I'm Not Even Sure What to Think or Do

[Laura5287]

Well, I know what to do. It's just that I haven't. For many reasons...
Today, dcm text me to ask if I would be able to take 5 year old on days off and summers. I told her that since he is going to kindergarten I need to fill some spots and if I had a spot then yes, but I may not be able to take him. Depending on how many kids I have. She texts back saying they should look somewhere else then right? I said probably since I can't guarentee a spot. I was thinking of them. Nothing else. I didn't want to put them in a spot of not having childcare when they needed it. I didn't want to save a space for a once in a while child versus a full time. I told her that. It is a business.
So, she goes to the other dcm, who works with her, and says that she doesn't understand why dck is not good enough and was crying.
Here we go again with all the drama about me playing favorites. It is ridiculous. So, it gets better. I call my husband to talk to him about it. He tells me that I sounded harsh and then he says that if he was them he would tell me to kiss their a##. I am not sure what I said that would get this kind of reaction. I am tired of being a nice person. UGH!!

[Thriftylady]

Wow, you have some parents who I would hate to work with. Any chance you can just replace them all?

[Gemma]

Well, I know what to do. It's just that I haven't. For many reasons...
Today, dcm text me to ask if I would be able to take 5 year old on days off and summers. I told her that since he is going to kindergarten I need to fill some spots and if I had a spot then yes, but I may not be able to take him. Depending on how many kids I have. She texts back saying they should look somewhere else then right? I said probably since I can't guarentee a spot. I was thinking of them. Nothing else. I didn't want to put them in a spot of not having childcare when they needed it. I didn't want to save a space for a once in a while child versus a full time. I told her that. It is a business.
So, she goes to the other dcm, who works with her, and says that she doesn't understand why dck is not good enough and was crying.
Here we go again with all the drama about me playing favorites. It is ridiculous. So, it gets better. I call my husband to talk to him about it. He tells me that I sounded harsh and then he says that if he was them he would tell me to kiss their a##. I am not sure what I said that would get this kind of reaction. I am tired of being a nice person. UGH!!

I wouldn't have called the husband and I would've ignored the fact that dcm went to other dcm... you told her how things are and there is nothing wrong with what you said, if dcm wants to look elsewhere let her, you don't need her drama!:hug:

[Thriftylady]

I wouldn't have called the husband and I would've ignored the fact that dcm went to other dcm... you told her how things are and there is nothing wrong with what you said, if dcm wants to look elsewhere let her, you don't need her drama!:hug:

I agree if my husband acted that way about my running of my business, I wouldn't even discuss it with him.

[Laura5287]

Not happy with him today either.

[Thriftylady]

I'm sure you are not. And from the outside looking in, he is wrong .

[Gemma]

Not happy with him today either.

I wish you could find some peace :hug:

[Blackcat31]

Well, I know what to do. It's just that I haven't. For many reasons...
Today, dcm text me to ask if I would be able to take 5 year old on days off and summers. I told her that since he is going to kindergarten I need to fill some spots and if I had a spot then yes, but I may not be able to take him. Depending on how many kids I have. She texts back saying they should look somewhere else then right? I said probably since I can't guarentee a spot. I was thinking of them. Nothing else. I didn't want to put them in a spot of not having childcare when they needed it. I didn't want to save a space for a once in a while child versus a full time. I told her that. It is a business.
So, she goes to the other dcm, who works with her, and says that she doesn't understand why dck is not good enough and was crying.
Here we go again with all the drama about me playing favorites. It is ridiculous. So, it gets better. I call my husband to talk to him about it. He tells me that I sounded harsh and then he says that if he was them he would tell me to kiss their a##. I am not sure what I said that would get this kind of reaction. I am tired of being a nice person. UGH!!

You should simply have answered:

"Yes, DCM IF I have the availability I would love to take him on his days off but please remember that unless a spot is guaranteed via payment space won't always be available so please make sure you have back up."

That allows DCM to make her own decision about HER family and allows you to maintain a fully functioning (income making) business.

You are right about being too nice.... It's awesome to be nice and I am sure your parents appreciate it but when being nice takes from you (income, clients, happy feelings) then its not so nice...kwim?

#1 way to address this is to never assume responsibility for something that is not your responsibility.

DCM was trying to address her needs (care for her DS on off days) and you were under NO obligation to fix that issue for her other than to let her know what you could (take him IF you have space) or couldn't (not take him) do.

As for DCM's comments to the other mom about her child not being good enough...I'd address that at pick up as that is not fair she is trying to make this about something it isn't.

If you are open to it, tell her you will save every off/no school day for her son for $X per week. HER choice to accept or decline. Easy peasy and no hard feelings.

[hope]

You were being nice. The dc family must have their own personal issues if they take a simple answer to their question so personally.
You run a business. The dc family wouldn't have liked any answer that didn't give them what they wanted which was care for their child in your home. Doesn't work for you but doea for them.
You tried to vent with your DH and expected some validation and instead he was harsh. DH doesn't work this business amd probably thinks like a dc family. Don't take it personal. He just doesn't understand.
Sorry. After working in this for a while it seems like many people just s**k. Don't let them get to you.

[Unregistered]

Sorry it's been a rough day for you. I'm in that situation, too. I'm losing 3 to full time kindergarten in the fall. All want before / after school and school breaks. I told them all what you did - this is a business for me. I can't hold a spot for occasional care. I did tell them all they are welcome to pay for a full time spot and I won't need to fill it. 😊 One family said yes, the other 2 are done next month. You aren't mean!

[Heidi]

I had the same problem last year. DCM was a substitute with a 4 month old. I told her I'd take her when I could, but if I filled my spots, there would be times when I didn't have room.

First month went fine, but then I filled an opening, and there were a few times I had to say no. I WARNED her multiple times, and lo-and-behold, the crying began. "You're keeping me from working". After too much of that drama, I said she should probably find someone else, since I couldn't really accommodate her enough. That meant (to her) that I'd "kicked her out", which of course, she told the whole town.

Ironically, the child that took that spot (full time) was her best friend's child (the one she'd referred to me). Her best friend, who couldn't do the math (apparently), said she "could see both sides of it".

That was the baby I termed after a month because of the parents. Dad would write me 3 page notes on how to care for their child (with all of 3 months experience compared to my 24 years), and they thought I was overfeeding their child (every 4 hours) because she nursed all evening long?

[Laura5287]

I have exactly the same things you all have suggested all except the pay for the spot. All I can think of is who would do that? I know they wouldn't be able to do that so I didn't mention it. I guess I could tonight. I think if she comes in with an attitude I will request a meeting with her and her husband and get everything out in the open. Something has to be done. She is really going to have a hard time when he starts school.

[Heidi]

I have exactly the same things you all have suggested all except the pay for the spot. All I can think of is who would do that? I know they wouldn't be able to do that so I didn't mention it. I guess I could tonight. I think if she comes in with an attitude I will request a meeting with her and her husband and get everything out in the open. Something has to be done. She is really going to have a hard time when he starts school.

No kidding!

Laura, don't let this woman's drama guilt you. You are good to her child, and she is an attention seeker. Nothing to feel guilty about. In fact, I wouldn't even wait for the attitude. I'd simply tell her that there's clearly been some communication issues, and you'd like to sit down with them to discuss a few things.

[Rockgirl]

I have exactly the same things you all have suggested all except the pay for the spot. All I can think of is who would do that? I know they wouldn't be able to do that so I didn't mention it.

Most people wouldn't do it, but when it's presented to them that way, it puts the ball in their court. It is up to them whether to pay for the spot, or take their chances of no availability. We know that's what you meant anyway, but parents don't always think like us. Sorry dcm is causing drama.

[Crazy8]

I wouldn't have a meeting with them and I wouldn't wait for an attitude either. I would simply say at pick up that I guess my messages were misunderstood, that can happen with texting sometimes and would simply explain that you would love to be able to care for dcb on his days off from school but at this time you do not know what your availablility will look like for Fall since you have openings to try to fill, and that unless she'd like to continue to pay full time tuition you can not guarantee a spot will be available for him and that it is best that she look for other options.

Of course she will probably look at you like you have 3 heads and say something like "why would I pay for a full time spot for him when he will only need care 1-2 days a month" and you can reply with "why would I hold a full time spot open without payment for a child who will only need care 1-2 days a month". ::