3 year old who hits, kicks, screams

[Laura5287]

I'm not even sure where to begin. I have taken care of this child since he was 8 weeks old. We have been through the 2 year old stage of biting and scratching. Worked together with the parents and it seems to be under control now but will still happen on occasion.
Recently, within the last couple of months, he is screaming at the top of his lungs, kicking and hitting me. When I tell him to do something, he yells at me to shut my mouth. Uses bad language including the F word and his favorite is d$$$ it at the moment. I have used sticker charts for good behavior and used time out which does not do a thing for him. He just gets up when the time is over and does it again. I use a calm voice with him and have been removing him from activities. I put him in a chair away from everyone but still in the same room and tell him when he is done and calm he can come back. It takes a while and it is disturbing. When he does calm down, he comes back and wants to start the activity over (usually this is at circle) but I tell him he has missed out because he was not making good choices and we will do it again the next day. He then starts screaming and yelling. I find myself yelling mainly because he can't hear me otherwise and I don't like it.
I have talked to the parents and I know she is lying when she tells me they don't use that language. Their nine year old tells me they do. She may tell him to be good and not to use bad words but if they are doing these things at home he is confused.
I am at the point of saying he can't come for a day if he continues to hit and kick me. It is not acceptable behavior.
I'm not sure what to do...any suggestions?

[Kabob]

I'd term, personally. Between the language and aggressive behavior and the lack of parenting, I'd be done. It sounds like he is burning you out.

If you want to keep him, I'd tell dcm that after X times he shows X behavior (hitting, cursing, etc), you'll call for pickup. Make it her problem. It is a safety issue if he decides to direct his aggression towards others. It is a big problem that he is talking like that to you and others at daycare...I doubt the other parents would appreciate their child picking up that behavior/language.

Also could tell dcm that after X days or X pickups for bad behavior, you'll have to terminate the contract.

Hopefully dcm will work with you to resolve this...

[Josiegirl]

I'm not usually one to jump in and term but thinking back now, terribly foul language, such as you describe, has been one of the existing factors of the 2 dcks I let go. Usually when they're like that, there are many other factors involved. I had 3 brothers, Saturdays only, the 5 yo and 9 yo fought terribly, and language was used all the time. The day 5 yo refused to do anything, called me a bit@h, and many other things, I called the grandma and said pick him up. I will not tolerate such behavior in my home.
The other dck I let go would use the F word all the time, I gave them 2 weeks notice.
Now there is a difference if a child is testing the limits of his new found language but if everything else points to behavior problems, really is it worth messing with the rest of your group for? That was one of my concerns, was how these kids would affect the rest of my dcks.
IF you can afford to term, I would give them 2 weeks, no probation, just let them go. It can be extremely stressful having a dck like that.
I just think if it's in the child's home, he lives it, there won't be any changing him and it will always be crazy difficult challenging overwhelming and stressful for you and your group. You might also lose other dcfs because of it.
JMO

[Unregistered]

It has just gotten so out of control. I am at the point of stopping the daycare because of this. I only have one other child at this time and he will be leaving in August. He has worn me out. I have had him since he has been 8 weeks old. I bend over backwards for this family and it just makes me sad to think of what is going on with him. I worked in a daycare for years and maybe saw two other children like this. He knows how to use the words he is using.
I guess I have to tell myself that he is not my child. and that I cannot change the way he is because I am not his parent.
I woke up today feeling dizzy and sick to my stomach. maybe blood pressure due to all of this.
I know what I have to do but it sure isn't easy.

[Kabob]

It has just gotten so out of control. I am at the point of stopping the daycare because of this. I only have one other child at this time and he will be leaving in August. He has worn me out. I have had him since he has been 8 weeks old. I bend over backwards for this family and it just makes me sad to think of what is going on with him. I worked in a daycare for years and maybe saw two other children like this. He knows how to use the words he is using.
I guess I have to tell myself that he is not my child. and that I cannot change the way he is because I am not his parent.
I woke up today feeling dizzy and sick to my stomach. maybe blood pressure due to all of this.
I know what I have to do but it sure isn't easy.

I'd term effective immediately then. It's not worth the stress to try and "fix" a child that has a parent that isn't parenting.

He also clearly knows how to use those words. It isn't like he's a toddler who is simply testing out those words.

I'd personally say "Unfortunately dcm, after much consideration, I've decided we no longer a good fit for dcb. Here is your termination notice effective immediately. Best wishes to you and dcb!" Have all his stuff ready and scoot them out the door.

It is tough losing families, but it would be worse if one family forced you to close or too stressed to function.

It's up to you, but there's only so much you can do if dcm won't help you.

[Ariana]

It has just gotten so out of control. I am at the point of stopping the daycare because of this. I only have one other child at this time and he will be leaving in August. He has worn me out. I have had him since he has been 8 weeks old. I bend over backwards for this family and it just makes me sad to think of what is going on with him. I worked in a daycare for years and maybe saw two other children like this. He knows how to use the words he is using.
I guess I have to tell myself that he is not my child. and that I cannot change the way he is because I am not his parent.
I woke up today feeling dizzy and sick to my stomach. maybe blood pressure due to all of this.
I know what I have to do but it sure isn't easy.

There is obviously verbal abuse happening at home. The mom is covering. Have you sat down and had a one on one chat with the boy? Maybe he is trying to express something that is bothering him...like his mom and dad yelling and calling eachother names etc. Perhaps you could offer him some comfort? It might help. Kids like this need us but if it's too much for you then definitely term.

[Josiegirl]

You will get more kids. Good families are out there, along with good kids!! If he's causing you so much stress that it's affecting your health visibly, it's time to let them go.

[Play Care]

You will get more kids. Good families are out there, along with good kids!! If he's causing you so much stress that it's affecting your health visibly, it's time to let them go.

This. The first time a child lays their hands or feet on me would be their last day in my home. Same with cursing at me. In 10 years I haven't had one child try it. I wouldn't want to expose my "good" kids from "good" families to that - and risk losing them.

[Unregistered]

kid kicking hitting etc

I had his brother! From birth thru age 3 worked tirelessly on his behavior. Got past the biting, then the aggression began...worked on that....thought all was fine till out of the blue mom tells me they are putting him in a 'preschool'. Blindsided me. I still have 3rd grade sister after school. I am so glad the stress of him is gone ....I could kick myself for not terming him myself but thought I could get him on board.Good luck....don't ever let this job make you sick...that was me and I still have an ulcer(I think).Parents do not parent these days...it's all talk in a sweet little voice to snowflake about his/her decisions never any consequences. Sorry I had to add my 2 cents today....I still feel the burn obviously.