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To Term or Not To Term
I have 4 year old little girl who has been in my care for about 5 months, she throws raging temper tantrums when she does not get her way, screaming, spitting, hitting the walls. I have tried everything, I give her a place to "let out her feelings out" out of sight from the other kids, I tell her she can spit in the toilet tell she feels better but she continues to scream and throw things while spitting everywhere. When she is calm I very kindly and firmly have her clean up the mess she has made. I have a few rules in my daycare it's pretty simple if you hurt another child it's a time out, everything else I do redirection and behavior modeling. Anyhow I have talked to her parents many times and they are so "shocked" that there little angel would behave that way as they bribe her with toys and gifts to get her in and out of my house every day. This child runs her parents house and she knows it, and even though I am firm with her she loves being here and she loves me, but I have had enough the stress has made me develop an eye twitch for Pete's sake! The kicker is we might be moving in 6 months so I was trying to stick it out rather then have a new family only to tell them were leaving but I think need to do what's best for my family and my sanity. And who know maybe my husband won't get the out of state job. Is it Friday yet?!
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I have dealt with kids like that before, and it is NOT NOT NOT worth "working on it". Just hand them a term letter along with a card for a good child psychiatrist (I am serious-the child should have a psych eval). -
I don't have the gumption to recommend a psych eval but I'm definitely working on the wording for a "nice" term letter after I fill his spot!Comment
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Another option is to give mom a time limit. If things don't improve in two weeks (or however long you want), then you'll have no choice but to term. I did this with a non napping baby and magically he started napping. Their schedule at home was to blame. Maybe parents know they are being lazy with discipline at home and just won't change things until they have to.
Not to say you have to but sometimes an ultimatum works. Stated nicely, with concern, of course.
LaurelComment
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I am with Leigh on this one. I wouldn't be willing to give mom any type of time limit as it's clear that their child's anger is based on the fact that they have created a mess by bribing their child to anything and without any type of reward, she is showing you that she does not like doing things without some type of payout. She is clearly unable to manage that frustration.....which again is created and reinforced by the parent.
Kids at that age with that much physical aggression and anger need more than a two week "fix it by xx date" ultimatum.
Child needs an eval for sure!
I'm sorry but you don't have sugar coat anything. Nice is not what this family needs. They NEED to hear the words:
DCP
I am terminating our contract agreement for child care services. This is effective as of xx date. At this time I am unable to manage the emotional and aggressive outbreaks your child is exhibiting while in my care. I do not feel that my program is a good fit for her at this time.
Sincerely
Provider
You won't be doing them or the child any favors if you sugar coat why you are terming. They need to get the child some help if she is that angry at such a young age. Its frightening the aggressive and anger based outrages I've seen in young kids these last few years. Most times (not all) it seems it's rooted in a parenting style....usually the "no cry" type parent.
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I agree about not sugar coating it. You don't have to go into details, but I think it is better to let them know that the reason you are terming is because the behavior of the child is NOT normal or acceptable and you will not continue to deal with it any longer. Who cares if they get mad? They need to get mad and be forced to deal with the issue, not put it off on you.Comment
.....along with a card for a good child psychiatrist.....love it! :
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