DKP Who Smoke

[mainegal]

Hi Ladies! I'm new to the forum, but love it already! I have a small home childcare while I'm taking a few years off from teaching to be home with my littlest ones. One of my families is comprised of both parents who are very heavy smokers.

It's bad enough that they come into my house reeking of smoke, but the items they bring in for their children smell of smoke, too. They bring their own drinks (their choice, not mine) in sippy cups that they pack in a lunch tote. Whenever I unzip the tote, I swear to you a cloud of smoke escapes! I often have to hang the kids' jackets and blankets outside to air out (and get the smell out of the house). Each day, after I open the lunch tote, I quickly take out the sippy cups and put them in the fridge before I bring the lunch tote outside to air out all day.

Would you do or say anything about this???

What makes this situation even sadder for me is that one of the boys has developed asthma. Mom's answer was 'Well, it runs in our family.' I tried to carefully suggest he might be 'allergic' to cigarret smoke (back before he was official diagnosed and simply showing symptoms) and she said 'Nah. We always try to smoke outside or away from him.

Well, whatever 'actions' they are taking to attempt to keep smoke away from the kids clearly is not working because I can often smell some smoke on their jackets, and of course the '3rd hand smoke' that follows the parents around after they've smoked.

What would you do?? Do I just **** it up, keep my opinions about it to myself, and just continue to air stuff out each day? :confused:

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

This subject is very sore for me...I can't stand cigarette smoke personally and get even more fired up when kids are involved because they have no choice in the matter. Second hand smoke is so bad for you and the poor kids suffer. My father used to be a cigar smoker and I couldn't stand smelling like cigar smoke, my clothes and hair would smell of it and I had no choice in the matter.

One thing I have found is most smokers are in denial and nothing that you say will sink in or change their ways. It's sad, but true. Even if you politely told them, things most likely won't change. They will make excuses or say "oh we don't smoke inside" when you know darn well they really do.

I would be very bothered by the heavy smoke smell on their belongings...I do have a hard time speaking up but I feel it wouldn't have any effect on them anyway or they would just take major offense to it. Good luck!!

[kendallina]

Ugh, that's a tough one. Like you, I can't stand the smell of cigarette smoke. But, as PP said, I don't think there is really anything you can do or say to them to make them change their habits which is really unfortunate especially considering their son's asthma.

In all honesty, I would not want to care for this family's children, which might seem really mean, but I really just wouldn't want their smoke-smelling things in my house. Not sure that I would do anything about it, I'd probably just try to air their things out while they were at my house as you do.

Sorry, that was really no help. Good luck in whatever you decide and welcome!

[marniewon]

The way I see it, you have 2 choices. **** it up and deal with the smoke smell or terminate them. There is no in between. The parents are not going to quit smoking just because you tell them they should, so you either deal with it or don't. It's not going to get any better the longer you wait, so if you can't deal with it, term them now.

[Lilbutterflie]

I don't think there is anything you can do about it. No matter what you say or do, nothing will make them stop. It does sound like they are definitely smoking in the house, since his lunch reaks of smoke. It's really sad to me. I have a family of smokers, so I do sort of understand the addiction involved and such. BUT I do not think it is any excuse to force someone else, especially a small child, to be around it all the time. At the very least, smoke outside!!!
I actually grew up with this, my mom was a single mom and smoked like a chimney in the house. I developed asthma when I was 8. I HATED that she smoked, at a young age I even told her that I would quit ****ing my thumb if she quit smoking!! When I look back, and hear stories like yours, I cringe thinking of how myself and my stuff must've smelled!!

[Unregistered]

Maybe you could offer to keep their extra set of clothing, and a blanket at your house and offer to wash it for them. That way you will just have to deal with jackets through the winter and I would continue to air them out after they arrive. Once Spring arrives suggest they leave a light weight jacket at your home for them.

We have a child that comes into the center who reaks of smoke. Once the parent leaves the whole area where she was smells so bad. I feel bad for the child who has to live in that stench.

[AnythingsPossible]

I agree with previous posters in the aspect that you have to decide if you can continue to live with it. If not, you should terminate them. I have one family who Mom smokes and Dad doesn't. Dad has primary custody so it usually isn't an issue, but I always know when Mom has had visitation. I personally can't stand the smell, and would terminate if I had to deal with it daily. Just one of those things that it's my home and I choose not to smoke and don't want to have to smell it. I also wouldn't want the parents of my other DCK's having to smell it upon entering or on their children's things. I'm sure I would have parents look elsewhere for care if that happened.

[misol]

Personally I would terminate because I would not be able to tolerate the smell. I agree with all PPs in that there is really nothing you can do as far as making the parents quit. You either have to deal with it or terminate. I'm asthmatic too and I feel so bad for this poor child.

Were you unable to tell that they were smokers when you interviewed them?

[Abigail]

One of my families is comprised of both parents who are very heavy smokers. Is this the only family who smokes?

They bring their own drinks (their choice, not mine) in sippy cups that they pack in a lunch tote. You can change your policy that no outside food or beverages be brought to your home as you provide all the healthy food necessary.

I often have to hang the kids' jackets and blankets outside to air out. I would require them to leave the blankets/pillows at your home and you will wash them weekly. This will cut back on the smell and the hassle will be worth it. I would still hang the jacket outside, which should now be the only other item (besides the child) that smell of smoke.

What makes this situation even sadder for me is that one of the boys has developed asthma. Their is no way the child will not smell of smoke because it just never happens. You can't determine whether they can or cannot smoke and when or where it should be done. They would leave your daycare and possibly sue for discrimination and insulting them. Who knows. You may be able to write a letter stating that a child (not to be named) has asthma and that it's very important that children arrive at daycare clean and smoke-free. This might be a red flag too, but if it is you who has the asthma (like I do) it's much easier to say you really can't put up with it.

My other concern is one that you have. How old is the child who has developed asthma? Has this child ever been brought to the emergency room because of smoke? If anything regarding smoking around the child has harmed him/her then you are a mandated reporter......you could simply stay out of it with the parents and just report your concerns to the appropriate person and the parents will hear it from them.

[QualiTcare]

i agree with the PP - it's not like they're going to quit smoking, BUT if you tell them you have a child who is allergic to smoke who has been having reactions when THEIR children are nearby - maybe they'll get a wake up call. it may not be true, but it gives you a GOOD reason to bring it up and if you do it very nicely and sincerely, it could work.

the thing is, they probably don't realize that their kids smell like smoke. they're immune to the smell because they smoke. they might actually be mortified if someone told them their child smells like smoke and at least make an effort not to smoke in the house or the car afterward. at the very least, they may start washing the clothes they wear to daycare right before they bring them (before it's exposed to smoke) and you wouldn't have to deal with the smell. i say this bc i used to smoke (not heavy, but still smoked) and when my mom started claiming to smell smoke on my daughter (which she never smelled until she physically saw me smoking) i made it a point to put fresh from the dryer clothes on her before i'd take her to visit. i hardly even smoked and REALLY didn't smoke in the house or around my daughter so i didn't see how she COULD smell like it, but just to be sure the smell hadn't gotten onto her clothes from coming into contact with mine i would take the extra measure. of course, my mom would still claim to smell it, but she's my mom. my daughter told me several months ago (i haven't smoked in forever) that when she stayed w my mom, she took her clothes out of her pack and smelled them and said they smelled like smoke. she was like why did she do that? then she told me my niece who was there (who's 16) grabbed them and smelled and was like "no they don't!" i don't even smoke :: i think she just smelled her stuff to see if i might be smoking again and convinced herself that she smelled it. anyhow, i would imagine if they were approached gently and told their children smell of smoke, it would make some type of difference.

[Live and Learn]

I really doubt you saying something to the parents would change their habits.... come on, they know it is shortening their lives and their children's lives and they haven't quit. They won't quit just because a daycare provider brings it up!! You just need to decide how much it bothers you and act on it. You won't be able to change the parents behavior when it comes to smoking.
During my interviews I always mention that our house is nonsmoking and parents automatically volunteer their info too.
Good luck.

[laundrymom]

I really doubt you saying something to the parents would change their habits.... come on, they know it is shortening their lives and their children's lives and they haven't quit. They won't quit just because a daycare provider brings it up!! You just need to decide how much it bothers you and act on it. You won't be able to change the parents behavior when it comes to smoking.
During my interviews I always mention that our house is nonsmoking and parents automatically volunteer their info too.
Good luck.

I agree they aren't going to change,... They don't care about the smell. I'd tell them that you are having a reaction to the smoke smell. Say , hey I need to talk to you about something that is a little uncomfortable. I'm having a reaction to the smoke smell on your kids and their things. Is there a way we can remedy the smell? Then do the blank stare. She will say what smell. Tell the truth,... Your kids have a very heavy smoke smell on both their clothes and bodies. It is effecting me and while I love them, I can't handle the smell. She could say, my kids don't smell or I didn't know or a thousand different things. But I ask you this. A minute of your being uncomfortable? Or 12years of taunting and possible life altering events at school for the kids. Kids are cruel and it only takes one comment to make a child an outcast in school.