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Hi! So my problem is that my son who is 4 says he doesn't like the dck's. He's an angel until the first one shows up and then he starts. He'll sit there and just scowl at the kids. He doesn't want to sit by them at meals, and he constantly takes toys from them saying"that's not for daycare". I have been doing this for over a year now, so this is not that new to him. Also, he is absolutely not getting shorted on ANY attention from me. I have gone out of my way to make sure he gets LOTS of love when the dck's are here. I've been patient with him, but now I'm getting kind of upset by his behavior. The dck's are very nice to him and just want to play, and he doesn't even give them a chance. What really makes me mad is that he'll do this stuff when parents are around, and I don't want that worrying them, or thinking badly of me or him. He's never hurt anyone, but I am constantly having to watch over him bc I'm worried he may. What should I do to help him? He is a very sweet and loving boy, and is just an angel...usually. (excluding dc hours!) any ideas or advice would be VERY appreciated! Thanks!
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~Everything happens for a reason~
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Are his toys seperate from daycare toys? Is his room used only by him or do the dck have access to it?
Is there a way you can have some time alone with him before the kids arrive? And is there just you and him time after everyone leaves?
Maybe he would do a well with a special job to help you out. -
Hmmm...
I think I would lay down the law and let him know that it is NOT ok.
If he takes a toy and says it's not for daycare, I would let him know that any toy that is out during daycare is a daycare toy in a very firm way. If he spoke unkindly, I would let him know that it is unacceptable behavior and that if he can't be nice to the other children, he can go sit in his room by himself. I told my dd, "if you can't play nice with your friends, then don't play with them at all." Then she'd have to play in her room by herself. It didn't take long at all for her to decide that it was more fun to join the group.
Please don't take offense, but he sounds like he's on a little power trip. I would stop that today. He is old enough to know better and his behavior will reflect on you.Comment
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My son started similar behaviors at 5. He wouldn't want to share with the dck, he would claim the house and everything as his territory, act out behavior wise, ect.
I ended up separating his toys from daycare toys. If he wanted to play with his toys he needed to go in his room or another room where children where not allowed. We also started having "special" lunches. My mom or dad would watch the children and we would go out to eat or do something special. Once school started we changed it to date night dinners.
He is 8 now and still has issues periodically with sharing toys and attention.
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Here I would say" christopher Eric lastname. You will not disrespect me go to your room. When you change your attitude you can return. "Right in front of God and anyone else.
Then when became back he would be given 2 choices. Play repsectfully or clean something. I don't ask if my kids like the dc kids. It's a non issue. I don't CARE if they like them. They arent there for a playdate. It's a paycheck. And my son would either **** it up or I would have the cleanest baseboards and floors around. That's our punishments here though. If they backtalk or misbehave they wash something. You wouldn't take him to the office with you and let him talk like that. During daycare hours your home is your office.Comment
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You know him best, but could he just be trying to lay a guilt trip on you? I'd offer him the opportunity to stay in his room and play with his own special toys by himself if he doesn't want to play with anyone else. If he chooses to be in the daycare area, then he needs to be kind to the other children.
When mine were younger they always had their own special toys that they could choose not to share with the daycare kids, kept in their own room. So if they got something new, or for whatever reason...if it was theirs and they didn't want to share it they didn't have to. (They did not do this in the middle of the day-like take toys out of daycare, it was something decided right away)Comment
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Yes, his toys are all separate and none of the dcks are allowed upstairs-where his room is. He gets LOTS of time with me both before and after dc, so that's why this is puzzling me.
I agree with jen that this may be a power thing. He's got me around his finger and he knows it. Time to pull out the backbone!~Everything happens for a reason~Comment
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This!! Yep, you're so right. Ive told him, that he doesn't have to like the kids, he just can't be rude to them,bc this is how mom makes money to buy HIM stuff. I like the cleanly idea. Time outs are used by my children as more of a way to get out of doing something rather than punishment. Maybe using your idea would get the message across better.~Everything happens for a reason~Comment
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Also,... I would lay off the extra attention for a coule days evenings and mornings. I'd just tell him , your behavior during daycare made me angry, go play in your room. Make him earn back that time.Comment
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I was always told that spending an equal amount of time with each of your kids to prevent sibling rivalry (or your ds's issue) etc is pointless because from a child's perspective ANY amount of time you spend with anyone else or anything else is just time you could spend with them. Even if you just devoted an entire day to that child. Kids don't see things as equal they just see them as not equal... LOL!! Your son may just be learning that he is feeling a bit jealous of the others. I think he is proabbaly at that age where he is starting to see things in the big picture.....he proabably never really realized how he felt about it before. My own son used to say "Mom, make them (DCK's) stop looking at me..." He claimed he hated the dck's but I made sure he was polite/respectful regardless of how he felt.Comment
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Well since he gets enough attention and that isn't the issue. Definietly time to put your foot down and as laundrymom said in front of God and anyone else.Comment
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Anytime he took a toy away saying that it's not for daycare, I would make him go get one of the toys from his room and donate it to the daycare. Anytime he acted angry toward one of the kids and didn't want to play, I would send him to a corner and he could sit there until he was willing to play nicely. I would get very hard on him and make sure got it straight in his head that I am in charge not him.Celebrate! :
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