I Am Tired of Parents

[Laura5287]

Last week I told a parent that I would not open early for her so she could make it to tee ball for her son. I just changed my hours and didn't want to start taking on more because I am tired already. Anyway, now both the parents are treating me with the silent treatment and making it very uncomfortable at drop off and pick up. Every day I tell myself it will be different. I keep up the conversation on my part, I smile and tell them about his day and try to stay upbeat, while they look at me with glaring eyes and very few words if any at all. It just kills me because I do so much for them. I have their child for 50 hours a week for $120. and they want more. I teach him preschool, which he is now starting to read and can do sign language.
My husband tells me not to say anything because he will be leaving in August. I am just so mad and hurt. It seems when I am doing what everyone else likes, then things are fantastic and when I don't then ,well, not fantastic.

[Unregistered]

Don't let it bother you. I went through a similar thing when I had to term one sibling due to behavior and kept the other sibling. After a while I just did my own thing not caring what they thought because I know I did the right thing for me and my program to run smoothly in turn benefiting the other children. I felt if it really bothered them then they were free to leave my program. This situation taught me to do what I need to do without feeling guilty or hurt because dcps will do what's best for them without any qualms and thought to how it will affect us as providers.

[daycare]

I find that many parents can act just like children when they are told NO. I would carry on as usual and just do what you do. It's not your problem that they are acting like children and you don't have to make it either.

I have had many families do this to me because I said NO. Hey, guess what, if you don't like it, you don't have to stay. BUT no is no...

you have to do what's best for you and your family and they will with theirs.

However, I would be on the look out to replace them if any more grief is given from them.

[Laura5287]

So how long do I put up with this behavior? My husband acts like it is no big deal, which maybe it isn't, but I don't like it. Why should I feel uncomfortable in my own home? That is what irritates me. I guess I am just too sensitive.

[daycare]

let me ask you this question.... when a child acts this way, you ignore it right?? So why not just ignore their behavior... I personally can fake it until i make it. If you know they are on their way out just smile and carry on.

Now if they were a family that was going to be around for awhile, I might ask, hey Sue, you and DCD have seemed a little quiet lately and just wanted to make sure everything is ok.

The last thing that you want to do is assume that the change in their behavior is because you told them NO. It could just be coincidental that maybe something is going on at home or such.

If you feel you can't carry on, then just ask them, is everything ok...let them tell you that they are being butts because you said no.

and then at that time address it

[Gemma]

Don't let it bother you. I went through a similar thing when I had to term one sibling due to behavior and kept the other sibling. After a while I just did my own thing not caring what they thought because I know I did the right thing for me and my program to run smoothly in turn benefiting the other children. I felt if it really bothered them then they were free to leave my program. This situation taught me to do what I need to do without feeling guilty or hurt because dcps will do what's best for them without any qualms and thought to how it will affect us as providers.

They are punishing you with the silence treatment and it is working cause you feel hurt, don't let them do this to you!
I would not trying to have a conversation with them, I would go on doing my own thing.
..I wish a couple of my parents, would give me silence at pick up/drop off

[Unregistered]

They are punishing you with the silence treatment and it is working cause you feel hurt, don't let them do this to you!
I would not trying to have a conversation with them, I would go on doing my own thing.
..I wish a couple of my parents, would give me silence at pick up/drop off

Yes! They are literally having a fit because they couldn't find someone to watch their son. Not your problem. Smile big and be happy! You stood up for yourself! They are just pouting, wahhhhhh

[sharlan]

So how long do I put up with this behavior? My husband acts like it is no big deal, which maybe it isn't, but I don't like it. Why should I feel uncomfortable in my own home? That is what irritates me. I guess I am just too sensitive.

Of course it's no big deal to your dh, he doesn't have to deal with it.

Stop trying to engage with them. Take the child at drop off and then hand the child off at pick up.

[Heidi]

I would ask them what's up. Like you, I wouldn't want to be uncomfortable in my own home and business. If they have something to say...cough it up.


Then, if it's gets heated, I'd just say something like "well, this is the service I offer. You're certainly entitled to shop around, just remember I require two weeks notice. Otherwise, we need to resume our pleasant working relationship, or I will have to terminate our arrangement".

[e.j.]

I would ask them what's up. Like you, I wouldn't want to be uncomfortable in my own home and business. If they have something to say...cough it up.

August is a little over 5 months away. That's a long time to be feeling uncomfortable in your own home. If they don't get over it soon, I would be direct and ask them if something is bothering them. If it is your unwillingness to open early, I would just say, "I learned a long time ago that I can't be all things to all people. I would hate to see you go but I would understand if you felt you had to find another provider who opens earlier than I do. Just remember to give me 2 weeks notice if you decide to leave." I've had to say this to a parent or two and it helped stop the guilt trip they were trying to lay on me.

[daycare]

August is a little over 5 months away. That's a long time to be feeling uncomfortable in your own home. If they don't get over it soon, I would be direct and ask them if something is bothering them. If it is your unwillingness to open early, I would just say, "I learned a long time ago that I can't be all things to all people. I would hate to see you go but I would understand if you felt you had to find another provider who opens earlier than I do. Just remember to give me 2 weeks notice if you decide to leave." I've had to say this to a parent or two and it helped stop the guilt trip they were trying to lay on me.

agree with all of this....AND like i said be careful how you do ask, because you don't want to assume that YOU are the reason they are acting like this.

Long story short...i had a dcf that I told them NO I would not allow day transfers anymore it was just to much on me and crazy... Their next scheduled day DCD was giving me cold shoulder, same with DCM at pick up. I immediately think it was because I told them no.

I almost said something to them and before I did, dcm tells me dck won't be here tomorrow, grandma passed away last night in her sleep....WOW did I feel bad.

I am so happy that I didn't say anything to them. After that I learned to ask nicely if something was going on....

[NeedaVaca]

Is this the same parent that gave you a hard time when your dad passed away and you took time off? I read your other post about being burnt out and also the fact that you said you don't need to do this for the money. If it were me I would not take any disrespect from my families and I would let them go. Especially if their child is the one with the behavior problems you mentioned before! You need to do what's best for YOU and not worry about anything else right now.

[Blackcat31]

So how long do I put up with this behavior? My husband acts like it is no big deal, which maybe it isn't, but I don't like it. Why should I feel uncomfortable in my own home? That is what irritates me. I guess I am just too sensitive.

I 100% agree with your husband.

Your DH's line of thinking is MY key to success.

Own what is YOURS to own and let parents own their own drama.

If they are giving you the cold shoulder, ignore it. Whether it is or isn't due to you saying no to them makes no difference.

You said no. They don't like it. Too bad.

YOU are sabotaging yourself by allowing someone (this family) to have the power to control how you feel.

You are making the connection between what you do and how you think they should act/react.

You said "It just kills me because I do so much for them" Stop equating what you do for them to how you think they should react.

If you do something for them, do it because YOU want to, not because you expect them to behave a certain way. Do you feel this upset/hurt when you tell a daycare child no? Do you feel like you need to allow daycare kids to run amok in your house just because you don't want to say no?

Of course not but that is exactly what you are doing with these parents.

Set YOUR rules and boundaries and when clients fit into those boundaries...YAH!!! Good fit = happy provider = happy parent.

If parents don't fit into YOUR rules/boundaries, you say "I'm sorry but that is how I run my business. I am not willing to waive my policies. If you are unable to work within those guidelines, you are free to find care elsewhere as we all need to do what works best for our families. It's not personal."

Because you are allowing it to be personal, it hurts. I am sorry for that.
But this family does not view you as a personal part of their family, they view you as someone who is working for them.

Define YOUR obligations and responsibilities in every parent-provider relationship and do NOT take on anything that is a parental responsibility.

For example if this parent needs care before you open, then it is THEIR responsibility to find a family member or friend to drop off when their daycare opens. It's not YOUR responsibility to pen early for them. They don't demand that Target open early because they want to shop before work. Why should you be any different? See what I mean?


You CAN do this! :hug:

[Ariana]

I agree with BlackCat. Some parents are morons. You are taking care of their child and they probably treat the mailman better!! Remember you are doing this for the little boy whose life is being improved because he's had your kind and loving influence on him. Sounds like he needs that considering his parents

Let it go for your health and peace of mind. They think this is how the world works because they are operating at a 5 yr old level.

[Thriftylady]

Ugg I had an interview the other day for a sweet little boy. They let me know that they wanted to enroll so I set up for today for paperwork. Not here so I text and she says "oh sorry we had to take him to the doctor" This is the third time I have had to change meetings with them. Both other times she scheduled during school and then messaged me "oh well I can't get out of school". I am feeling this may not work out well. If I didn't need the money so darn bad, I wouldn't even do the paperwork at this point.