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I have a dcb who is almost exactly the same age as my son (both 3y.o.). They fight constantly. Dcb wants to be in control always and is typically the instigator, but ds has started egging him on as well and sometimes gets so frustrated that he hits or stiffens his body and yells. 
Not at all pleasant for anyone. Dcb is pretty moody and bounces between being pleasant and being angry all day long. He says things like, "Don't look at me," "I'm not going to play with you," "You're doing it wrong," etc. If we are looking at a book together and ds is talking or asking a question about the page, dcb will cover the page with his hand and interrupt or just make rude noises to keep ds from finishing his sentence. Ds has never behaved this way before, but I'm noticing that he copies a lot of these behaviors now with this boy in particular. If dcb is getting on his nerves, ds will stare at him and say, "I'm looking at you," just because he knows it annoys dcb. Also, if they're spatting, dcb will ask ds , "Are you going to follow me?" or "Are you going to look at me?" Then if ds answers "yes" dcb will cry to me, "Ds said he's going to follow me!" This type of thing happens frequently throughout the day. I'm so frustrated with this behavior and the stress caused from the fighting between them.
As far as how I handle it goes, I attempt to separate them when this behavior starts, but they glare at each other from across the room. Today when they started spatting over the book, I shut it and refused to finish reading while explaining that it's no fun to read together if we're going to fight the whole time. I separate them during meal times and encourage them to go play with separate activities, but they want to play together, if you can even call it playing.
Ds will find something else to do like coloring at the table to calm down. Dcb then asks to go color too, but he never ever actually colors. He just sits there and says things under his breath that make ds cry. I finally figured out that's what he is doing today b/c I heard him whispering. He usually does it quietly and then I can't figure out why ds is crying. Of course, now ds is taking it to the extreme by hitting him if he gets too close saying, "He was in my personal space."
How would you handle this behavior? I don't want to term. I just want to find a reasonable solution. I feel like I need to tell dcb to go play and leave ds alone and honestly, if it was another dck I would, but I'm afraid that its going to look like I'm favoring my child. What solutions can you think of for curbing this behavior? Would it be fair to read to ds and make dcb go play if he can't sit nicely with us?
Not at all pleasant for anyone. Dcb is pretty moody and bounces between being pleasant and being angry all day long. He says things like, "Don't look at me," "I'm not going to play with you," "You're doing it wrong," etc. If we are looking at a book together and ds is talking or asking a question about the page, dcb will cover the page with his hand and interrupt or just make rude noises to keep ds from finishing his sentence. Ds has never behaved this way before, but I'm noticing that he copies a lot of these behaviors now with this boy in particular. If dcb is getting on his nerves, ds will stare at him and say, "I'm looking at you," just because he knows it annoys dcb. Also, if they're spatting, dcb will ask ds , "Are you going to follow me?" or "Are you going to look at me?" Then if ds answers "yes" dcb will cry to me, "Ds said he's going to follow me!" This type of thing happens frequently throughout the day. I'm so frustrated with this behavior and the stress caused from the fighting between them. As far as how I handle it goes, I attempt to separate them when this behavior starts, but they glare at each other from across the room. Today when they started spatting over the book, I shut it and refused to finish reading while explaining that it's no fun to read together if we're going to fight the whole time. I separate them during meal times and encourage them to go play with separate activities, but they want to play together, if you can even call it playing.
Ds will find something else to do like coloring at the table to calm down. Dcb then asks to go color too, but he never ever actually colors. He just sits there and says things under his breath that make ds cry. I finally figured out that's what he is doing today b/c I heard him whispering. He usually does it quietly and then I can't figure out why ds is crying. Of course, now ds is taking it to the extreme by hitting him if he gets too close saying, "He was in my personal space."
How would you handle this behavior? I don't want to term. I just want to find a reasonable solution. I feel like I need to tell dcb to go play and leave ds alone and honestly, if it was another dck I would, but I'm afraid that its going to look like I'm favoring my child. What solutions can you think of for curbing this behavior? Would it be fair to read to ds and make dcb go play if he can't sit nicely with us?
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