Need Advice about a 3 1/2 Year Old and Bad Behavior

[sahm1225]

I have had dcg since she was 1.

I am at a loss with how to handle her behavior. She will do things that she knows she shouldn't (like this week, it's spitting) and then lie and say she didn't. The spitting is really getting under my skin and I explained to her that if I see her spit, she will get an instant time out. She's done it twice today right in front of me, but she doesn't think I am looking and both times when I say "Instant time out" she will say "Why? I wasn't spitting."

I have mentioned to the parents before about her behavior and they shrug it off and say things like "Well, she's fine at home". Or even better, dcg will interrupt while we are talking and say things like "I SAID it's time to go home now" and the parents stop mid conversation and say "Oh, I guess dcg wants to go home now"

I just need tips from seasoned providers. I don't want to term, but I want for her to understand that lying is not acceptable.

I'm worried she might have some issues with comprehension. I will tell her to take a break when she is not listening (they will read a book and then come back to the group when they are done). About 50% of the time she will look at the book and rejoin the group when she's done. The other 50% she will just sit there and when I ask her to rejoin she will reply with "But I'm in trouble and you won't let me play with my friends".

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I have found that when the parents are NOT on board then the behavior will not stop (if I have exhausted all avenues of correction myself without their assistance).

3.5 is definitely old enough to make the connection between spitting equals time out. I would point to time out and not say a word. No engagement, no interaction, just pointing to time out. Praise the good behaviors and hopefully this will just be a phase.....

[sahm1225]

Entropy, I haven't seen you around in a while, hope you've been okay!


She has some other odd behavior & I just can't tell if there's actually a comprehension problem or if it's lack of parenting. Grandma picked up today & said they are having problems with spitting too. I will talk to Dcd in the morning which I'm sure will say it's not a problem at all (well of course it's not a problem, when you dont bother to correct her!)

I tried the pointing to time out and she mumbled the whole walk there how she wasn't spitting. Thanks for the tip!

[alicia@home]

smarty?

I have a 3.5 year old who doesn't have consistent behavior problems like that, but when he does act up and thinks he can explain his way out of it or lie, he will try.

I actually think it's because he is smart, not that he does not comprehend the rules.

[Leigh]

I have had dcg since she was 1.

I am at a loss with how to handle her behavior. She will do things that she knows she shouldn't (like this week, it's spitting) and then lie and say she didn't. The spitting is really getting under my skin and I explained to her that if I see her spit, she will get an instant time out. She's done it twice today right in front of me, but she doesn't think I am looking and both times when I say "Instant time out" she will say "Why? I wasn't spitting."

I have mentioned to the parents before about her behavior and they shrug it off and say things like "Well, she's fine at home". Or even better, dcg will interrupt while we are talking and say things like "I SAID it's time to go home now" Right there, I'd interrupt DCG and tell her that grown ups are talking and she will go home when grown ups are done. Then tell her to go sit down/go play/go away!and the parents stop mid conversation and say "Oh, I guess dcg wants to go home now"

I just need tips from seasoned providers. I don't want to term, but I want for her to understand that lying is not acceptable.

I'm worried she might have some issues with comprehension. I will tell her to take a break when she is not listening (they will read a book and then come back to the group when they are done). About 50% of the time she will look at the book and rejoin the group when she's done. The other 50% she will just sit there and when I ask her to rejoin she will reply with "But I'm in trouble and you won't let me play with my friends".

3-1/2 is old enough to not spit. Do you have hard floors? I had a spitter (ODD & ADHD nightmare child). Every time he spit, I got him a damp cloth and he cleaned the ENTIRE floor. Every.single.time. I told him that spitting is unsanitary, and that it needs to be cleaned up. It took a couple of weeks, but the spitting stopped.

[sahm1225]

I will try that. Im usually so shocked at how flustered Dcd gets that I don't know what to do. Dcg used to make Dcd put her shoes on until I told her 'no, you've done in 3x today, you can do it'. Then the Dcd gets flustered and Tells her that if she needs help, he can help. So, I've decided to make myself busy during pick ups & drop offs and keep them short.

I decided to start something new with Her today and go out of my way to recognize all the good behaviors. I asked her to be my helper with some tasks and she's been good today (no spitting, still working on the talking back though).

I have carpet. I usually give her a baby wipe and make her clean it. She will clean it, but mumbling to herself the whole time about how she didn't spit.

[Unregistered]

I would put her in time out for spitting, then take her out and say 'no spiiting'. Then I would put her back in time out for lying and say 'no lying' when she got out.
Spitting then lying about is not ok and she KNOWS she is doing it.

Also when dcd or dcm says well it doesn't happen at home I would say we it happens here and we need to deal with it together. Maybe they can take away privileges like tv time, make her go to bed early or something at home when you give a bad report.

[Unregistered]

I will try that. Im usually so shocked at how flustered Dcd gets that I don't know what to do. Dcg used to make Dcd put her shoes on until I told her 'no, you've done in 3x today, you can do it'. Then the Dcd gets flustered and Tells her that if she needs help, he can help. So, I've decided to make myself busy during pick ups & drop offs and keep them short.

I had this happen and now I have dcg get ready 5 minutes early so I know she does it by herself. Drives me crazy when parents don't let them figure it out.