story!

[Thriftylady]

Take her payment and turn her away with her kids until she returns with the late fee. I'm having the same struggle here and I'm done. No more being nice and letting it slide. It's due when it's due or late fees are assessed! . End of the story!

Ok, so if I do that and she chooses not to pay the late fees, and wants her payment back then what? I am asking because I wonder if even though she still needs care if she will go ahead and pull them. Or do I chalk it up to the rest of her two week notice payment? I struggle with these issues so darn much.

[AuntTami]

Ok, so if I do that and she chooses not to pay the late fees, and wants her payment back then what? I am asking because I wonder if even though she still needs care if she will go ahead and pull them. Or do I chalk it up to the rest of her two week notice payment? I struggle with these issues so darn much.

Didn't you say she paid a deposit? What if you took the late fees out of that and just give her back less of a deposit at the end and explain why?

Does she have a choice but to pay the late fees? What if she doesn't? You don't take her children and then what is she going to do? She obviously needs daycare or they wouldn't be in daycare... Does she have grandma and grandpa she can use as a back up or are you her only option right now? I guess that answer would depend on how flexible I was.

[Thriftylady]

Didn't you say she paid a deposit? What if you took the late fees out of that and just give her back less of a deposit at the end and explain why?

Does she have a choice but to pay the late fees? What if she doesn't? You don't take her children and then what is she going to do? She obviously needs daycare or they wouldn't be in daycare... Does she have grandma and grandpa she can use as a back up or are you her only option right now? I guess that answer would depend on how flexible I was.

I have a deposit, that is supposed to get applied to the last week of care when two week notice is given. But I think she is counting on using that since she gave her two weeks notice. She does have some help, but not as much as she needs, or she wouldn't be paying me for sure. I guess I am pretty much her only option. Should I text her and tell her I won't keep them tomorrow without pay and late fees? Should I just tell her at the door oh sorry? I know tons of questions I am still learning to be tough. Oh her deposit is only one week of fees also.