Should I Let This Go?

[Josiegirl]

Or should I confront dcb(7 yo) next time I see him?
I cannot prove anything but I have very strong suspicions about something he may have done. He's a very vengeful kid. If he gets mad at you, he'll do something with mean(but sneaky) reactions. Well, he and 7 yo dcg can get along very well and sometimes not so much.

During vacation my 7 yo dcg brought in a Breyer horse(she is THE horse lover) and every time she was done with it, she'd put it up. It wasn't a problem. She left it down lower once and when it disappeared I thought one of the littles had gotten hold of it. She came to me with it, crying, it's ear had gotten broken. She was saying how special it was, etc. So as compassionately as I could, I reminded her that special things need to stay home.

(My rule is they can bring things but if it creates a problem they will keep them in their backpack/cubby, and that things do get broken/lost, etc. so please do not let your child bring special things)

I felt really bad for dcg. Later in the day dcb told her he may have accidentally stepped on it. So I'm suspecting what really happened was he got angry with her and did it on purpose.

Now I know I cannot prove it and really cannot accuse him of it but dang, I really think that's what happened. So, do I just let it go? Say something to him?
I will be sending out a change in my policies shortly, telling dcps nothing more comes from home. Absolutely nothing.
Thanks for your replies.

[Play Care]

I wouldn't as you didn't see it and have nothing but your suspicions. Even the other kids didn't see anything

That said, I would be actively seeking to replace this dcb and his sibling as his behavior is such that he's the first one you think of when something like this happens - never mind all the behaviors you KNOW he is doing.

[Josiegirl]

I wouldn't as you didn't see it and have nothing but your suspicions. Even the other kids didn't see anything

That said, I would be actively seeking to replace this dcb and his sibling as his behavior is such that he's the first one you think of when something like this happens - never mind all the behaviors you KNOW he is doing.

Yes, of course I know you're right. And the fact no one else saw anything either leads me to believe he was doing it on the sly. Then admitting he might have done it accidentally?? Gimme a break.

I was afraid of losing money(I know it should never be an issue but let's face it, sometimes whether we can pay our bills does become an issue!)and filling spots isn't always an easy thing with more schools offering FT prek, more centers opening. One local center owner now owns 3 centers!!
BUT I've been thinking more and more about it, have an email written in my head(will do it up right this weekend)and went over projected kids for next year and I might be able to make it work out. I will also up my rates for PTers so that'd help.
At first my thinking was 'oh I can't just do that to a long term family, I'd feel terrible'. But after this last suspected incident and all the disrespect dcb displayed towards me and others this last break, it is definitely becoming easier.
I know I'm going to feel like a failure though. Evidently he doesn't have issues as these anywhere else.

[Gemma]

I wouldn't as you didn't see it and have nothing but your suspicions. Even the other kids didn't see anything

That said, I would be actively seeking to replace this dcb and his sibling as his behavior is such that he's the first one you think of when something like this happens - never mind all the behaviors you KNOW he is doing.

and this is one of the reasons why I no longer allow anything from home

[Play Care]

I know I'm going to feel like a failure though. Evidently he doesn't have issues as these anywhere else

Please don't!!

The child has outgrown your care, that's it. I think we need to get over this idea that children belong in the same care from 6 weeks until they outgrow day care, KWIM? And while I don't buy that he doesn't have issues elsewhere, it doesn't matter.

"Hey Sally, I've noticed in the last several months that Johnny has outgrown my little preschool/daycare. I have loved caring for Johnny, but think it's time for him to move on to a program specifically meant for school aged kids. I think he would enjoy being with his peers and having more "school kid" activities. I would love to continue caring for Sibling, but COMPLETELY understand if you want to have them in the same place. As such the last day I will be able to provide care for Johnny is ________ (two weeks? one month? end of school year?) We will miss Johnny but are excited for him to be on to the next big adventure!

Sincerely,

Loving provider

If mom questions it you can just repeat in an apologetic tone "I've just noticed he's outgrown my care, but he would really enjoy a school aged program."

[Blackcat31]

Or should I confront dcb(7 yo) next time I see him?
I cannot prove anything but I have very strong suspicions about something he may have done. He's a very vengeful kid. If he gets mad at you, he'll do something with mean(but sneaky) reactions. Well, he and 7 yo dcg can get along very well and sometimes not so much.

During vacation my 7 yo dcg brought in a Breyer horse(she is THE horse lover) and every time she was done with it, she'd put it up. It wasn't a problem. She left it down lower once and when it disappeared I thought one of the littles had gotten hold of it. She came to me with it, crying, it's ear had gotten broken. She was saying how special it was, etc. So as compassionately as I could, I reminded her that special things need to stay home.

(My rule is they can bring things but if it creates a problem they will keep them in their backpack/cubby, and that things do get broken/lost, etc. so please do not let your child bring special things)

I felt really bad for dcg. Later in the day dcb told her he may have accidentally stepped on it. So I'm suspecting what really happened was he got angry with her and did it on purpose.

Now I know I cannot prove it and really cannot accuse him of it but dang, I really think that's what happened. So, do I just let it go? Say something to him?
I will be sending out a change in my policies shortly, telling dcps nothing more comes from home. Absolutely nothing.
Thanks for your replies.

I wouldn't invest my energy into "fixing" or "addressing" this.

You have a rule (bolded above) and I think you should validate her feelings (
I'm sorry your horse got broken daycare girl but that is one of the reasons special things should stay home") and leave it be.

You can't prove anything and your rule states that if things get broken, don't bring them. I wouldn't make a bigger deal out of this than it already is.

As for the DCB "evidently" not behaving this way elsewhere...I call bull. I am betting he does and either mom is in denial, doesn't want to tell you or the environments are completely different in these other places.

Beside, who cares how he acts elsewhere?? The ONLY thing I would be concerned about is how he acts at YOUR house.

If mom is the one saying he doesn't act that way elsewhere, then I would jump on that and use that as a reason to term.... If mom thinks it's YOUR environment that is the only place he acts up, then YOUR program is obviously not the right fit for him.

Honestly though Josie...you already know you aren't a failure. This child is not your responsibility to fix. You are doing a great job so don't doubt yourself!!

[Mom o Col]

I have to say those Breyer horses ears and tails break very easily. Too easily for a child to be able to play with them without it happening. I have a little horse lover as well and when she brought those horses it happened here.

[Shell]

I wouldn't invest my energy into "fixing" or "addressing" this.

You have a rule (bolded above) and I think you should validate her feelings (
I'm sorry your horse got broken daycare girl but that is one of the reasons special things should stay home") and leave it be.

You can't prove anything and your rule states that if things get broken, don't bring them. I wouldn't make a bigger deal out of this than it already is.

As for the DCB "evidently" not behaving this way elsewhere...I call bull. I am betting he does and either mom is in denial, doesn't want to tell you or the environments are completely different in these other places.

Beside, who cares how he acts elsewhere?? The ONLY thing I would be concerned about is how he acts at YOUR house.

If mom is the one saying he doesn't act that way elsewhere, then I would jump on that and use that as a reason to term.... If mom thinks it's YOUR environment that is the only place he acts up, then YOUR program is obviously not the right fit for him.

Honestly though Josie...you already know you aren't a failure. This child is not your responsibility to fix. You are doing a great job so don't doubt yourself!!

[KiddieCahoots]

No advice, just wanted to say I admire your patience, and think you've earned your halo with this family Josie.
This 7yr old seems to always have a trick up his sleeve