Should I express my condolences?

[Josiegirl]

One of my dcms apparently lost her sister-in-law but never said anything to me. She told one of my other dcms who told me.
Should I say anything to her? I feel bad for not telling her I'm sorry but don't want her to know she's being talked about by the other dcm either.

[laundrymom]

No.I wouldn't.

[DaveA]

I wouldn't. When she's ready she'll say something if she wants to. You can offer condolences then.

[originalkat]

I agree with the others.

[kendallina]

I would. My mom died in September and before her death I had no idea how to handle other people's grief and never would have offered condolences in your situation. But, when my mom died there were a few people who really came out of the woodwork to offer condolences and just let me know that they were thinking of me. There were people who I barely knew who heard and it meant so much to me that they gave me permission and space to think about my mom and not feel like I had to put on a brave face.

Grief can be all consuming and when someone I knew didn't offer condolenscence it made me feel like I had to act like my normal self and couldn't grieve in front of them.

It may be different with a sister-in-law, of course that's dependent on what their relationship was like. But, I would still offer condolenscences.

[Unregistered]

it's interesting how everyone handles grief so differently. My brother died suddenly a few years ago and I hated the constant reminders condolences brought. I also had no idea what to say to people after they asked how I was doing. I feel like sh*t, how do you think I'm doing?

Further, no offense, but you seem surprised she didn't tell you. I'm just not sure how that would come up in conversation, unless the child needed to miss some days.

[Josiegirl]

No, I'm not really surprised or upset or anything that she didn't tell me. I was merely wondering if I should tell her I'm sorry since she's not the one who told me, confidentiality and all that. I didn't want to step on toes.
They've acted like nothing major has happened so I guess I'll just let it go unless they mention it.
Kendallina, I'm sorry about your mom.

[Unregistered]

Sorry- that read as snarky- didn't mean it to.

Some people are just very private, ykwim? I don't even talk to my hubby about my feelings over my brother passing, other people I know are live blogging funerals on Facebook.

[Josiegirl]

Sorry- that read as snarky- didn't mean it to.

Some people are just very private, ykwim? I don't even talk to my hubby about my feelings over my brother passing, other people I know are live blogging funerals on Facebook.

I know, everybody's very different, especially in how they handle something so private as grief. I'm not sure that's a good thing to stay so inward about though. I mean, I know it entirely depends upon the people involved. But sometimes people(general people, not you) are almost afraid to talk about things like that, as if it's a taboo topic or people don't want to bring up something so painful. I have pictures on my fridge of all my family. Even a few that are now gone but were extra special to me. And if anyone happens to see them and ask, I'm more than happy to share memories about them; it keeps them closer. It's not that I dwell on them but to never mention them again doesn't feel right either. Anyways....

I'm sorry about your brother. It's never easy to lose someone.

[ColorfulSunburst]

when my husband died I used to work as an elementary school teacher. No one of parents new that it happend. I didn't want them to know. I didn't want to hear any sorry-words from the people who never knew him.
So, I think if person needs your involving, (s)he will find a way to inform you personally. If (s)he doesn't do that we have to respect that wish and don't step into the private zone.

[Josiegirl]

when my husband died I used to work as an elementary school teacher. No one of parents new that it happend. I didn't want them to know. I didn't want to hear any sorry-words from the people who never knew him.
So, I think if person needs your involving, (s)he will find a way to inform you personally. If (s)he doesn't do that we have to respect that wish and don't step into the private zone.

Thank you, that's exactly what I felt too but as always, question myself.
:hug:

[kendallina]

Sorry- that read as snarky- didn't mean it to.

Some people are just very private, ykwim? I don't even talk to my hubby about my feelings over my brother passing, other people I know are live blogging funerals on Facebook.

No worries, I totally hear you on that. Each family and individual deals with these things differently, I was just expressing how I would probably handle it at this point.