DCM Tries To Make Other DCK Envious Of Her Kids

[Maggie]

This family has been with me for over 6 years, dcg 6 dcb 3. The kids are ok but this mother has issues. She is always saying and doing things to try to make my other dcks envious of her kids. Examples, at pick up she'll say things like let's go to McDonald's and get a happy meal, we're going to the park, I have a surprise for you at home, she has even brought things in to give to them in front of the other kids. The weirdest part, she watches the faces of the other kids just to see their reactions! Many times at drop off they will come in with new toys, mom says I know they can't have them here they just wanted to show their friends. I've mentioned a few times that it could have waited until they got home and I flat out told her she was rude when she handed them a bag of skittles at pick up but told them to wait until they get in the car to eat them. Dad isn't much better, at pickup yesterday he came with a new stuffed animal for each of them and of course today at drop off (mom) they both come in with their new stuffed animal to "show their friends". Mom looked a little upset when my dcg 3 told her in a bored kind of tone that we already saw that yesterday! This has been an issue for years but lately it's been more frequent, at least 3 times a week. Any suggestions on how to nip this in the bud without actually saying you're making the other kids jealous, It may be childish on my part but I don't want to give her the satisfaction of hearing it.

[jenboo]

All special treats need to be saved for home or the car. Also, no more showing their toys and treats to their friends.
It's not appropriate for daycare.

Im sure someone will have a better way to say that.

[AuntTami]

This family has been with me for over 6 years, dcg 6 dcb 3. The kids are ok but this mother has issues. She is always saying and doing things to try to make my other dcks envious of her kids. Examples, at pick up she'll say things like let's go to McDonald's and get a happy meal, we're going to the park, I have a surprise for you at home, she has even brought things in to give to them in front of the other kids. The weirdest part, she watches the faces of the other kids just to see their reactions! Many times at drop off they will come in with new toys, mom says I know they can't have them here they just wanted to show their friends. I've mentioned a few times that it could have waited until they got home and I flat out told her she was rude when she handed them a bag of skittles at pick up but told them to wait until they get in the car to eat them. Dad isn't much better, at pickup yesterday he came with a new stuffed animal for each of them and of course today at drop off (mom) they both come in with their new stuffed animal to "show their friends". Mom looked a little upset when my dcg 3 told her in a bored kind of tone that we already saw that yesterday! This has been an issue for years but lately it's been more frequent, at least 3 times a week. Any suggestions on how to nip this in the bud without actually saying you're making the other kids jealous, It may be childish on my part but I don't want to give her the satisfaction of hearing it.

Do you have a part in your handbook about outside food or toys? If not, I would add one, and give a notice to parents. Mine simply states that because children have a hard time sharing and because I provide all meals and snacks, outside toys and food is not allowed. Items will be given back to the parents at pick up/drop off and told that the children may have the item when they are off of my property. It's not fair to everyone else that one child gets skittles for lunch and the rest don't, and in an effort to minimiZe fighting and bickering, no outside toys are allowed. The toys At MY house are for everyone to play with, and I can't be responsible for personal items. If an item IS brought in, I will assume it's a "daycare donation" and all children will be allowed to play with it, just as all other toys are, and when the fighting occurs(because it does) the toy will be removed from everyone's play just like any other toy.

[Unregistered]

Do they pick up at the same time every day? If so, and you don't want to talk to them directly about it, I would have dcks ready to go and as soon as the car pulls in the drive and mom/dad gets out of the car, open the door and send them out and say "They had a great day! Bye! See you tomorrow!" If you want to say something, then just say no outside food, drinks, or toys are allowed through my door, so if you bring them, I will have you wait on the porch and dcks will be right out! Don't let them have an audience. They are simply buying their children's love and that is their problem, not yours, so don't let them take advantage of you or the other kids. Be firm

[laundrymom]

Do they pick up at the same time every day? If so, and you don't want to talk to them directly about it, I would have dcks ready to go and as soon as the car pulls in the drive and mom/dad gets out of the car, open the door and send them out and say "They had a great day! Bye! See you tomorrow!" If you want to say something, then just say no outside food, drinks, or toys are allowed through my door, so if you bring them, I will have you wait on the porch and dcks will be right out! Don't let them have an audience. They are simply buying their children's love and that is their problem, not yours, so don't let them take advantage of you or the other kids. Be firm

I had one, not to the extent yours seem to be, who would do similar things. One of my boys, 4 at the time, looked at the mom after she told him how she was taking her daughter to chuck e cheese after daycare,
He looked at her and said,
"Oh. My mom lets me help her cook. She likes to hang out with just me."

Talk about an eye opener for that mom. I agree w other poster. She's purchasing love.

[Maggie]

I do have a no toys from home policy and a no gum or candy policy and mom is well aware of them because she's constantly reminded. The way my house sits you can't see whose here until they're in the door so sending them out isn't an option though I would love to because the kids turn into little monsters when their parents get here. She is definitely looking for an audience and buying the kids love. She's also the mom who wants to put on the mommy loves you so much show as she's dropping them of on her day off.

[Unregistered]

If she won't follow the rules, then just do an adaptation of meeting her outside. Check them at the door. If you answer and the kids have toys or food, then stand int he way and say, "Oh, you guys need to give that stuff to mom and say good bye! It is not allowed in daycare, so let mom take it home and say good bye!" And then wait and just smile. If the kids throw a fit, then tell mom you will wait for them to knock again when they are ready to come in without the goodies! Close door. Do the same thing at pick up. Open the door, but block entry until you can give mom a once over and make sure she has no goods. If she does, just say, "oh, that stuff is not allowed inside, so I will get the kids ready and send them out in a minute." Close door. Don't give them an audience and quite frankly, if they cannot follow simple rules, you may want to term and not deal with the headache

[Rockgirl]

You could hang a big sign on your door: "No treats brought into daycare unless you are bringing for EVERYONE. Effective immediately, treats entering daycare must be shared with all children in attendance. No exceptions."

[Blackcat31]

Meh~ Ignore her.

She is looking for a reaction so don't give her one.

Everytime she mentions anything remotely resembling bragging, just change the subject and make a big deal about something else.

"Have fun at McDonald's! The daycare kids and I are going to snuggle and read a few books until it's time for pick up! Bye!"

As for the toys being brought in...I'd take them and hand them DIRECTLY to mom and say FIRMLY "I understand they want to show their friends but YOU need to understand that my policies dictate NO toys from home and should you choose to allow your child to bring a toy in again, I will consider it a donation to my child care. So unless you wish to donate your child's new toy, please keep it in the car."

Any time I encounter a parent that just wants to "one up" everyone else, I just flat out ignore it and move past it as if I didn't hear it at all.

People like that are missing something in their lives that they somehow feel as though material things make them a good person or better than someone else. I just let my actions show her that I don't measure people that way and really don't are at all...

[Controlled Chaos]

Meh~ Ignore her.

She is looking for a reaction so don't give her one.

Everytime she mentions anything remotely resembling bragging, just change the subject and make a big deal about something else.

"Have fun at McDonald's! The daycare kids and I are going to snuggle and read a few books until it's time for pick up! Bye!"

Yep.

[NightOwl]

Meh~ Ignore her.

She is looking for a reaction so don't give her one.

Everytime she mentions anything remotely resembling bragging, just change the subject and make a big deal about something else.

"Have fun at McDonald's! The daycare kids and I are going to snuggle and read a few books until it's time for pick up! Bye!"

As for the toys being brought in...I'd take them and hand them DIRECTLY to mom and say FIRMLY "I understand they want to show their friends but YOU need to understand that my policies dictate NO toys from home and should you choose to allow your child to bring a toy in again, I will consider it a donation to my child care. So unless you wish to donate your child's new toy, please keep it in the car."

Any time I encounter a parent that just wants to "one up" everyone else, I just flat out ignore it and move past it as if I didn't hear it at all.

People like that are missing something in their lives that they somehow feel as though material things make them a good person or better than someone else. I just let my actions show her that I don't measure people that way and really don't are at all...

Exactly this. She's trying to compensate for something. If you feel like you can't ignore her (Idk if i could to be honest) then you could be blunt and call her out. Dcm, I don't understand why you feel the need to hurt the feelings of 3 year olds. Or why you feel you are an exception to my policies. Can you explain that to me?

[Maggie]

Ignoring her is pretty much what I have been doing but it's getting tough. I like Wednesdays idea of just confronting her and asking why she would intentionally try to make the other kids feel sad but every time I've confronted her in the past she cries, storms out and then I get a call from the dad asking why I'm mean to his wife. I'm making the announcement soon that I'm closing for the summer and not taking SA when I open back up in the fall, I'm hoping they move on and I can be done with them.

[ColorfulSunburst]

If some mom brings some toy "to show it to friends" during drop off/pick up time I would take it and allow all children to hold it and will not care about mom's and her children reaction and mom will need to take toys from kids by herself. After a couple of times of this she will stop to bring toys without my request.

[MrsSteinel'sHouse]

Meh~ Ignore her.

She is looking for a reaction so don't give her one.

Everytime she mentions anything remotely resembling bragging, just change the subject and make a big deal about something else.

"Have fun at McDonald's! The daycare kids and I are going to snuggle and read a few books until it's time for pick up! Bye!"

As for the toys being brought in...I'd take them and hand them DIRECTLY to mom and say FIRMLY "I understand they want to show their friends but YOU need to understand that my policies dictate NO toys from home and should you choose to allow your child to bring a toy in again, I will consider it a donation to my child care. So unless you wish to donate your child's new toy, please keep it in the car."

Any time I encounter a parent that just wants to "one up" everyone else, I just flat out ignore it and move past it as if I didn't hear it at all.

People like that are missing something in their lives that they somehow feel as though material things make them a good person or better than someone else. I just let my actions show her that I don't measure people that way and really don't are at all...

Well said- I also would think of imposing the hotel california rule.. it may enter but it may never leave. I have a little one that loved to bring in stuffed animals- until I said great lets go put it in your bed (was still sleeping in crib at that point) and it can stay there for naptime. (SHe already had one lovey) She has not brought anything else because she doesn't want it to stay here forreverrrrrrr. The skittles- I would have have said oh thank you for the skittles I love them! I will save them for later though. yup I would have. Kid walks in with a cookie in their hand oh thank you I love cookies! You are so sweet - it is mine quicker than they can say but! Moms' faces are priceless... and then they sit in the driveway from then on for princess to finish her treat before entering and then they get upset that princess is barely nibbling on it... they stop giving princess treat.

[Bookworm]

Sounds like she is a practitioner of "Facebook Parenting". These are the parents who only post when they need to show that they spend time with their kid because the took him/her to the zoo, water park, movies etc. I would ignore her too.