Part Time Kiddos

[Unregistered]

Member but logged out just in case.

I am wondering how to proceed. Long read so thank you for taking the time.

Dcb is 2 yo and not verbal. A lot of babbling and is incoherant 80% of the time. He can rattle off colours and count to 10 but if you ask him a question he cannot respond and is not engaged. Background: centre care, was a biter there. I have the impression that discipline was not a big thing there.

He has been here for a month but is only PT so only 9 days so far.
He was here by himself for the first 3 weeks. Solo play is difficult for him. He does not (cannot?) follow instructions and will respond by laughing and doing the opposite, as if it is a game. Example, coming up for snack, let's go over to the table. He will run around as if I am going to catch him, laughing. Similar at bum changes, run and catch. I have been making eye contact, getting to his level, telling him "time for ____ " and guiding him to where he needs to be. No improvement. Somewhere he has learned that this is a game and frankly, I don't want to play it. Now I have a baby who started and less hands and he has gotten worse. He has no self help skills. Something just feels off.

Nap time yesterday was a disaster. Did not stay on his mat. Laughed when he was getting off. Spent an hour rinsing and repeating. I couldn't do anything but sit beside his mat and even that was ineffective. He normally does this for the first 15 minutes of rest but yesterday was continuous. I moved his mat beside me. I moved him to a different rest area.

He has thrown toys when angry. He has broken my door (similar reaction to a correction: laughing and then doing opposite). He pushed baby down yesterday. I know he has no impulse control but I don't know if he understands me when I am correcting him, kwim? I interact with the children, praise when he does what I ask him to, but just don't think I am getting through to him. I model proper behaviour, am firm and consistent, praise the good stuff. Le sigh.

Can this be fixed? Parents are doing time outs but I don't feel these work for this child. I don't know if they follow through immediately with him. Somedays he seems to understand, others he is a blank slate. Apparently he is not sleeping at home, which started right before he started care here (conveniently?), so I have nothing to compare it to.

I have a waiting list. With a mom who is very keen to get in here. She wants full time. My handbook states that FT trumps PT but that I will offer the PT kid first chance at full.

Can this be fixed or can I get out of this? I am technically still in a transition period for this child so could end contract anytime within the next two weeks. So while I would like to give this boy a chance, I do not want to miss out on a child that could be a better fit, kwim? So I am thinking he has 2 weeks to get with the program or forget it. Is that realistic?

I plan on talking to mom and dad over the weekend to tell them what I am observing, get their input, and see what they say. I almost feel like he needs his own adult and would be better off back in a centre.

[spedmommy4]

At two years old, a little one should be putting two words together and be approximately 75% intelligible. (To non family members) It sounds like this little one has some delays. When a little one is not talking, sometimes they also have difficulty understanding language. This is a huge contributor to behavior.

I have a part timer (Tuesday/Wednesday only) in my care who is really similar to the little one you describe. He came in with almost no language. He was hands on with all the kids, didn't follow any rules, and screamed every day at nap time. The first month was awful but he's one of my best behaved kids now.

Here's what I did . . With this family, I had an advantage because the mom was concerned about his language. I sat down with mom and gave her information about early intervention in our area. You don't mention where you are so I can't give you the info but Google "early intervention" and your county name and the information should come up. They can provide the mom with services for speech and, if the behavior if concerning enough, that as well. The services are all free and, in most areas, they'll even come to the childcare to give you ideas too.

I kept my language really simple, (2-3 words at most) used gestures, and talked about things only in context. For example, if I wanted him to lay down I said lay down and pointed to where I wanted him to lay down. In your case, it sounds like he's having a hard time falling asleep too.

To solve the problem, you need to know . . .
What is his usual rest time?
How do parents get him to sleep?

Some things to try are
Calming music at rest time
a heavier blanket can be calming for some kids
Do not change your routine. My little guy got up too. I just took him back to his cot and said nothing (a lot) He eventually got it

I can't advise you on your full time/part time dilemma but, whatever you decide to do I would let the mom know there are resources available for her little one. I write a lot about challenging early childhood behavior and you may find more helpful information on my blog, the link is in my profile if you need more resources.

[Unregistered]

At two years old, a little one should be putting two words together and be approximately 75% intelligible. (To non family members) It sounds like this little one has some delays. When a little one is not talking, sometimes they also have difficulty understanding language. This is a huge contributor to behavior.

I have a part timer (Tuesday/Wednesday only) in my care who is really similar to the little one you describe. He came in with almost no language. He was hands on with all the kids, didn't follow any rules, and screamed every day at nap time. The first month was awful but he's one of my best behaved kids now.

Here's what I did . . With this family, I had an advantage because the mom was concerned about his language. I sat down with mom and gave her information about early intervention in our area. You don't mention where you are so I can't give you the info but Google "early intervention" and your county name and the information should come up. They can provide the mom with services for speech and, if the behavior if concerning enough, that as well. The services are all free and, in most areas, they'll even come to the childcare to give you ideas too.

I kept my language really simple, (2-3 words at most) used gestures, and talked about things only in context. For example, if I wanted him to lay down I said lay down and pointed to where I wanted him to lay down. In your case, it sounds like he's having a hard time falling asleep too.

To solve the problem, you need to know . . .
What is his usual rest time?
How do parents get him to sleep?

Some things to try are
Calming music at rest time
a heavier blanket can be calming for some kids
Do not change your routine. My little guy got up too. I just took him back to his cot and said nothing (a lot) He eventually got it

I can't advise you on your full time/part time dilemma but, whatever you decide to do I would let the mom know there are resources available for her little one. I write a lot about challenging early childhood behavior and you may find more helpful information on my blog, the link is in my profile if you need more resources.

Thank you.

I will be chatting with parents this weekend. He has been here for 4 weeks and while he improved a little over the first few weeks, he seems to have plateaued to where we are.

Parents have not expressed any concerns about his language other than that they have noticed he is not speaking very much yet. I don't know anything about early intervention in our area and not sure if they would be receptive to my suggestion about it. They do have a pediatrician so I could suggest they talk to him/her.

Nap time I am comfortable dealing with. I do much of the above suggestions (audio stories, blankets, snuggle toy, same spot, same time home and here, etc)

I really am wanting to get his run and catch game under control as he needs to be physically led to where our next activity is. If I do not have his hand, he will run. I do expect the children to be orderly when going up and down the stairs and to head directly to the table, or directly to the back door to get ready for outside. Not taking off and running down my hall, or doing laps through the house. I am frustrated with this and while I have been dealing by ensuring gates are closed and holding his hand, if given the opportunity he will then run to hide, or evade me, or climb on furniture and jump and laugh. If I guide him to the table and let go of his hand, he will run. I need to guide him to the table and place him in his seat immediately. I have had to change his booster seat so that he is secure (and safe) at the table as he will try to get out of his seat. If I guide him to the door to put his clothes on for outside, turn to help another child, he will run away. Obviously, I cannot hold his hand all day. I need to by hyper vigilant with him.

This was the exact behaviour (not listening to directions and staying in area) that I saw during the interview and was concerned about. Mom described him as "crafty" during my follow up talk on discipline and behaviour.

I cannot do this anymore as I have younger ones. I guess I feel that he knows our routine as I am very consistent and firm and use verbal directions along with guidance to demonstrate what he needs to be doing. He now has friends here that are showing him what we are to be doing.

"The first month was awful but he's one of my best behaved kids now."

He's been here a month. He is much better than when he started but I wouldn't describe him as behaved. After 4 weeks I would have wanted some improvement and to have caught on to what the routines are. Does that make sense? Or are my expectations too high?

[Shell]

Honestly, I wouldn't get into a discussion with the parents at all. You are still in your trial period, right?! I would term and take the next family.
I dealt with a child with similar behaviors and it was a lot of work and an ungrateful dcm. Would I do it again? No way.

[childcaremom]

Honestly, I wouldn't get into a discussion with the parents at all. You are still in your trial period, right?! I would term and take the next family.
I dealt with a child with similar behaviors and it was a lot of work and an ungrateful dcm. Would I do it again? No way.

This is what I am leaning towards.

How would you word it? No explanation? Not a good fit?

I've emailed mom before (a week ago) where I mentioned that he seems to be settling in well but still needs reminders and is testing a few rules. Then told them about the patio door. Now nap disruptions and challenging behaviours yesterday. And his behaviour is no longer improving. I think this is as good as it gets.

I guess I feel awkward terming without any explanation whatsoever after it seemed like he was adjusting. Now he has plateaued and not where I expect him to be.

I was thinking of chatting about my general concerns this weekend, giving it another week, and if no improvement, terming at the end of next week.

[spedmommy4]

When a little one has delays, and it seems like this one does, behaviors can get intense. If you feel like the parents would not be receptive to early intervention, and you are going to term, I would definitely give them the information. (Xyz are my concerns, here is a resource that can help) My own daughter was kicked out of a few preschools before I used the information one of them gave me to access services. Speaking as a mom, I don't think anyone wants to hear it but I am glad I had the information when I was ready.

[Blackcat31]

This is what I am leaning towards.

How would you word it? No explanation? Not a good fit?

I've emailed mom before (a week ago) where I mentioned that he seems to be settling in well but still needs reminders and is testing a few rules. Then told them about the patio door. Now nap disruptions and challenging behaviours yesterday. And his behaviour is no longer improving. I think this is as good as it gets.

I guess I feel awkward terming without any explanation whatsoever after it seemed like he was adjusting. Now he has plateaued and not where I expect him to be.

I was thinking of chatting about my general concerns this weekend, giving it another week, and if no improvement, terming at the end of next week.

I think it's admiral you want to try another week but honestly I don't think those issues are going to be "fixed" in a weeks time.

Part of me thinks that his part time schedule might be part of it (not fitting into the daily consistent routine...etc) but at the same time do you really want to go full time with a kid that is sooooo difficult?

Honestly if I had other kids waiting, I'd term. I probably wouldn't have the first 10 years I did this but I'm old. I don't want to play these games anymore and I don't want to fix anyone else child nor do I want to devote more time/energy to a kid than the parent does... so I would term and fill with the next best fit family.

As for what to say in the term letter....yes, "Not a good fit"

I would say that after the last few weeks with no marked improvement you feel it's best to term because he is not a good fit. He requires a smaller group with more one on one.

It's the truth.

Most parents are hurt but if you have discussed the child's behaviors with the parents before, they won't be shocked.


Hang in there...whatever decision you make.

It's hard but I believe that once we (providers) begin to even think "should I term?" then it's usually MORE than time as we tend to make things seem less difficult than they really are.

....after a tough kid is gone most of us breath a sigh of relief and go "Wow, I didn't realize it was that bad "

[Sugar Magnolia]

Waiting list? I'd term if things don't improve quickly. Especially after a broken door....

[childcaremom]

I think it's admiral you want to try another week but honestly I don't think those issues are going to be "fixed" in a weeks time.

I don't think so, either

Part of me thinks that his part time schedule might be part of it (not fitting into the daily consistent routine...etc) but at the same time do you really want to go full time with a kid that is sooooo difficult?

No.

Honestly if I had other kids waiting, I'd term. I probably wouldn't have the first 10 years I did this but I'm old. I don't want to play these games anymore and I don't want to fix anyone else child nor do I want to devote more time/energy to a kid than the parent does... so I would term and fill with the next best fit family.

When I reopened I told myself I wouldn't let myself get into this situation again, and yet, here I am

So.... the letter. Ideas?

Dear dcp,

I am no longer able to provide care for dcb. With a chance to review dcb's adjustment over the past few weeks, I feel that my program is not a good fit and he would be happier in a smaller group where there was more one on one with an adult.

Sincerely,
Relieved provider

I am a small group (4 kids) so not too sure what else to tell them?

[childcaremom]

Okay. So he will not stay on the mat and is screaming intermittingly. So barring a call for immediate pick up, I will be terming at pick up.

This is what I have written:

Dear DCP

I am no longer able to provide care for dcb, effective immediately. I do not feel my program is a good fit for dcb.
With a chance to review his behaviour over the transition period, I feel he would be better suited in a program where he has the opportunity for more one on one.
I have included a final receipt for tuition monies paid.

Sincerely
Me

[Blackcat31]

Okay. So he will not stay on the mat and is screaming intermittingly. So barring a call for immediate pick up, I will be terming at pick up.

This is what I have written:

Dear DCP

I am no longer able to provide care for dcb, effective immediately. I do not feel my program is a good fit for dcb.
With a chance to review his behaviour over the transition period, I feel he would be better suited in a program where he has the opportunity for more one on one.
I have included a final receipt for tuition monies paid.

Sincerely
Me

Perfect.

[Annalee]

I would say " dcb is not a good fit for your program, not that you are not a good fit for him"....

[childcaremom]

Thanks

So... what should I say when I hand them the letter?

I'm sorry but I no longer will be able to provide care for dcb? Please read the letter and let me know if you have any other questions.

If he asks questions? Wants specifics? I think I will write down a few examples from today on his daily sheet and tell dcd to refer to that.

[Annalee]

Thanks

So... what should I say when I hand them the letter?

I'm sorry but I no longer will be able to provide care for dcb? Please read the letter and let me know if you have any other questions.

If he asks questions? Wants specifics? I think I will write down a few examples from today on his daily sheet and tell dcd to refer to that.

Nip it, non-negotiably. "dcb is not a good fit for my child care program, here are a list of child care facilities you may visit for future child care....thanks!"

[Shell]

Just remember parents don't like to have their provider break up with them, and this will be the second break up for them after the center termed them, and they will probably be upset.

I like your letter, and I would just let them know that you have already discussed the behaviors, you aren't seeing any adjustments, and since you are within your trial period, you feel it's in dcb's best interests to find a smaller program.

No further explanation needed.