One of the Kids Hit Me..

[Play Care]

It would depend on the child, the age and the circumstance for me. A hit it not an automatic term for me. If the child was in the middle of a tantrum and I was a causality and not the target - that would matter. If this child had no history of behavior issue, I would conference with parents, but it wouldn't be a one strike situation.

Agreed, though it would be age dependent for me. A 4 yo who was mid tantrum would be gone, regardless of if it was an accident or not. IME, 4 is too old to be acting that way.

I've said it before and I believe it - I think there is something fundamentally wrong with a child, especially one who is a bit "older" (3 1/2 +) who thinks it's okay or normal to smack their adult caregiver when they are upset. It tells me that something is so "off" with the child - either in their mind or their family life, that they think physical violence toward their caregiver is acceptable. In over 10 years of providing care and three years of being a preschool assistant, I've *never* been hit or kicked by a child. I refuse to act as if this is the "new normal."

[Josiegirl]

Agreed, though it would be age dependent for me. A 4 yo who was mid tantrum would be gone, regardless of if it was an accident or not. IME, 4 is too old to be acting that way.

I've said it before and I believe it - I think there is something fundamentally wrong with a child, especially one who is a bit "older" (3 1/2 +) who thinks it's okay or normal to smack their adult caregiver when they are upset. It tells me that something is so "off" with the child - either in their mind or their family life, that they think physical violence toward their caregiver is acceptable. In over 10 years of providing care and three years of being a preschool assistant, I've *never* been hit or kicked by a child. I refuse to act as if this is the "new normal."

While I do tend to agree with this for the most part, I'm also wondering how you would describe something as 'off' with the child? Just curious is all. The worst problems I have encountered are 2 sibs who seem to be soooo strong-willed. In my experience, they've been the most difficult to deal with and the most physical. It's a constant butting of heads. And I have to admit when my now 24 yo dd was 5 yo, she was just like this. Now she seems normal(whatever THAT is). But as far as anything being off(I'm assuming you're talking spectrums, etc.) I don't see that. These 2 will make wonderful CEO's someday when they get to actually boss people around. But for right now, being intelligent, extremely verbal, I only sense that their frustration with authority and being told what to do, runs deep. They do NOT like rules at my house. So they strike out and scream. I also see lack of self-control at times, which hopefully will come with maturity.

[Play Care]

While I do tend to agree with this for the most part, I'm also wondering how you would describe something as 'off' with the child? Just curious is all. The worst problems I have encountered are 2 sibs who seem to be soooo strong-willed. In my experience, they've been the most difficult to deal with and the most physical. It's a constant butting of heads. And I have to admit when my now 24 yo dd was 5 yo, she was just like this. Now she seems normal(whatever THAT is). But as far as anything being off(I'm assuming you're talking spectrums, etc.) I don't see that. These 2 will make wonderful CEO's someday when they get to actually boss people around. But for right now, being intelligent, extremely verbal, I only sense that their frustration with authority and being told what to do, runs deep. They do NOT like rules at my house. So they strike out and scream. I also see lack of self-control at times, which hopefully will come with maturity.

I'm not talking about disabilities, necessarily. I have had several very strong willed kids go through my program. They've certainly given me a run for my money, but they've never raised a hand or foot to me.

It seems as though the times I've heard of kids hitting caregivers, there is usually a lot more to the story - maybe they run the show at home and the parents let them/are intimidated by them or their behavior. Maybe hitting is how things are handled within the home. Maybe the caregiver's discipline methods are TOO gentle for that child. Perhaps there are spectrum issues or another diagnosis. Perhaps it's a combination of factors. I just know that I won't entertain that on my time.

[Blackcat31]

I thought of this topic today. Right after the moment a long term dcg, also 4 yo, hit me. She's a very defiant strong-willed temperamental thing. We were outside playing and one of the other little girls' mommies came and knocked on the gate. 4 yo dcg insisted on opening it and I said why don't we let N open it since it's her mom? 4 yo dcg is the boss here. I really don't know why I need to be here. Well, she started screaming at me and I brought her away from the gate. After I said goodbye to the other dcg, I turned and was 'helping' 4 yo to sit down at the picnic table so I could talk with her. My goodness, you'd have thought I was killing the poor child. Then she hit me. I could tell it was going to be an 'off' afternoon for her anyways right from the moment she sat down at the lunch table and was mean to everybody.
Counting the months left. She starts full time prek in the fall and it will not come soon enough. She does not like sharing me with other kids or letting other kids do anything. Everything is a battle with her.

Anyways OP, I can certainly empathize with you. Hope your hitter gets better.

While I do tend to agree with this for the most part, I'm also wondering how you would describe something as 'off' with the child? Just curious is all. The worst problems I have encountered are 2 sibs who seem to be soooo strong-willed. In my experience, they've been the most difficult to deal with and the most physical. It's a constant butting of heads. And I have to admit when my now 24 yo dd was 5 yo, she was just like this. Now she seems normal(whatever THAT is). But as far as anything being off(I'm assuming you're talking spectrums, etc.) I don't see that. These 2 will make wonderful CEO's someday when they get to actually boss people around. But for right now, being intelligent, extremely verbal, I only sense that their frustration with authority and being told what to do, runs deep. They do NOT like rules at my house. So they strike out and scream. I also see lack of self-control at times, which hopefully will come with maturity.

Um wow. For lack of better words, these aren't "off" behaviors. These are bratty behaviors of a child who is used to running the show and getting exactly what THEY want despite anyone else's feelings.

Sounds to me like they've never faced any type of rules or boundaries and when anyone attempts, they lash out because they aren't used to being told no. The lashing out works somewhere therefore, it's continued to be used as a method of gaining what they want.

Basically, they've never been taught no. In my opinion, it has nothing to do with maturity and everything to do with the parent and their willingness to set those boundaries and more importantly follow through with them.

[Kabob]

I've never had a child hit me but if I did (at 4 yo), I'd say their behavior has escalated to the point where they no longer a good fit for my program. I just wouldn't want to worry about a 4 yo smacking another child during a tantrum or otherwise since they can do more damage than a 2 yo. Even my terrible 4yo and 5 yo siblings never tried to hit me mid tantrum...and they were the worst behaved kids I've ever seen...

[Josiegirl]

Um wow. For lack of better words, these aren't "off" behaviors. These are bratty behaviors of a child who is used to running the show and getting exactly what THEY want despite anyone else's feelings.

Sounds to me like they've never faced any type of rules or boundaries and when anyone attempts, they lash out because they aren't used to being told no. The lashing out works somewhere therefore, it's continued to be used as a method of gaining what they want.

Basically, they've never been taught no. In my opinion, it has nothing to do with maturity and everything to do with the parent and their willingness to set those boundaries and more importantly follow through with them.

I think part of it stems from going home and turning on screen time and leaving mom/dad alone. We rarely watch TV here so she has to find a way to cope with sharing time/space/toys/me with 5 other kids.
I remember dcm telling me about her ds, he was maybe 5 or a little older, he played one of those claw machines and ended up winning...nothing. He screamed and carried on like he was being tortured. Some kids are much more emotional than others and don't control their impulses very well. Those kids hate to lose so it's challenging to play any kind of competitive game. Yet, if they make up games, they'll always try to call out winners and losers(of course as soon as I see it happening, I end it, change directions, etc.). And the 4 yo dcg playing tag? Unreal. She loves to run and be chased but man, if you tag her, watch out.
Dcm talks with the kids, works things out, tries to reason with them, uses reward charts, things like that.
Me? Sometimes, I have to admit, I don't have the time, energy or patience left for that so dcg gets told 'this is my rule' End of discussion. Plus, I've found the more you reason with some kids, the more room it gives them for attempted manipulation. So those 2 siblings and I tend to butt heads more than usual. I look around at all the other dcks and have never seen these kinds of actions displayed. Yes, they have tantrums, etc. but never have I gone through all that I have with these 2 dcks.
Sorry, didn't mean to hijack the thread.

[deliberateliterate]

Ummm if one of these kids put their hands on me they would be gone that minute. I've done child care for over three decades and never ONCE had a kid get violent with me.

I'm not from the mindset that kids hit adults. If he hit me it would be clear he was out of his ever lovin mind.

Tell his parents to get him under control and get out now.

Would your answer change if the DCK in question was 18 months? I have a little bugger that I just can't get a handle on. I get kicked constantly when I'm trying to change his diaper, and he gets majorly ticked off if I don't actually let him kick me. If I pick him up to remove him from a situation, he'll try to hit me. I usually respond with an extreamly firm NO, while grabbing the offending hand. He is very agressive, and I'm all out of ideas.

He's part of a full time sibling set. Full time kids are almost impossible to find, so I'm just waiting it out, but I really just dread every morning with him :confused:

[daycarediva]

I'm not talking about disabilities, necessarily. I have had several very strong willed kids go through my program. They've certainly given me a run for my money, but they've never raised a hand or foot to me.

It seems as though the times I've heard of kids hitting caregivers, there is usually a lot more to the story - maybe they run the show at home and the parents let them/are intimidated by them or their behavior. Maybe hitting is how things are handled within the home. Maybe the caregiver's discipline methods are TOO gentle for that child. Perhaps there are spectrum issues or another diagnosis. Perhaps it's a combination of factors. I just know that I won't entertain that on my time.

Here's your standing ovation. WHY OH WHY is this now socially acceptable? I had a 4.5yo dcb throw a tantrum so severe (at home!) that the neighbors called the police and dcb threatened the officer who tried to speak to him! I REALLY feel that it's because Mom is too gentle. Everything is a choice, everything has a reward attached, everything is said in a sing song voice.

At his dads house and here? We don't play. "NO." said firmly, and a stern look stops him dead in his tracks. What he says about his mother? He has ZERO respect for her.

Um wow. For lack of better words, these aren't "off" behaviors. These are bratty behaviors of a child who is used to running the show and getting exactly what THEY want despite anyone else's feelings.

Sounds to me like they've never faced any type of rules or boundaries and when anyone attempts, they lash out because they aren't used to being told no. The lashing out works somewhere therefore, it's continued to be used as a method of gaining what they want.

Basically, they've never been taught no. In my opinion, it has nothing to do with maturity and everything to do with the parent and their willingness to set those boundaries and more importantly follow through with them.

Would your answer change if the DCK in question was 18 months? I have a little bugger that I just can't get a handle on. I get kicked constantly when I'm trying to change his diaper, and he gets majorly ticked off if I don't actually let him kick me. If I pick him up to remove him from a situation, he'll try to hit me. I usually respond with an extreamly firm NO, while grabbing the offending hand. He is very agressive, and I'm all out of ideas.

He's part of a full time sibling set. Full time kids are almost impossible to find, so I'm just waiting it out, but I really just dread every morning with him :confused:

What do the parents say? How does he behave at pick up and drop off? I would want a solid, age appropriate behavioral plan in place and see consistent improvement for him to stay. If you can't stop it at 18m, you won't be able to stop it at 2.5. These things don't improve unless something changes.

[Blackcat31]

I think part of it stems from going home and turning on screen time and leaving mom/dad alone. We rarely watch TV here so she has to find a way to cope with sharing time/space/toys/me with 5 other kids.
I remember dcm telling me about her ds, he was maybe 5 or a little older, he played one of those claw machines and ended up winning...nothing. He screamed and carried on like he was being tortured. Some kids are much more emotional than others and don't control their impulses very well. Those kids hate to lose so it's challenging to play any kind of competitive game. Yet, if they make up games, they'll always try to call out winners and losers(of course as soon as I see it happening, I end it, change directions, etc.). And the 4 yo dcg playing tag? Unreal. She loves to run and be chased but man, if you tag her, watch out.
Dcm talks with the kids, works things out, tries to reason with them, uses reward charts, things like that.

THIS ^^^ is the problem. Why are we (general we/society) praising and rewarding kids for doing the right thing. Shouldn't doing the right thing be reward enough?


Me? Sometimes, I have to admit, I don't have the time, energy or patience left for that so dcg gets told 'this is my rule' End of discussion.

THAT ^^^^ is the answer. How many times as a child (you) did you hear "Because I said so." or "Because I am the parent, that's why." ?

How many times do you think kids now days hear that?

Plus, I've found the more you reason with some kids, the more room it gives them for attempted manipulation. So those 2 siblings and I tend to butt heads more than usual. I look around at all the other dcks and have never seen these kinds of actions displayed. Yes, they have tantrums, etc. but never have I gone through all that I have with these 2 dcks.
Sorry, didn't mean to hijack the thread.

I replied in red above.

[Thriftylady]

I replied in red above.

I agree BC! My one SA DCB is so manipulative when he gets into trouble. He isn't a bad kid. But sometimes he (like all kids) does something he knows he isn't supposed to. He will say "but it was an accident" when I watched him do something on purpose. Or will argue "but what if..." I am guessing this must work at home, but not here. He got so mad the other day, sat and pouted until mom got here, because I wouldn't buy the accident thing after I watched him purposefully do something. That's okay, I let him pout.

[LovetheSun]

That's a good thing for his parents. Not so good for you. Are you saying that it would be hard to fill his slots?

I would not have an issue filling his spot. I am just worried that they will not find another Preschool/daycare since our area has a high demands and most places are full for years...

But now reading that this have NOT happen to most of you makes me worry even more! Thank you all for your inputs

[Josiegirl]

I agree with the parents' responsibility in all of this but when you think about it there can be so many reasons behind kids acting this way. Toxic stress happens more often in kids' lives as compared to when I was growing up. Changes in environment and food, activity levels, SAHM's compared to working outside the home moms, what's offered on TV now and what kids are allowed to watch, parenting styles...it seems like everything has changed for kids these days. Two working parents have tons to deal with(Not excusing them at all!!) and then they try to fit everything into a couple hours a night and weekends. It is a constant battle and parents are worn out, plus still trying to grab time for themselves.

And YES BC, I completely agree kids don't get told 'because I said so' anymore. A lot of that is the new age bullcrap rules. Choices, choices, choices, kids get too many of them before they're ready to handle them. Parents have become soft, confused and afraid of being firm with kids. It's not what we're supposed to do anymore. Authority figures have to tread carefully and lightly or they're the ones who get in trouble. AND the kids know this.

Oh I could go on and on. So many kids don't respect and appreciate others, they want more and more, they're not learning the value of anything. So how do we turn that all around in this new age, materialistic, disposable world?