Trying Not To Be Rude-Parent Wants A Teacher Conference At Every Drop Off

[Bookworm]

This is the parent of my PT DCG-4. The one who wanted me to wait until they got there before we did any activities. Now, for the past month, she's been trying to have a conference about why DCG isn't doing any work, doesn't have any art on the walls and doesn't nap. All of these topics I have discussed with her several times. Well this morning, enough was enough. DCG isn't here todayfort mom called anyway to discuss why DCG didn't make a letter book yessterday. My Asst. Dir took the call and explained that DCG wasn't here when we made the book and that all the materials are in here folder if she wants to do it at home. That wasn't good enough for mom. Now she's demanding yet ANOTHER meeting with me and the Dir. We've had two already about the same thing.

I'm doing my best to watch my mouth but now I'm done. You guys already know that what I want to say will be very rude and I don't want to be offensive. Any advice/suggestions on how to keep the conversation polite would be welcome. I think that because this is the third or fourth time we've talked about this, any comments I may have would come across as rude or condescending. Thanks for your help.

[Thriftylady]

Well IMO if you are at a center and have a director, it is time for the director to deal with this not a conference. Your director needs to school mom on the fact that activities can't just wait until her child gets there, because that disrupts the whole class. At this point you shouldn't be put in this situation.

[daycarediva]

HERE is our SCHEDULE. Dcg needs to ARRIVE NO LATER than 9AM to participate. If she is late, we cannot repeat art/crafts/circle/story/gross motor/whatever.

Your director needs to tell her to stop wasting your time. This is all Moms issue because she isn't getting her there in time.

[KiddieCahoots]

Does your center document meetings with minutes?

If so, maybe give dcm a copy to show the topics already discussed. And if she persists with asking for meetings on the same subject, kindly refer her back to previous meeting minutes.

[Shell]

Yes to all of the above! Your director needs to step up here. There are times for activities based around when you have the most kids in attendance, snack, outside times, etc. You can't drop everything to wait for this child!
By the way, I've had parents like this when I worked in centers, and if it isn't one thing, it's another. Best of luck!

[Rockgirl]

HERE is our SCHEDULE. Dcg needs to ARRIVE NO LATER than 9AM to participate. If she is late, we cannot repeat art/crafts/circle/story/gross motor/whatever.

Your director needs to tell her to stop wasting your time. This is all Moms issue because she isn't getting her there in time.

Yes--if it's that important to dcm, she can get dcg there on time.

[Blackcat31]

ALL of the above.

1. Copy of daily schedule with CLEAR time frames. If she is not present at THAT time, there is NO make-up time planned.

2. The director should be taking care of this now at this point, not you. You have done YOUR job, now it's time the director did hers.

3. Copy of the previous meetings minutes with highlighted areas showing what has ALREADY been discussed.

4. NO OTHER OPTIONS. PERIOD.



That's how I would handle it. (well, I would probably handle it like you want to handle it but I know that's not very professional..... )

[Bookworm]

I completely agree that my Dir should handle this for the final time. I am no longer willing to entertain her. Mom has been given the documentation you ladies have mentioned. She doesn't care. I almost feel like there's an underlying problem at home and mom is trying to blame us. I don't know. It's just weird that she is going on and on about the exact same things and gettitng the exact same responses. This is the definition of crazy. I'm putting this in my Dir lap tomorrow and she can deal with it. If mom tries to talk about this after the final meeting, should I just send her to my Dir?

[Thriftylady]

I completely agree that my Dir should handle this for the final time. I am no longer willing to entertain her. Mom has been given the documentation you ladies have mentioned. She doesn't care. I almost feel like there's an underlying problem at home and mom is trying to blame us. I don't know. It's just weird that she is going on and on about the exact same things and gettitng the exact same responses. This is the definition of crazy. I'm putting this in my Dir lap tomorrow and she can deal with it. If mom tries to talk about this after the final meeting, should I just send her to my Dir?

That is exactly what I would do. "Mrs. James, we have talked about this numerous times and I am not allowed to change the program here. All concerns regarding these issues from here on out should be directed to my director Mrs. Smith, who will be happy to discuss this with you.".

ETA: I would use this out if I had it, my only choice in home daycare is trying to nicely say "I could change this but I won't" LOL.

[Crazy8]

can you turn it around to constantly inquire WHY dcg isn't there on time each day??? as a home daycare provider that is what I would do but not sure you can in a center. "Mom, from our many previous discussions you know we do crafts here at 9am. I know it means getting up earlier but we would LOVE to have Suzy do them with us, if you can just get her here at that time this wouldn't be a problem any longer." When mom flat out says she won't get her there at your craft time then that is her answer and her choice!!! End of discussion.

[Unregistered]

It's her sick and twisted hobby; probably makes her feel powerful. I like to put the ball back in their court. She seems to favor the end-product activities, so while I was implementing the activity, I would put one to the side. Explain that she missed this activity, so you're sending it home to be done with mom. She can bring it back, finished, to hang on the wall. Keep asking her if they had a chance to get it done; you really need it for the wall.

[Blackcat31]

I completely agree that my Dir should handle this for the final time. I am no longer willing to entertain her. Mom has been given the documentation you ladies have mentioned. She doesn't care. I almost feel like there's an underlying problem at home and mom is trying to blame us. I don't know. It's just weird that she is going on and on about the exact same things and gettitng the exact same responses. This is the definition of crazy. I'm putting this in my Dir lap tomorrow and she can deal with it. If mom tries to talk about this after the final meeting, should I just send her to my Dir?

Yep. "Sorry daycare mom but you'll have to talk to our director"

Rinse and repeat.


My guess is that there is probably nothing going on at home. She (DCM) just likes attention. Sometimes that kind of parent likes having issues (or makes them up if there are none) just for attention.

I think NannyDe refers to this type of parent in her book. The parent wants you to do her. Her time, her issues, she's the focus of attention, it's all about her and her ability to keep an entire center and it's staff focused on HER.

[Bookworm]

Yep. "Sorry daycare mom but you'll have to talk to our director"

Rinse and repeat.


My guess is that there is probably nothing going on at home. She (DCM) just likes attention. Sometimes that kind of parent likes having issues (or makes them up if there are none) just for attention.

I think NannyDe refers to this type of parent in her book. The parent wants you to do her. Her time, her issues, she's the focus of attention, it's all about her and her ability to keep an entire center and it's staff focused on HER.

I believe you maybe right. But I also think she might want to pull DCG and is trying to make up a reason. If you want to pull, man up and do it. Don't nitpick us to death about it. Anyway, thanks again ladies.

[Starburst]

Mom seems to want the full time super nanny treatment on a part-time group care schedule and budget. She doesn't seem to understand that the center has functioned well before her daughter was enrolled (possibly even born) and will most likely function more or less the same after she's long gone off to kinder.

Simple solution: if you want your daughter to participate in all the activities, bring her in at the time the center has their art activities or enroll her full time so she gets to do all the activities and interact with her school mates all day and never miss a thing.

[Laurel]

I wonder what would happen if you were to say "She doesn't have a paper on the wall because she wasn't here when we made it." Then I'd say "I'm a little curious why you always ask when you know the answer. Why do you do that?" Or: "Do you realize you always ask me why her work isn't on the wall when you already know it is because she isn't here in time to make one? I am wondering why you continue to ask."

When she says "I just want her to make one" then say "Well you'll have to get her here on time then. Why doesn't she get here on time?"

I think I would try the "I'm really curious why you keep asking" routine.

Or I might just smile and say "You know why."

Laurel