When A Child Is Hurting Sibling At Home, Parents Doing Nothing

[daycare]

I have a sibling set two kids 3 and 4.

the family is very sweet and the older child is the sweetest child I have ever met on the planet earth. Seriously want to clone her a million times.

the younger sister however, is rough and hard to handle at times here at DC.

parents disclosed to me some time ago concerns about how bad the younger sisiters behavior is at home and should they get an eval. I told them they should if they are that concerned, but it does not happen here, I would never allow that kind of behavior.

fast forward to 10 minutes ago today. Older dcg tells me,

Miss N. My sister hurts me all the time at home really bad and mommy and daddy don't do anything about it

Me: Oh no, I am sorry she did that, what happened.
DCG: well yesterday she bite me on my leg, (lifts up dress to show me thigh and OMG its black and blue and you can see full teeth marks)
Me: WOW that looks horrible, your mom and dad know your younger sis did this.
DCG: Yes, she hurts me all the time and mom and dad don't do anything about it, they just tell her to stop it maybe and maybe sometimes they don't do anything.

ME: I hug her and tell her, I am so sorry this is happening to you and I want you to know that I care about you. Can you tell me what else your sister has done.

DCG: lift up shirt and shows me her back, its coverd in red marks.
ME: what happened
DCG; my sister was hitting me with a wand stick we got from Disneyland.

it looked horrible

Me: I hug her again and I tell her, I am going to do everything I can to make sure that no one ever hurts you ever again. I love you and it's not ok for anyone to ever hurt you, even your sister. I am very happy that you were able to tell me. You do need to tell an adult or teacher or friend if someone is hurting you.

OMG YOU GUYS I AM FREAKING OUT....

I full on believe everything she is telling me, she has never lied to me ever.

Of course I will ask the parents about it, but I believe that the dcg that the parents are not protecting her or even doing anything to stop the other child from hurting her.

The younger dcg acts so crazy at drop off and pick up that we have been doing bye-bye outside for almost 8 months.

As soon as the parent goes, the younger one is very good for me. She will have down days, but nothing that even needs a call home.

What should I do. I am full on crying right now about this.....HELP

[daycare]

parents will be picking up soon,,,,,,,,,'


any advice on what i should say or how I should approach the matter?

[Heidi]

This may be too late, but I would just show them the wounds and ask THEM if they are aware of it.

Then, I'd say "so, about that conversation we had about an evaluation, I think perhaps you're right".



Honestly, they could get in a real jam here. Someone could easily see that and think THEY are hurting her, and call CPS.

[AuntTami]

This may be too late, but I would just show them the wounds and ask THEM if they are aware of it.

Then, I'd say "so, about that conversation we had about an evaluation, I think perhaps you're right".



Honestly, they could get in a real jam here. Someone could easily see that and think THEY are hurting her, and call CPS.

Honestly, I might even threaten to call myself. They're not abusing her themselves but they're certainly neglecting her by not ensuring her safety and well being! OMG! My heart aches so bad. I would tell them that something needs to be done, IMMEDIATELY. Whether that be an eval, or what have you, but they need to absolutely never leave them alone ANYMORE until they have a handle on this 100%!!!! That is absolutely heart breaking! That poor baby!

Poor you!!! Sending huge hugs!

[e.j.]

I'm really not sure what to tell you! Given your description of the injuries, it sounds as though she's being abused by the younger sister. If the parents are allowing it to happen, would it be considered neglect and would it be something that should be reported?

I'll be honest, though, and say that if it were me in this situation, I wouldn't necessarily jump to report it. I'd probably ask the parents if they've seen the injuries and if they know how she got them. I would tell them what the dcg told you and remind them that they mentioned the possibility of having the younger girl evaluated. I'd ask them where they're at with that process. If they haven't made an appointment yet, I would tell them they need to make one as soon as possible - like Monday. I would stress the seriousness of the situation and let them know that what is currently happening to the older girl can't continue to happen. They need to protect the older sister from the younger one until they can get the younger girl's behavior under control. I might also remind them that I am a mandated reporter and that if the older sister continues to be injured, I'd be forced to report the situation since allowing her to be injured by her sister could be considered neglect on their part. Not sure how right or wrong I'd be but that's what I think I would do. Glad I'm not in your shoes right now! Good luck at pick up!

[Shell]

I'm really not sure what to tell you! Given your description of the injuries, it sounds as though she's being abused by the younger sister. If the parents are allowing it to happen, would it be considered neglect and would it be something that should be reported?

I'll be honest, though, and say that if it were me in this situation, I wouldn't necessarily jump to report it. I'd probably ask the parents if they've seen the injuries and if they know how she got them. I would tell them what the dcg told you and remind them that they mentioned the possibility of having the younger girl evaluated. I'd ask them where they're at with that process. If they haven't made an appointment yet, I would tell them they need to make one as soon as possible - like Monday. I would stress the seriousness of the situation and let them know that what is currently happening to the older girl can't continue to happen. They need to protect the older sister from the younger one until they can get the younger girl's behavior under control. I might also remind them that I am a mandated reporter and that if the older sister continues to be injured, I'd be forced to report the situation since allowing her to be injured by her sister could be considered neglect on their part. Not sure how right or wrong I'd be but that's what I think I would do. Glad I'm not in your shoes right now! Good luck at pick up!

Poor little girl. You handled this very well, and said the nicest and best things to make her feel safe, btw!

[e.j.]

Honestly, they could get in a real jam here. Someone could easily see that and think THEY are hurting her, and call CPS.

That's a good point! At the very least, maybe it would motivate them to protect the older sister!

[e.j.]

Daycare, just wondering how it went at pick up yesterday and how you're doing today?

[Thriftylady]

Daycare, just wondering how it went at pick up yesterday and how you're doing today?

I am curious also. I would also show them the marks and tell her what you were told about how they happened. I would tell them something like "something has to be done about this, as it is abusive and cannot be allowed to continue". Depending on their reaction, I would decide what to do next.

[BabyMonkeys]

They're not abusing her themselves but they're certainly neglecting her by not ensuring her safety and well being!

like this this

[Starburst]

I would tell them they need to separate them at home until they can see a professional about the younger one. If it breaks the skin, human bites can be worse than animal bites (infection wise) because most animal saliva also acts as a natural antiseptic since they use it to lick/naturally heal their wounds.

http://www.creators.com/advice/tween-12-and-20/dog-bite-bad-human-bite-worse.html

I personally would report because they are not supervising enough if the other one is covered in marks from repetitive incidents, i concider it neglect and them to be accomplices in child endangerment.

They might not take it seriously since it's the younger sibling who is being aggressive, but my younger brother used to always hit me all the time, I was overweight and he was a lot faster and stronger then me, he also has a lot of mental issues now (he claims to be bipolar with schizophrenic tendencies, but he also lies/exaggerates alot). This child needs help learning how to appropriately interact with others and possible anger/mental issues.

[daycare]

sorry, I had a family emergency and was gone all weekend. I tired to use my phone, but could not log on for some reason.

Anyway, the grandmother picked up, not the parents. I didn't really know what to say, as I was not certain if I should say anything to her or not.

Right at the time that dcks were getting picked up, I got my emergency call and got a little distracted.

I did show grandma and said, it looks like susie bit sally. grandma came unglued at me, thought it happened here and then I said NO, it happened at home, older DCG confirmed. Grandma apologizes and asks DCG did you tell you parents and she said yes they know. They left. Nothing else was said.

I was out all weekend dealing with a very ill family member, no access to email and no good cell services, so I will have to do it today.

Thanks ladies for all of your replies. I can't agree more that it may not be them that is causing the harm, but I don't feel they are doing anything to stop it either, which is neglectful.

I am going to come up with something to say, so I will be well prepared for pick up today. I can't do it at drop off, too many other parents.

[spud912]

sorry, I had a family emergency and was gone all weekend. I tired to use my phone, but could not log on for some reason.

Anyway, the grandmother picked up, not the parents. I didn't really know what to say, as I was not certain if I should say anything to her or not.

Right at the time that dcks were getting picked up, I got my emergency call and got a little distracted.

I did show grandma and said, it looks like susie bit sally. grandma came unglued at me, thought it happened here and then I said NO, it happened at home, older DCG confirmed. Grandma apologizes and asks DCG did you tell you parents and she said yes they know. They left. Nothing else was said.

I was out all weekend dealing with a very ill family member, no access to email and no good cell services, so I will have to do it today.

Thanks ladies for all of your replies. I can't agree more that it may not be them that is causing the harm, but I don't feel they are doing anything to stop it either, which is neglectful.

I am going to come up with something to say, so I will be well prepared for pick up today. I can't do it at drop off, too many other parents.

Keep us updated! I hope your family member is ok :hug: .

[daycare]

Keep us updated! I hope your family member is ok :hug: .

thanks....On Friday I took this very bad. I just don't understand how anyone could let anyone or anything hurt their child like this.

THey know their younger child has issues, they have admitted it. I guess what frustrates me is that it seems like no one does anything until DAYCARE demands doc visits, or etc.

This really has upset me.

[Kabob]

thanks....On Friday I took this very bad. I just don't understand how anyone could let anyone or anything hurt their child like this.

THey know their younger child has issues, they have admitted it. I guess what frustrates me is that it seems like no one does anything until DAYCARE demands doc visits, or etc.

This really has upset me.

I'm sorry you got this on your plate. It's not right that they are letting this happen.

Can you call and see if this is something you need to report? For all you know, there is more going on than dcg is telling you...and if she is covered in marks, something needs to be done. If this were to happen at daycare, you'd be in trouble...it's so poopy that this can happen at home and it's considered okay by family...