At My Wits-End With 6 Year Old Who Won't Use Bathroom!

[lilcupcakes09]

Positive reinforcement only worked for a short time. Reminding constantly is failing now, plus I have all other dcks to tend to as well before seeing them off to school. I don't know what else to do....it seems as long as parents are enabling this behavior to continue without consequences there isn't much I can do on my side to help resolve the issue. From my view, it's turned into an attention getter and it's working

[Blackcat31]

So this child is 6 years old and having potty accidents still?

Does the child wear a pull up or any type of covering over the underwear to prevent your floors from being icky?

Is the child in school yet? Any special needs?

Sorry for all the questions but just looking for a little back story...

[lilcupcakes09]

Nothing medically wrong, all has been ruled out. It started suddenly back in the fall. Pull ups are worn all the time, which I think is enabling it further. But it really bothers me to have to change a child's diaper that knows well and clear what they should be doing. On the rare occurence that underwear are worn, all is well! Generally I have to change the child each day after returning home from school, school is also having issues as it is affecting daily schedule everyday.
It's no matter of an accident here or there, that's understandable. It's a matter of just refusing to you the bathroom when feeling the need and being told it's ok.
What makes me even more suspicious that it is attention affected is my SA students tell me it seems funny to the child at school.

[Heidi]

There needs to be a high price for this behavior. He is old enough to know what he's doing, and it sounds like the child is laughing at how the adults are dancing to his tune.

While punishing for lapses in toilet training is generally considered a bad thing, and we shouldn't shame him either, there should definately be a price.

At this point, I do not think it would be inappropriate to take away privileges, and honestly, I' would not be willing to change him. His parents need to come do it. There has to be a price for them, too.

Six year old purposely pooping his pants? He needs to sit somewhere and wait until a parent can come help him change. The school needs to do the same thing, and they should never send him to you in that condition. NOPE!

[Kimskiddos]

Nothing medically wrong, all has been ruled out. It started suddenly back in the fall. Pull ups are worn all the time, which I think is enabling it further. But it really bothers me to have to change a child's diaper that knows well and clear what they should be doing. On the rare occurence that underwear are worn, all is well! Generally I have to change the child each day after returning home from school, school is also having issues as it is affecting daily schedule everyday.
It's no matter of an accident here or there, that's understandable. It's a matter of just refusing to you the bathroom when feeling the need and being told it's ok.
What makes me even more suspicious that it is attention affected is my SA students tell me it seems funny to the child at school.

Why are you changing him? If I had a 6yo wearing pullups, they darn well would be cleaning themselves up. I'd only step in if there is a bm and only at the very end to make sure he was clean. If he made a mess, he'd clean it up too. I'd be very matter of fact about the whole thing and give him very little attention.

Also I may plan a fun big kid activity/toy/game that is only for the kiddos that use the potty. Diapered kids would get to do something else.

[NightOwl]

^^^ Agreed. He's way too old for this. Don't change him, make him change himself. And plan something, like a pizza party or trip to the park, that only big kids can do because they're potty trained.

[lilcupcakes09]

I'm changing the pull up....
A. Because I don't want to smell the horrid smell in my entire home while the child is here.
B. I feel like I wouldn't be providing the care I am being paid to provide if I let a child walk around in their poop.
C. If I didn't help the child clean up, there would be poop everywhere in my bathroom amd that would make me even more irritated!

I just want to shake the parents into reality!

[Heidi]

I'm changing the pull up....
A. Because I don't want to smell the horrid smell in my entire home while the child is here.
B. I feel like I wouldn't be providing the care I am being paid to provide if I let a child walk around in their poop.
C. If I didn't help the child clean up, there would be poop everywhere in my bathroom amd that would make me even more irritated!

I just want to shake the parents into reality!

If he were just wetting himself, I'd go with the clean-himself up. That would be a natural consequence.

The problem I see besides the reasons you listed, is that this child sounds like he could take it a step further and make you "Pay" for forcing him to change himself. I am seeing a "brown" bathroom...

Baring a physical reason, there is NO way I would change a 6 year old. Put it back on the parents. What are you making on an after-schooler? It couldn't be enough money to deal with that, and it should NOT be your job.

Like you said "shake them in to reality" Make them deal with it, and it just might. Poopy pants means they need to come change him,and he can miss out on everything while he waits.

[Unregistered]

No way I would provide that service. I would have the parents deal or term him. That is ridiculous!

[Thriftylady]

I agree I would not be changing a six year old with no medical issues. I would be telling the parents you have X time to fix this or find another provider. I bet you money they won't be able to find another provider. If not and they don't deal with it, well they will have to figure out what to do then also, because you can't leave a kid of any age home alone if they can't even use the toilet.

[Controlled Chaos]

I have a 5 year old in care and can't imagine changing him...he would be so embarrassed. I wouldn't provide that service. I would explain to parents that either A. he has a medical issue you aren't equipped to deal with or B. This a behavior that ends now. Have a chat withparents - explain no more accidents PERIOD or he needs a new provider.

[nannyde]

Who changes his diaper at school?

[Play Care]

I do not accept children into care who are not *fully* trained after age 3 and children I've had since infancy need to be fully trained by 3 1/2. I would be letting the child go - that is probably the wake up call the parents need, since I can't imagine anyone taking on a neuro-typical school age child who is still in diapers.

Since SA care here is usually much cheaper than infant/toddler care, I would say the parents are NOT paying for diaper changing service. That would be extra.

And I have all my kids clean themselves up after a certain age. It means I stand there and supervise while they change themselves, hand them the wipes to clean themselves up, hand them the bag to put their soiled clothing in, etc. Usually happens ONCE.

[Kimskiddos]

And I have all my kids clean themselves up after a certain age. It means I stand there and supervise while they change themselves, hand them the wipes to clean themselves up, hand them the bag to put their soiled clothing in, etc. Usually happens ONCE.

This is how I would handle a 6yo too. While it might not be a nice experience and a bit messy, I think it would make the child think twice about messing himself. He needs to be made responsible for his mess.

[Second Home]

There is a difference if the child was sick and had an accident . But if this child is doing it on purpose ( with no medical reason to back it up ) I would term .