Clingy Kid

[Sugaree]

I've written before about how my 20 month-old son has been having problems with drop-off. The quick recap is that he was fine up until the point where, due to construction, they had to combine a couple of classes. He's now in a class of 17 toddlers. I was hoping that when they moved back into his normal classroom that it would get better. It hasn't. He's still crying a lot at drop off and this morning they told me he cried a lot yesterday (which I kind of expected since he'd been out sick for a couple of days). He's also been extremely clingy at home, which brings us to today's main issue.

It was brought to my attention this morning that he is wanting to nurse whenever a female teacher is holding him. I've noticed that he's wanting to nurse immediately after pickup too. So far, it's only one teacher (not one of his normal teachers) who has mentioned this as being a problem. One other teacher mentioned it but not as if it were a problem. I kind of feel like they want me to wean him, but if this is just a clingy phase then wouldn't it be better to not change too much at once?

What has your experience been with this?

[Heidi]

IMO, a class with 17 toddlers is too big. That's way too much commotion for a child that young, no matter the number of teachers.

I don't have strong opinions about b. feeding, but even so, I think you're right; weaning him now would be the wrong time. The teacher he seems to be bugging can say "no" kindly. They don't need to put that on you.

[preschoolteacher]

I weaned at 21 months. I have to admit that afterwards, my son was able to separate from me with much, much more success.

I'm sure your son associates nursing with helping him feel better when he's sad, so that's why he is doing it. If nursing is a major source of comfort for him, but he can't nurse in daycare, it would be helpful to give him ways of soothing himself so he can do so in daycare.

I'd give it some time. The room change and absence probably make a huge impact on his ability to separate. Try to help him self soothe at home, maybe stop nursing when he's clearly doing it only for comfort. Give him the chance to learn how to deal with these emotions in other ways. Then see if you still are considering weaning when that's all done.

[NoMoreJuice!]

Can you describe your drop off routine? Do you take him to the classroom, take off coats, etc... Is he instantly clinging to you? How do you respond to that?

[Sugaree]

Can you describe your drop off routine? Do you take him to the classroom, take off coats, etc... Is he instantly clinging to you? How do you respond to that?

I take him to the classroom and change his diaper. We use cloth at home and the center doesn't allow it, so I change him into a paper one when we get there. The last couple of days I've dropped him off in a paper one so that I can cut that step out, but it hasn't had an effect yet. He usually okay until we get to the door of the classroom. Then he starts whimpering and asking to be picked up. I get him in the room and take off his coat and hang it up. I try to hand him off to a teacher, so if she's busy with another child I'll hold him and/or encourage him to find something to play with/read until she's free. Then I kiss him and tell him bye. I really try not to prolong dropoff any more than necessary. One of his teachers tells me that he doesn't really cry for long after I leave, but there have been a few times where he's just cried all day.

[NoMoreJuice!]

Drop off is always hardest on the parents, sorry! Sounds like you're doing fine, just keep making it very short and sweet. Or as I tell my families, the shorter, the sweeter! Sometimes when a parent comes into the place where they will leave their child, confusion ensues. Making it a very clear "This is where you will stay; love you; see you tonight" helps the little ones be less confused. If you waffle at all, they will become upset. I would definitely ask the teachers to help you make drop off less than fifteen seconds...that's the magic number here anyway, more than enough for a few kisses and hugs. Any more than fifteen seconds, and my kiddos seem to think the parent is staying forever, only to be heartbroken (for a bit) when they don't.

[daycarediva]

Does the center allow attachment items? Can you hold a small lovey/blanket or stuffed animal EVERY time you nurse him at home so that he associates that with comfort, and then he can hold it at daycare?

I would give it two weeks to improve. Quicker drop off. Have disposable diaper on, remove coat before going into the room, kiss and hug him outside the room. Offer an encouraging word, open the door, put him in, close the door. DO NOT enter the room.

That many children is far too many in one space, regardless of ratio.

He may need a different environment. We talk about 'goodness of fit'. It is a very real thing. Some children do not do well with multiple caregivers. I had a child come to me from a center at around the same age. They didn't even know off of the teachers names. He was crying the majority of each day. It took him one week to get used to me, he watched me with the other children like a hawk. The minute he trusted me, he opened up. He is a WONDERFUL child that will go off to kindergarten in fall. A center with multiple caregivers gave him no sense of security. He could not handle it.

[Sugaree]

Tried the super quick dropoff this morning. Will see how it goes. I could still hear him screaming from down the hallway as I left. I keep trying to tell myself that Mondays after a long weekend are always the worst.

[Play Care]

Tried the super quick dropoff this morning. Will see how it goes. I could still hear him screaming from down the hallway as I left. I keep trying to tell myself that Mondays after a long weekend are always the worst.

You've already recieved some good advice, but just wanted to give you a :hug::hug: Rough drop offs are the worst!

[AuntTami]

You've already recieved some good advice, but just wanted to give you a :hug::hug: Rough drop offs are the worst!

I second this. It's always hard when they're screaming, plus you add in daylight savings time so he's probably extra tired. Poor kiddo. Hopefully the day goes better for him