When Parents Think You're Their Best Friend

[Gemma]

How do you, without offending, explain to a parent that you are not their friend, you provide care for their child because they pay you for it, and once the business relationship ends, you wish never to see either one of them again?::

I must add: I've never seen this family before I enrolled the child, but DCD works for DH so DCM feels we too should be closer!...not happening!:dislike:

[Laurel]

How do you, without offending, explain to a parent that you are not their friend, you provide care for their child because they pay you for it, and once the business relationship ends, you wish never to see either one of them again?::

I must add: I've never seen this family before I enrolled the child, but DCD works for DH so DCM feels we too should be closer!...not happening!:dislike:

Yuck, I hate that too. I had one once who wanted to tell me all of her personal problems and then when she left would call me. I just stopped answering her calls.

I don't know what to tell you really. Maybe just be preoccupied when she starts talking about personal things or tell her nicely that you don't feel like discussing such and such issue. If she invites you out and you don't want to go just tell her that you have made a strict policy on not making friends with daycare parents as it has come back to bite you in the past (whether it has or not). Once friends, they expect more 'special'.

Laurel

[Blackcat31]

How do you, without offending, explain to a parent that you are not their friend, you provide care for their child because they pay you for it, and once the business relationship ends, you wish never to see either one of them again?::

I must add: I've never seen this family before I enrolled the child, but DCD works for DH so DCM feels we too should be closer!...not happening!:dislike:

I am very business and notsomuch personal so this is an area that I have a pretty thick/heavy line drawn.

I have a blurb in my handbook that says:

"Because your child's welfare is so important, my closeness and nurturing of your child can create a sense of intimacy between us that makes our relationship feel more like a friendship rather than that of business partners.

While this is ideal, it is not the case and well-defined boundaries are necessary and are outlined within this handbook.

Together, we share a responsibility for the health, safety and well-being of your child. While your child is in my home, I will love, nurture and protect them."


....and I guess the rest gets "said" via my behavior.

There are several clients I would probably be friends with had we met under different circumstances and there are a few that I have gotten to be friends with AFTER our business relationship ended but to be truthful and embarrassingly honest...I don't want to be friends with most of my clients.

My age and spot in life does not coincide with where they are and I don't really see the benefit as adding friendship to the business relationship seems to always cloud it in some manner or another and I just don't have time for that....

[Gemma]

Thank you guys for your replylovethis

I haven't gone to any of the things she invited me to, I told her on several occasions I don't mix work and pleasure, she still plans for her and I to go --- and do..., hangs around for ever at drop off/pick up, insisting on chatting about people I've never even met...she e-mails me pics of her kid (I take my own), she texts me everything the kid does on weekends....

I would like her to understand, 5 days a week with dck are enough, I would like to not have to think about dcks at least on the weekend, but I guess there's just no nice way to say this to a dcp

[Blackcat31]

Thank you guys for your replylovethis

I haven't gone to any of the things she invited me to, I told her on several occasions I don't mix work and pleasure, she still plans for her and I to go --- and do..., hangs around for ever at drop off/pick up, insisting on chatting about people I've never even met...she e-mails me pics of her kid (I take my own), she texts me everything the kid does on weekends....

I would like her to understand, 5 days a week with dck are enough, I would like to not have to think about dcks at least on the weekend, but I guess there's just no nice way to say this to a dcp

Then don't say it, show her instead.

Continue to decline her invites, ignore her e-mails and texts and calls unless they occur during business hours and ANY time she tries to sit and chat about things that have nothing to do with your work and the care of her child, change the subject.

Eventually she WILL get the hint.

[Gemma]

Then don't say it, show her instead.

, ignore her e-mails and texts and calls unless they occur during business hours

That I haven't tried yet! Thanks, BC:hug:

[Blackcat31]

That I haven't tried yet! Thanks, BC:hug:

...if she ever asks or mention it, say something like
"In order to cut back on work related stress I only address client contact during business hours. ANY off time is my family's private time, I'm sure you understand."

99.9% of them "get it" after that.

[KIDZRMYBIZ]

This from someone who fears offending clients by being direct or seeming too impersonal:

IME, they usually take the hint if you do not reply at all to any calls/texts/emails outside your daycare hours. The next day at drop-off, you just say, "I saw that, but I was with my family and not able to respond." After a couple times, half dozen at the most, it sinks in.

To invites, a simply vague "I'm sorry, I won't be able to" is all that's necessary. If she persists, then it's "I already have plans with my family." After a few times, the invitations dry up.

I am a very friendly person, so often at drop-off/pick-ups the conversation steers away from their kid, so then I suddenly am preoccupied with another child over anything, and they take the cue to leave.

[Unregistered]

I put my phone on silent after hours and don't respond regardless of the issue until 730 the next morning.

I would just stop responding, especially on the weekends, and always be busy or have plans when she invites you somewhere. Eventually she will get the hint!

[Gemma]

Thanks everyone for all your advises, I'm starting tonight at pick up

I'm going to use on her, the same "ignore button" I use on the kids

[DaveA]

Continue to decline her invites, ignore her e-mails and texts and calls unless they occur during business hours and ANY time she tries to sit and chat about things that have nothing to do with your work and the care of her child, change the subject.

Eventually she WILL get the hint.

This. I tell parents that this job invades my home & family life as it is and if I don't draw hard and fast lines it would be really unfair to my wife and children. If they question that I explain the one time I ignored that and my wife and I hung out with DCPs the DCM tried to arrange a "playdate" between the four of us. That usually shuts them up PDQ

[Unregistered]

I'm one who really enjoys my parents! I've even made life long friends with some. Now that I'm older and the moms are closer to my grown childrens' age we don't become friends outside of child care, but I do spend time each day chatting with them. They are part of my social outlet and I really enjoy them.

[Gemma]

I'm one who really enjoys my parents! I've even made life long friends with some. Now that I'm older and the moms are closer to my grown childrens' age we don't become friends outside of child care, but I do spend time each day chatting with them. They are part of my social outlet and I really enjoy them.

I see what you mean, and it would be great to be able to carry on friendship, and business, but in this case, it happens to be the kind of person that would make herself way too comfortable in my house, she expects favors, as is!
....not to mention after 11hrs of dealing with dck's worst behavior of the group, I wish she'd just get her kid and go, instead of hanging around 20- 30 minutes insisting on chatting (about things I couldn't care less about), while dck is throwing yet another fit trying to get her attention!
All other parents know I do not allow lingering pick up/drop off, if dcks are displaying behavior issues....at the end of the day, I've had enough of that and they all get it!...all except her, cause she thinks we're "friends"