behavior advice...help!

[alicia@home]

I need some advice and input!

There are a few behavior problems I'm running into with a particular child (7 years old).

First, the behavior with most negative impact, is that he does not like a particular child (3 years old). Granted the 3 yr old has some pesky behaviors...He is 3. Anyways, said child gets in arguments with the 3 yr old when he says something "wrong". For example today, he said that a toy was his and so the 7 yr old argued with him to the point of tears b/c the toy is not his. And if the 3 yr old is not here, he will fight with his 5 yr old brother the same way. A few times these arguments have quickly escalated to a rough shove or hitting! And sometimes with little to no provocation, he will say "I hate you ___." Pretty mean.
Other than redirection and keeping one of them always within arms reach, I'm not sure how to end this negative attitude.

Next...(sigh) every time I am getting after him for something, there's an explanation that he insists I listen to. Even if I listen first and then get after him, he bursts into tears and flips out b/c I'm not listening. This is simply frustrating b/c every situation turns into an ordeal. Rather than going to time out and getting it over with. Are there better discipline measures to take with older children?

Finally, the complaining. It never ends! ever. Today, we went to DQ, free ice cream! yay! not yay...after complaining that he could not go to the water fountain by himself and being asked to say something fun he did today (which he could not do). He learned that another child got an orange while we were at the park. WHY DIDN'T HE GET AN ORANGE!? And meltdown. He is eating ice cream while saying this.... Also on the way in he became very upset that he saw a recess duty lady smoking outside. (I didn't actually see this person, so not 100% what he was talking about or why he cared so much).

I feel that most of my discipline is directed towards him and he is only in my house 1 hour in the morning and 2.5 hours in the afternoon. Help! Summer is coming and I don't want to spend the whole 3 months explaining why he is going in time out again!

Sorry so long. Thanks

[Josiegirl]

He sounds like a strong-willed emotional child. And manipulative. He sounds exactly like my 7 yo dcb who will be coming this summer. Thankfully I don't have him before/after school. Have you talked with the dcps about his behavior and how to work with him? Kids like this are so difficult. Is he the only older kid you have?
I can only think of giving him different activities, more 'grown-up' helper type activities to keep him busy, to make him feel special, especially if he's your only 7 yo.
My 7 yo constantly uses words I find inappropriate for dc, like stupid, dumb, idiot, shut up. I've tried to handle most of it myself, figuring it's the dc dynamics. But winter vacation was so tough I said something to his mom, asking for suggestions, giving her an example of just one thing that happened here. He is THE only dck that says all those words and I need him to stop. I talked with her about it coming down to respect and he clearly has none at all. I also told her if he doesn't show improvement during spring break, then I'm not sure I can take him this summer. I do have other dcks that are his age when there is no school, but he just cannot get along with them. He needs to be boss, just like his little sister.
I don't know I hope you can work it out with him. Maybe I'll find something new to try with the replies you get. I'm beyond exhausted with my dcb.

I try to not even do time out with mine anymore. All he does is get extremely angry and it has become such a hassle keeping an eye on him so he doesn't get into trouble, while caring for the others. I sent him away from the lunch table when he kept calling one of my dcgs a stupid idiot and telling her to shut up. I sent him to the living room, when I went to check on him he was throwing the books off my shelf. I just told him when he was finished picking them back up and felt he could be nice at the table, then he could return.

[Unregistered]

Oh wow, that actually sounds a tiny bit worse. I just feel like first grade is still an age where I didn't expect these behaviors! I'm not hearing those types of inappropriate words but a lot of potty talk . His Mom is extremely helpful, and whatever she does at home works...but usually just the next day. Not permanently. His brother is like the sweetest child alive, while he is at school. But it takes about 20 minutes to get the mean out of his system. They become a unit when both are here.

He is the only older kid. I like the idea of giving him 'grown up' helper things to do. I'm gonna try that today.

I've also thought about getting books about kindness and other 'virtues', if anybody has any titles in mind. We did Horton Hears a Hoo...

I'm hoping that with summer he'll be here more continuously and it'll be a couple weeks of adjustment and then he'll be a little more familiar with how things work here.

I'm sorry you're in the same boat but it is nice to hear that I'm not the only person dealing with this!

[MsLisa]

I have a 9 year old that is just like that.
He is basically a "jerk" kid. He will walk around the room and look for the weakest, happily preoccupied kid(s) and bug them till they can't take it. THEN blames them for it. Its always someone elses fault. He annoys everyone. He climbs my furniture. He can't handle playing any games because his temper is uncontrollable. This kid is a bonafide nightmare. AND he has 4 TSS workers, who rotate so one is with him most of the time, who do nothing. They merely take up a chair & play on their phones.

Sadly my only solution at this point is waiting for him to get 2 more notes home so I can kick him out of the program. I see no other option. He was gone a whole week to Disney and my classroom was soooooo calm and happy. No warnings. No yelling. It was beautiful. He came back today and he already upset 2 kids this morning. Its just too much. Knowing he's going to be there this afternoon makes me so negative and mad.

Sorry I have no real advice, but I feel ya! :hug: