Friend/DCP - issues communicating

[Indoorvoice]

I made the mistake of taking on friends as a dcp when I first opened. They are late every. single. Friday. A few minutes late here and there do not bother me at all, especially if the family is coming from work. If I start to have problems with families being late, I usually talk to them first and explain a late fee if I need to. Otherwise, I don't worry about it. However, this family is NOT coming from work. The DCD does not work on Fridays and instead hangs out with friends from about 4:00 on. Mom gets out of work at 5 and can get here by 5:30. All of my other families are gone by 4:30 so I was staying open an hour later just for this family so Dcd could hang out with his friends. About 3 months ago, I told my friends/DCF in person I was no longer staying open until 5:30 on Fridays and that they needed to be here at 5:00 or there would be late fees. Dcd was fine but was still showing up 5-10 minutes late every time. It made me frustrated, but not enough to have another awkward discussion, I just charged the late fee every time and went on with my life. Last Friday, DCM texted me at 4:50 saying DCD wasn't picking up at 5 and that she was coming at 5:30 - didn't ask me, TOLD me that was what she was doing. Since we are friends, she knew I didn't have plans that evening so I couldn't lie and say I had to leave. I told her I would do it just for that day, but from now on, I needed more notice, and I wanted 5:00 to remain the pick up time in the future. No response. She just came and picked up and left. She was obviously mad at me for not wanting to work that extra half hour. I wasn't sure what I was going to do yet, so I didn't talk to her about it when she picked up. I didn't want to say something I would regret and just wanted to be done working.

I'm not comfortable with slapping them with my $30 late fee, but I need them to know this is not ok. In my opinion, they just see me as a friend taking care of their child, so they don't understand why I'm picky about my rules or why it would be a big deal to watch their child for an extra half hour. Talking in person is difficult because it is either a busy pick-up/drop-off time, or we are with a bunch of other friends when we are together. If you've done business with friends, how do handle communicating about these difficult things? The easiest thing for me would be an email, but dh thinks since we are friends also, that this isn't personable enough and that they would be offended. I feel that they won't take me seriously if I discuss this in person, plus I would have to set up a meeting with them since I can't talk with them at daycare, and that would make it even more awkward. Any advice?

[Shell]

Term. I will never take on "friends" ever again!!!

On the other hand, it's time for them to respect your time and business. It's none of their business that you do/don't have plans-
They need to pick up on time.

I would explain to dcm that all the families get picked up by 430, you don't want their late fees, and that 5 is the max you can do for Fridays. Put the ball in their court- either they can pick up by 5, or they need to make other arrangements.

It's hard with friends that like to see it as an informal type gig, but you are a business and they are clients. They need to follow rules like everyone else!

[daycare]

I am sorry you are dealing with this. I have never done business with friends, but I would sit down and have a conversation with her about it. No email.

I would say something like this:

Sue, I am so happy that I am able to be a party of lilies' life every day and excited that I get to have you as a client. Please understand that I am running a business and that I have to run my business with a business sense first, not based on friendships or emotions. I love what I do for a living, but I work very long hours so that all parents can go to work and provide for their families. I have contracts and set hours, just like all businesses do and expect for all clients to follow them. I can't offer you special hours, especially on a last minute notice, if I do, I have to do that for everyone else too. 10 min here and there over a full week is an extra hour of work that I don't get paid for. I do understand that from time to time people will be late, I don't allow people to make a habit of it.

I don't want lilly coming to my childcare program affect our friendship in anyway, you much too important to me, but I do need for you and hubby to abide by all of the rules and polices of our program. It's what I require all clients to do.

Edit to add,.... who cares if she knows you have plans or not that day, it's not her place to decide when she gets to pick up her child, it's yours.

do you work on contracted hours?

[Gemma]

This is why I never, ever work for friends (or family)!

You have to decide what you are willing to do as in:
A) Bend the rules (never a good idea)
B) Treat them as any other family and charge late fees
C) Break the contract, which more time than not means the end of friendship too
You could try discussing the issue again but it'll probably fix things temporarily, if at all
sorry you're going through this:hug:

[finsup]

I am sorry you are dealing with this. I have never done business with friends, but I would sit down and have a conversation with her about it. No email.

I would say something like this:

Sue, I am so happy that I am able to be a party of lilies' life every day and excited that I get to have you as a client. Please understand that I am running a business and that I have to run my business with a business sense first, not based on friendships or emotions. I love what I do for a living, but I work very long hours so that all parents can go to work and provide for their families. I have contracts and set hours, just like all businesses do and expect for all clients to follow them. I can't offer you special hours, especially on a last minute notice, if I do, I have to do that for everyone else too. 10 min here and there over a full week is an extra hour of work that I don't get paid for. I do understand that from time to time people will be late, I don't allow people to make a habit of it.

I don't want lilly coming to my childcare program affect our friendship in anyway, you much too important to me, but I do need for you and hubby to abide by all of the rules and polices of our program. It's what I require all clients to do.

Edit to add,.... who cares if she knows you have plans or not that day, it's not her place to decide when she gets to pick up her child, it's yours.

do you work on contracted hours?

I would send that exact letter! Whoops saw that was meant to be said in person which would be a good idea too

[Indoorvoice]

Edit to add,.... who cares if she knows you have plans or not that day, it's not her place to decide when she gets to pick up her child, it's yours.

do you work on contracted hours?

Yes, I do work on contracted hours and changed their contract with them when I decided I couldn't work for them until 5:30 on Fridays anymore. Their contracted hours are until 5:30 every other day when they are actually working, so maybe that's where they are confused and think this is negotiable? I charge the same amount on the days I work til 5:30 as I charge them on Fridays, so perhaps they feel they are paying for it and can show up when they want? Should I change the rates? I just feel like this should be a non-issue because he's NOT working! How hard is it too pick up a half hour early when you're just having fun?

If I say what you suggested in person and not in an email, when is a good time to bring this up? Should I set up a meeting, or perhaps arrange to meet for dinner just with them and discuss, or should I just say it in passing one day? I'm trying not to bring the friendship into the business part of this, but it's hard in this situation.

[Play Care]

I would say something at pick up. Keep business during business, KWIM?

[Unregistered]

I would strongly advise anyone to never enroll a friends child...ever. I've had 2 instances...both which resulted in getting taken advantage of and both friendships ending. Most recently my "friend" kept picking up after I was closed, without notice. I kept reminding her of my closing time, but I think she always thought a few minutes didn't matter. Finally I put my foot down and said I have to enforce fees across the board, and late fees will be incurred. It's my fault for not enforcing my policies in the first place to not offend my friend. Needless to say, she got pretty angry about it, pulled her child without notice, and refused to pay 2 weeks notice. We don't talk anymore.

[Meeko]

OP..you said your friend knew you didn't have plans for the evening.

But you DID. You planned on relaxing. You planned on not having children still in your home.

She has no right to decide whether your plans are important or not.

Either term or have a real heart to heart and tell her the only way this will work is if she follows the rules EXACTLY like every other client does.

[Annalee]

When I first started daycare, I was terrible at interviews....but that has gotten much better over the years. I do take family/friends occasionally but I am much better at pegging if it will work or not. I have termed 4 times in 23 years and only one of those was family....YEP, it still stings at family gatherings but we made it through. Many issues can be dealt with at interview....consistency is another issue that keeps all aware of expectations once enrolled. As for the issue with the OP, I am sorry you are dealing with this. But once the behavior your friend has develops, it rarely will get better. I think the longer you go without dealing with the issue, even if that means terming, the worse it will get. Good luck!

[Controlled Chaos]

I have 3dcks whose parents are good friends and 1 dcb is my nephew. This was a problem when I first opened, not because they were family, but because I had no backbone with anyone.

After 2 years a figured it out and got my business game face on. I treat all clients equally. Everyone pays late fees, tuition on time and picks up on time. If they don't they get the "this is your one warning" talk, that this won't work if they don't respect me and my business.

OP you can't expect them to treat you/your business with respect when you won't charge them late fees like everyone else. Have a talk with them explaining your rules/boundaries/fees and let them know if they want to keep bringing dck to you they need to make the choice to follow respect them.

[Indoorvoice]

Thank you so much for sharing all of your experiences and advice. I know I'm not going to term (not at this time anyway...) so I know I need to address this issue and fast. It's not the "WHAT" I'm going to say that I'm worried about so much, as it is the "HOW" I'm going to say it part that I'm stuck on. I really want to send an email. Every time I have attempted an in person conversation with a dcp, it has not gone well. I second guess myself and get flustered easily and then everyone is left confused. With an email, I'm much more confident I'll get my point across, but I lose the tone and sincerity that a face-to-face conversation has. Is an email in this case completely unprofessional and unfriendly? I'm trying really hard to balance the professional relationship with the friendship here since I know the reason they are doing this to me is because we are friends and they don't really see this as my job. So, if you were my friend, would you lose all respect of me as a daycare provider if I just emailed about this issue?

[Play Care]

I don't think an email or a letter is a bad thing. I'm not afraid to say what needs to be said, but I can't control how people take it. I had a parent lose their cool in my home after I had to give notice - and this with warnings(hints) about how the kids were outgrowing my care, I wasn't a school aged provider, etc. in an effort to soften the blow. I decided from then on I was doing it in a letter and then following up verbally. Not necessarily because I care so much how it's taken, but the kids were upset and scared

You can always mention in your letter, "I am writing because it's so crazy and hectic at drop off and pick up which can lead to confusion, and I want to make sure everyone is on the same page," or something to that effect.

[Gemma]

You can always mention in your letter, "I am writing because it's so crazy and hectic at drop off and pick up which can lead to confusion, and I want to make sure everyone is on the same page," or something to that effect.

[KiddieCahoots]

Thank you so much for sharing all of your experiences and advice. I know I'm not going to term (not at this time anyway...) so I know I need to address this issue and fast. It's not the "WHAT" I'm going to say that I'm worried about so much, as it is the "HOW" I'm going to say it part that I'm stuck on. I really want to send an email. Every time I have attempted an in person conversation with a dcp, it has not gone well. I second guess myself and get flustered easily and then everyone is left confused. With an email, I'm much more confident I'll get my point across, but I lose the tone and sincerity that a face-to-face conversation has. Is an email in this case completely unprofessional and unfriendly? I'm trying really hard to balance the professional relationship with the friendship here since I know the reason they are doing this to me is because we are friends and they don't really see this as my job. So, if you were my friend, would you lose all respect of me as a daycare provider if I just emailed about this issue?

I totally understand where you are coming from, I do the same thing. Sometimes my best rehearsed speeches get all botched up when I get even the slightest bit distracted or flustered.

I think whatever makes you the most comfortable while explaining what you want to relay the easiest is best. If it turns out to be an email, then why not? And in an email, you can go back and make corrections before you send it, it's hard to go back in conversation when you've missed something, or you've said something you realize didn't come out so well.

Good luck