Please Help Before I Lose It

[Meeko]

Your posts show that the parent is in charge. She is telling YOU how you need to sleep the baby, hold the baby, soothe the baby.

It's a mistake almost all of us make when starting up. We are eager to please...often at the cost of our sanity. Been there. Done that.

Take a big breath and OWN your program. happyface

YOU tell mom how it's got to be and not the other way around. She has to understand she has enrolled her baby in a group daycare. She does not get one-on-one for her child. She does not get to tell you how your day will run. She is not your employer.

You will be much happier if you take charge and either demand some changes, or term and chalk it up to a learning experience.

But don't feel bad. You are going above and beyond in caring for this baby.

[Gemma]

Your posts show that the parent is in charge. She is telling YOU how you need to sleep the baby, hold the baby, soothe the baby.

It's a mistake almost all of us make when starting up. We are eager to please...often at the cost of our sanity. Been there. Done that.

Take a big breath and OWN your program. happyface

YOU tell mom how it's got to be and not the other way around. She has to understand she has enrolled her baby in a group daycare. She does not get one-on-one for her child. She does not get to tell you how your day will run. She is not your employer.

You will be much happier if you take charge and either demand some changes, or term and chalk it up to a learning experience.

But don't feel bad. You are going above and beyond in caring for this baby.

My thoughts exactly!

[hope]

I would approach dcm by letting her know that you have tried everything....her way. Now you know what works for her at home but if she continues to do it that way than the baby will not be happy when in daycare. So you would like her to do x,y and z. Whatever that may be. I would suggest telling her that she needs to work on putting the baby to sleep in her crib and she needs to work on not carrying the baby all the time.
No swings, no activity centers or seats. Just some good old fashioned floor time. The baby will learn if both you and dcm establish the same rules for baby.

[Thriftylady]

I did childcare before and was just like you, I did whatever the parents asked. I am starting up again now and I am a little older and wiser, I still struggle because I want to make my parent and kiddos happy. I would never do all that you are doing. Just can't do that in group care. I would start interviewing and as soon as I had a replacement I would term. I am reading nannydes book. I have already learned a ton and I am not finished yet. Her way of dealing with parents is much better than my whimpy ways .

[Blackcat31]

Your posts show that the parent is in charge. She is telling YOU how you need to sleep the baby, hold the baby, soothe the baby.

It's a mistake almost all of us make when starting up. We are eager to please...often at the cost of our sanity. Been there. Done that.

Take a big breath and OWN your program. happyface

YOU tell mom how it's got to be and not the other way around. She has to understand she has enrolled her baby in a group daycare. She does not get one-on-one for her child. She does not get to tell you how your day will run. She is not your employer.

You will be much happier if you take charge and either demand some changes, or term and chalk it up to a learning experience.

But don't feel bad. You are going above and beyond in caring for this baby.

Sounds to me like you are putting MORE time and effort into helping this baby have a good/positive day than the mom is.

NOT seeing how that is your responsibility....

I know you have this child during a majority of their waking hours but it is the parents responsibility to prepare their child to be successful in daycare and this mom has failed to do that and YOU are suffering the fall out.

Stop allowing it.

[mommiebookworm]

So we are in week 3, and things just don't seem to be getting better. In fact, I feel that there is now tension between the mom and me because I am trying to be open about baby's lack of adjustment but feel like my every move is getting questioned. Like "how long did you sit with her and rattle this or shake that and hold her pacifier in her mouth" or "how long did she cry before you picked her up?", etc. I spend about 99 percent of my day doing everything mom has suggested to get this baby to sleep and stay asleep. I even put away my swing and let them bring their own, she brought in a baby carrier so I can try wearing baby. My own daughter is literally starved for attention, but it still doesn't seem "good enough". I have no other income so I can't just term and catch grief from my husband. I don't want attachment babes ever ever ever again! I guess I can add an interview question to my short list. Sorry for venting so much, but you know this is kind of a lonely place to be when no one around you understands.

I just read a great article on www.daycare.com/nannyde (the mychild parent). It's very eye opening! It relates exactly to everything you have said.

[KiddieCahoots]

BTDT...
My hindsight advice from an ordeal like this....Have a talk with dcm on what she will need to acomplish at home for dcb's success at daycare. Pretty much what's been pp, stop carrying baby...all the time, stop co-sleeping with baby, stop picking up baby when baby makes the slightest whimper in the crib, but soothing baby to go back to sleep, for baby to learn self soothing. Put mom on a two week trial period. In the meantime, get interviewing for a possible replacement.
If dcm doesn't help on her end, this will not change, and if after two weeks, nothing has changed, even though dcm insists she has been doing everything you have adivsed, then terminate for you and your daughter's well being.
BC gave me advice that I applied to my situation, that may help you.....
Parents may lie, but children's behaviors do not.

[marcieandpie]

Thanks for all of your advice. I had already given her a trial period date, and also decided to have a conversation with the dad at drop off this morning. He says the attachment parenting is more "her thing" and he is on board with the way I do things. Hopefully he can talk some sense into her. I told him that I had been spending way more time than I possibly should trying to keep the baby content and that some major changes would have to take place at home immediately. Believe me...I have been completely open with mom about all of this too, but she just hasn't seemed to budge on her thinking until (hopefully) now. It'll all work out in the end like someone said...either they will change and she will stay, or they won't and she will be replaced! Thanks all!

[Heidi]

Thanks for all of your advice. I had already given her a trial period date, and also decided to have a conversation with the dad at drop off this morning. He says the attachment parenting is more "her thing" and he is on board with the way I do things. Hopefully he can talk some sense into her. I told him that I had been spending way more time than I possibly should trying to keep the baby content and that some major changes would have to take place at home immediately. Believe me...I have been completely open with mom about all of this too, but she just hasn't seemed to budge on her thinking until (hopefully) now. It'll all work out in the end like someone said...either they will change and she will stay, or they won't and she will be replaced! Thanks all!

Not going to debate attachment parenting, but note the word "PARENT" in that phrase. If she wants to use those parenting methods, fine, but YOU are not the parent, she is, so maybe she needs to stay home with baby. If that's not feasible, then she needs to get with the program. Baby can't be 100% happy at home and 100% miserable at daycare. That's not even fair to the baby, much less you or the other children.

[daycare]

Not going to debate attachment parenting, but note the word "PARENT" in that phrase. If she wants to use those parenting methods, fine, but YOU are not the parent, she is, so maybe she needs to stay home with baby. If that's not feasible, then she needs to get with the program. Baby can't be 100% happy at home and 100% miserable at daycare. That's not even fair to the baby, much less you or the other children.

Baby can't be 100% happy at home and 100% miserable at daycare. That's not even fair to the baby, much less you or the other children

[cheerfuldom]

I would term.

[elise]

like it is stated allready above, some babys just won't adjust easily, some won't adjust to the situation at all. I understand you don't want to `fail`your first family, but its not about that, its about what is best for the baby.