Trying Not To Be Rude-Parent Wants A Teacher Conference At Every Drop Off

[daycarediva]

I wonder what would happen if you were to say "She doesn't have a paper on the wall because she wasn't here when we made it." Then I'd say "I'm a little curious why you always ask when you know the answer. Why do you do that?" Or: "Do you realize you always ask me why her work isn't on the wall when you already know it is because she isn't here in time to make one? I am wondering why you continue to ask."

When she says "I just want her to make one" then say "Well you'll have to get her here on time then. Why doesn't she get here on time?"

I think I would try the "I'm really curious why you keep asking" routine.

Or I might just smile and say "You know why."

Laurel

I like the turn it around on her idea!

"Why isn't dcg arriving in time?"

"Oh it is so disappointing that she didn't participate in art. Why is she arriving so late?"

"We have X,Y,Z planned for next week. Can you make sure dcg gets here by 9 to participate?"

[Unregistered]

I would tell mom that if she cannot get her daughter here on time then she WONT get to do activity end of story, if she doesn't like ur answer then she should find another provider that will accommodate her requests.

[laundrymom]

"I know how you feel. Sally loves seeing her work on the wall with all her friend's projects. We really get excited when you bring her in time for creative arts. It's one of her favorite things to do. She does get a bit disappointed when you drop her off too late to participate but quickly moves past it to the next activity because she knows that sometimes you get her where early enough to do crafts."
Put the ball in her court.

[Crystal]

This is the parent of my PT DCG-4. The one who wanted me to wait until they got there before we did any activities. Now, for the past month, she's been trying to have a conference about why DCG isn't doing any work, doesn't have any art on the walls and doesn't nap. All of these topics I have discussed with her several times. Well this morning, enough was enough. DCG isn't here todayfort mom called anyway to discuss why DCG didn't make a letter book yessterday. My Asst. Dir took the call and explained that DCG wasn't here when we made the book and that all the materials are in here folder if she wants to do it at home. That wasn't good enough for mom. Now she's demanding yet ANOTHER meeting with me and the Dir. We've had two already about the same thing.

I'm doing my best to watch my mouth but now I'm done. You guys already know that what I want to say will be very rude and I don't want to be offensive. Any advice/suggestions on how to keep the conversation polite would be welcome. I think that because this is the third or fourth time we've talked about this, any comments I may have would come across as rude or condescending. Thanks for your help.

I am curious to know if her part time status means she CANNOT arrive at regularly scheduled art time because she pays for and is scheduled to arrive later. If so, I would find a way to include her in some sort of art activity, as part of the experience of any ECE program is participating in art. I can certainly understand your frustration, but is there any way you can rearrange part of your daily schedule so that art time comes after another scheduled activity so she can participate? Now, if Mom is just getting there late, that's on her, but if she is scheduled for later in the day, I'd do my best to accommodate....for the child NOT for the Mom.

One way I have avoided this type of issue is by having the art center open all day with free access to open-ended art materials so the children have all day to participate in art if they so wish.

[Controlled Chaos]

I wonder what would happen if you were to say "She doesn't have a paper on the wall because she wasn't here when we made it." Then I'd say "I'm a little curious why you always ask when you know the answer. Why do you do that?" Or: "Do you realize you always ask me why her work isn't on the wall when you already know it is because she isn't here in time to make one? I am wondering why you continue to ask."

When she says "I just want her to make one" then say "Well you'll have to get her here on time then. Why doesn't she get here on time?"

I think I would try the "I'm really curious why you keep asking" routine.

Or I might just smile and say "You know why."

Laurel

Amazing. I love this ::

[Blackcat31]

I am curious to know if her part time status means she CANNOT arrive at regularly scheduled art time because she pays for and is scheduled to arrive later. If so, I would find a way to include her in some sort of art activity, as part of the experience of any ECE program is participating in art. I can certainly understand your frustration, but is there any way you can rearrange part of your daily schedule so that art time comes after another scheduled activity so she can participate? Now, if Mom is just getting there late, that's on her, but if she is scheduled for later in the day, I'd do my best to accommodate....for the child NOT for the Mom.

One way I have avoided this type of issue is by having the art center open all day with free access to open-ended art materials so the children have all day to participate in art if they so wish.

This mom is not limited to certain times. Here are the previous posts by OP about this situation. These posts have more info...

Once again, one of my PT parents is complaining about their child never having art on the wall. This is not the parent who wanted us to wait until they showed up to start class. This parent comes in around 10:00-10:15 on the days they come. By then, we're done for the day and time moving into free play or other activities. I found out from my director that mom is getting upset that DCG never has any art displayed or sent home. My Director knows what's up and explained, again, about the schedule and the limited time we have in the morning. Well, that wasn't acceptable. This morning, mom came in with attitude to talk about the schedule. I told her, again, that due to the limited amount of time, painting is done between 8-9 am and anything else is done after 9:30. She asked if we could wait until DCG gets there and I told her that it might not be possible but depending on the project I could save hers until after nap. I couldn't tell if she was ok with my suggestion because she just walked out of my room.

I am done with parents complaining about stuff they have the power to change. Mom could easily have DCG here at or before 8am. She doesn't want to because she says it's too early to get up. I do feel bad that DCG has nothing to show mom what she did that day. But at the same time, I'm not rearranging my schedule for someone who may or may not show up that day. I'm getting sick and tired of the same complaints constantly and I feel like I'm punishing DCG because of mom. If any of you have been in a situation like this, please tell me how you got through it. I welcome all opinions and advice.

Daycare, every suggestion you gave I already do. The schedule is posted outside my room next to the door and inside the door so she sees it coming and going.
Good Life, I have a space on one of the walls just for them to put up any art that they've done. The art center is always stocked and available to them all day.

Ok, this is the same mom who wants me to schedule all field trips around DCG's PT schedule. After the last talk, we thought it was over. WRONG! Today she came in complaining that DCG is missing all of the learning and activities in the mornings. Mom doesn't drop off until 10:30-11:00 and we're done by 10:15 at the latest. I sent her to my Director to discuss it. My Director told me 30 min ago that she just got off the phone with the owner and we are meeting with him Monday morning.

What else does this woman want? We can't completely accommodate her with her current schedule. A schedule she has been offered to adjust many times but refuses. I don't know what she expects to happen but we'll see. Would any of you change your daily schedule for her? I send whatever we do home but I guess she doesn't want to have to do it. Am I the one being unreasonable?

Ok, final update. Mom is not happy. When she came in for the meeting she had a smug look on her face like the battle was already won. The Owner asked her to explain the issue. She told him about the unfairness of scheduling field trips on DCG's off days and how DCG is never on time for lessons because I start too early. So then he asked my Director what solutions did she offer. She told him that mom has the option of changing days or meeting us there. As far as lessons go, she told him that mom was asked several times to bring DCG earlier but she refused. The Owner then asked mom why she is refusing everything. Mom told him that she lives on the other side of town but works near the center and that is too much back and forth. He told mom that he understood her reasons but because she has been given multiple choices and she refused them all, there's nothing more to discuss.

As far as not getting her lessons, he asked me about the class schedule. I showed him and explained to him that every class is more or less on the same schedule but adjusted for age. I also explained that I get off early so I start earlier (9:15-9:30) and we're done by 10:00-10:15 depending.

It went about how I expected it to go. This parent is one for the books. The Owner told my Director that mom might pull but not to worry about it. I'm glad that mess is over.

He then asked mom what did she expect from me. She said I should wait until DCG gets there. The look on his face was pricless. I think he was shocked. He told her no. I have other children to think about and it's not fair to them. He told her he understands her concerns but because she's not willing to work with us, there's nothing he can do. Mom thanked him for his time and left.

[Crystal]

Awww...thanks BC. I didn't know there were previous threads about the same issues.

[Meyou]

I think you should make a giant sign that says, "IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU DCM!!" Then don't speak just point to the sign during the meeting and anytime she asks after that.

I'm a jerk, I know. I hope your director can sort it all out. She sounds like a real piece of work.

[Bookworm]

The whole situation frustrates me because I've never had a parent like this in my 12+ years at my center. DCG does get to do some art projects. I do try to look out for her. But it's not enough for mom. On Monday, my Dir will talk to her for the final time. and will give mom the option to either: 1- come earlier or 2-pull her. I'm hoping for #2.

[Laurel]

The whole situation frustrates me because I've never had a parent like this in my 12+ years at my center. DCG does get to do some art projects. I do try to look out for her. But it's not enough for mom. On Monday, my Dir will talk to her for the final time. and will give mom the option to either: 1- come earlier or 2-pull her. I'm hoping for #2.

Well good, I'm glad the director will handle it. Let us know what happens. Inquiring minds wanna know.....

Laurel

[Hunni Bee]

I had this parent last year. He would not bring his daughter until 11:30/12 and then usually was back to pick up by 4. Um, sir, you do realize that time frame encompasses lunch, nap and pm snack, right? He kept complaining that she had no work and we then started putting the materials in her folder, which he always "lost" or didn't have time to do. They also were basically drop in and frequently didn't show up for a week or longer. We were always late for field trips waiting for them to show up.

Our director wasn't as tough and supportive as yours though, and numerous times we had to make it ourselves or have another child do it for her because they (admins), too, demanded she have work up in the wall.

Sooo much fun.

[Bookworm]

I had this parent last year. He would not bring his daughter until 11:30/12 and then usually was back to pick up by 4. Um, sir, you do realize that time frame encompasses lunch, nap and pm snack, right? He kept complaining that she had no work and we then started putting the materials in her folder, which he always "lost" or didn't have time to do. They also were basically drop in and frequently didn't show up for a week or longer. We were always late for field trips waiting for them to show up.

Our director wasn't as tough and supportive as yours though, and numerous times we had to make it ourselves or have another child do it for her because they (admins), too, demanded she have work up in the wall.

Sooo much fun.

Ok, that's ridiculous. Why is dad upset? He made DCG's schedule. If she is drop in only, why should he expect DCG to have art on the wall.

[Unregistered]

Any update

[Hunni Bee]

Ok, that's ridiculous. Why is dad upset? He made DCG's schedule. If she is drop in only, why should he expect DCG to have art on the wall.

She wasn't actually drop in, he just could "not get her to get up and get going" or "she wasn't feeling well" so often that she was absent more often than not. I guess he expected us to sit and do it with her at nap time or rearrange the schedule like your DCM.

[AmyKidsCo]

Our director wasn't as tough and supportive as yours though, and numerous times we had to make it ourselves or have another child do it for her because they (admins), too, demanded she have work up in the wall.

Sooo much fun.

That's crazy! Way to tell the child that she doesn't matter...